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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28420455">he ain't heavy (he's my brother)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinktrixie/pseuds/lavenderstars'>lavenderstars (pinktrixie)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Grey's Anatomy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Slow Burn, Trauma, Unrequited Love, feat. Arizona's martyr complex and Callie's love for fun surgeries, when your ex wife's dead brother shows up and you're kinda still in love with each other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:40:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>58,255</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28420455</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinktrixie/pseuds/lavenderstars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Arizona, finally starting to come to terms with everything and move on, finds herself forced to bring her past back to light when the impossible happens. </p><p>xx </p><p>What if it wasn't Megan Hunt that returned from the dead in season 14?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Arizona Robbins/Callie Torres</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>124</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>167</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title comes from the song of the same name by the hollies. </p><p>disclaimer: I own nothing. I study law, not medicine so I'm just doing my best here. and will fully admit I wrote this is one five hour sitting so yeah...</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Arizona pushed open her front door, a familiar weariness deep in her bones. At this point, all she wanted was a long, hot bath, about two bottles of wine and to sleep for approximately three days. Only one of those three options was likely, given that it was nearly ten in the morning already and she wasn’t ready to become a day drinker and the Avery’s were already calling for a board meeting that afternoon. So she would have to settle for a long bath with a bucket of Epsom salts and pray that her leg would stop aching so deeply. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A lifetime ago, she would have curled up with Sofia after a long day, inhaling her sweet scent until they drifted off. And then maybe Callie would’ve woken her up with a soft smile and made sure she actually ate something and slept in a real bed. Arizona would’ve smiled back and tugged her down to cuddle with them, even as Callie grumbled goodnaturedly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona shook her head to rid herself of that dangerous line of thought. She stared into her tub, watching the water run almost hypnotically. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It wouldn’t do her any good to think about impossible things. She knew better than anyone that there was no point in wishing and dreaming. She fully did recognize the irony of her pixie-dust-in-IV-bags and miracles do happen attitude at work in contrast to her glass-half-empty perspective in her own personal life. But too much had happened for her to be so naive. Lowering your expectations and never hoping for impossible, improbable things ensured you couldn’t be continually devastated. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona wandered out into her bedroom to retrieve a book. She hesitated at her dresser, her eyes lingering on the few photos she had there. A handful of Sofia at various ages, one of Sofia and Zola in princess costumes, her family at her brother’s graduation, at her med school graduation, her and her dad at her wedding, her and Tim before his last deployment. Until very recently, she had photos of Callie, always carefully tucked in the back, but still there. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to put them away. And then Eliza showed up and Arizona let herself believe in a new happy ending, or at least, a momentary distraction from the misery that had been her life for years now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sighing heavily, Arizona pulled away from her memories, drawing herself back into the present. Her nose wrinkled at the lingering smell of smoke in her hair and clothes as she tossed her sweater into the hamper. She’d have to make a trip to the dry cleaner now, she thought, sighing again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her phone buzzed in her back pocket. She tossed it on to her bed before dropping onto her bed to pull off her jeans. She dug her thumbs into her tight quads, but the pressure was barely noticeable on the aching muscle. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Jackson Avery [10:12 AM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>We will be having an emergency meeting at 3 this afternoon to discuss allocating funds for repair, public relations, hospital security and the general state of Grey Sloan following the explosion and fire last night. Beth will email out Skype links for those of you out-of-state. Please RSVP to the calendar invite I just sent out. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Meredith Grey [10:14 AM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span> Thank you for your incredibly formal text message, Dr Avery. I can confirm I will be there. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona clicked to her email, quickly responding to Jackson’s message before pausing as she debated messaging Eliza. After a long moment of deliberation, she typed out a quick message. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Arizona Robbins [10:20 AM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>Hey, just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. Let me know if there’s anything I can do or if you just want to get really drunk and cry xx </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona rolled her eyes, dropping her phone once more. No sooner had she than it started ringing. Without looking, she answered it, praying it wasn’t the hospital. As it connected, she lay back on her bed, groaning as her back cracked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dr Arizona Rob-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Arizona!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Callie?” She asked, sitting straight back up. “Is Sofia okay?” She hadn’t spoken to Callie beyond passing conversation when Sofia called and the occasional email regarding their daughter in months and the rare board meeting Callie attended. If it wasn’t for Sofia, Arizona might almost think she had fully imagined Callie with how fully she had disappeared from her life. “Did something happen?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was a sharp inhale on the other end of the phone that had Arizona biting back a groan. That was Callie’s pre-rant, there-will-probably-be-Spanish inhale. She braced herself for whatever she had done this time to piss off Callie or somehow let Sofia down. She mentally backtracked through the past few days and couldn’t come up with anything, but God knows how Callie’s mind worked sometimes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“There was an explosion! And a fire!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t forget about the rapist wandering around with a knife,” Arizona added, immediately kicking herself for adding fuel to the fire. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“The what?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Callie shrieked, a series of Spanish curses flying out as well. She took a few loud, steadying breaths before saying, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Are you okay? Is everyone okay?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona hated her traitorous heart for the way it sped up at Callie’s tone. She could almost pretend that Callie cared about her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m exhausted and smell like a fire, but I’m fine. Couple people have some smoke inhalation and related issues, but I think there’s only one staff member who was injured.” Her phone started buzzing. Her mother was calling, probably for the same reason Callie was. She quickly declined it, catching the last bit of Callie’s question about who was hurt. “Stephanie Edwards, do you remember her?” Callie started speaking again, just as her phone rang again. She declined the call again. Her mother just immediately called back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Arizona?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm? Yeah, sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I was asking why you didn’t call.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Something twisted within Arizona at Callie’s sharp tone and borderline accusation. “I didn’t… there wasn’t… it was the middle of the night and I was busy with Karev making sure there wasn’t a panic or mothers going into labour due to stress and I was fine. I wasn’t even in the hospital when there was the explosion, I was in the parking lot, so I just didn’t think it was worth a phone call. It’d just upset Sofia,” Arizona finished lamely, twisting the ends of her throw blanket in her free hand. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“God damn it, Arizona.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Callie launched into a tirade about how she had to find out from Avery, but Arizona barely listened as she declined another call from her mother. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you really think that Sofia wouldn’t have wanted to talk to you?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Callie, God, it was the middle of the night and everything was fine with me. I didn’t see any reason to worry-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, well, I worry, Arizona,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Callie all but spat out. If that wasn’t the epitome of caring, Arizona didn’t know what was. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, well, Callie, next time there’s a massive explosion at my place of work I’ll be sure to call you, happy now?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“That is so not the point, Arizona! All I’m saying-” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her phone rang again. Arizona nearly declined it out of habit until she saw it was her father calling. He never called. He spoke to her when she spoke with her mother or he was driving to their cabin. He didn’t just call on a random weekday morning. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Callie, I have to go.” Without waiting for Callie to reply, she answered the call from her dad. “Dad? Is something wrong? I know Mom called, I just-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Arizona Robbins, you answer your phone when your mother calls,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> her father barked, but his voice was shaky, almost as if he had been crying. Her heart sank. She could count on one hand the number of times her father had cried and none of them had been particularly pleasant memories. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dad, what’s going on? Is Mom okay? Are you okay?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Arizona,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he began, pausing to search for words. Arizona’s chest tightened impossibly more. Her phone buzzed once with a text message. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Your mother and I are both, we’re both as healthy as ever.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He paused again, her mother’s voice inaudible as she spoke in the background. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m calling… it’s, it’s about Tim.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dad, what are you talking about? Are you guys cleaning again? I can go on Skype with Mom and tell her what stuff I want for me and Sofia. Today’s not a great time though. I haven’t slept and there’s a board meeting and-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Tim’s alive.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona stared blankly forward, her attention fixating on the gleaming silver of her doorknob. There was a faint buzzing in her ears as her mind struggled to catch up with the words her father had just casually dropped on her. Every nerve in her body hummed, itching and deeply uncomfortable. She became distinctly aware of how cold her house was and the smell of lavender and everything but the fact that her father had just said that Tim was alive. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dad…” she finally croaked, “That’s not...that’s not fucking funny. What...what…?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Zozo, I swear on my father that I am not joking. I would never. He’s alive.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona blinked once, twice, the whole world seeming fuzzy around her. “I...I… how?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“He’s been, he’s been held captive this whole time. He’s in bad shape medically speaking, but by some miracle, he’s alive and he’s coming home. I got a call an hour or two ago and I’ve been on the phone since confirming the details.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her mind latched onto the medicine, that at least she could control, she could understand. “He’s, he’s alive,” she breathed out, tears silently spilling down her cheeks, “where are they taking him? What’s, you said he’s in bad shape? Where are they taking him?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Right now he’s on a transport from Germany. I pulled some strings at the Pentagon to have his care transferred Stateside.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her father let out a tired laugh, sounding older than Arizona could remember. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I think I called in every favour in DC that I have.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Arizona almost managed a laugh at that. It had been a running joke between her and Tim over what exactly their father did at the Pentagon, but apparently, now it was well worth it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t know what exactly is wrong with him, but I know they’ve got a heart surgeon flying with him to keep him stable. He’ll likely be treated somewhere on the East Coast, maybe Walter Reed.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell them to bring him to Grey Sloan,” she said before her mind fully caught up with her mouth. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Zozo, there are plenty of hospitals-” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What good is it owning a hospital if not to help your family? We have one of the best heart surgeons here if that’s what he needs, and a brilliant neurosurgeon, and whatever else he could need, we’ve got here.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Are you sure, Arizona?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“For Christ’s sake, Daniel, Arizona’s right. She literally owns a hospital. Arizona, your father will have it sorted out. We’ll be on the next flight out to Seattle.” Her mother choked out a sob. “My God, my baby, my baby.”</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was a quiet commotion on the other end of the phone. Arizona dug her dull, short nails into her right leg, the mild pain grounding her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Right, Arizona, I’ll make some calls. They’ll need to speak to you and whoever’s in charge at your hospital. I… Christ, it’s like a waking dream,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her father stammered, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll be in touch.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, Dad, love you,” Arizona mumbled into the phone, an overwhelming sense of numbness seeping into her body. Her parents echoed the sentiment before ending the phone call. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Without warning, a sob tore out of her chest, accompanied by an unending stream of tears. Arizona gasped desperately for air, but it was never enough. She curled in on herself, clutching at her sides. She fell back onto her bed as she cried into her duvet. Her prosthetic dug into her other leg, but she barely even noticed the discomfort. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her phone buzzed twice more next to her head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tim was alive. She had lived an entire decade without her little brother. She had fallen in love, gotten married, had a kid, lost a leg, got divorced, and all the while, Tim was alive. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A wave of nausea rose in her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Would the person who came back still be her dorky, caring, annoying little brother? Or would he be a completely different person? She saw how service had affected her father and Owen and Teddy, the slightly haunted look in their eyes some nights. She was intimately aware of the havoc PTSD could wreak on your life. Would it really be Tim coming back or just Tim’s body without him? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She coughed once, suppressing the urge to vomit. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She had to think positively. She had to. She needed to be strong for Tim. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her phone buzzed again and Arizona seriously contemplated throwing it into the wall. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Reluctantly, she picked it up to find out who had been insistently messaging her. A few messages from the rest of the board with quick questions regarding their upcoming meeting. One from one of her residents with a question about one of her patients; she quickly responded. None from Eliza, but at this point, she honestly didn’t care. And four from Callie, lovely. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Callie Torres [10:39 AM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>Seriously, Arizona? Did you really just hang up on me? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Callie Torres [10:41 AM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>All I’m asking is that if there’s a major, life-threatening incident, you at the very least let me know you aren’t dead. That’s all I’m asking. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Callie Torres [10:41 AM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>This is really mature, Arizona. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Callie Torres [10:50 AM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>I’m sorry. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Absently, Arizona noticed the steady drip of water in her bathroom. Her brow creased and she twisted to look. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck!” She stumbled to her feet, nearly slipping on the thin layer of water over the floor. She shut off the water and pulled the drain as water slowly spilt over the edge. Arizona let out a few more curses as her t-shirt stuck to her, dripping wet. She limped gingerly to the toilet, dropping down and burying her head in her heads. “Fucking fuck, fuck.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She dragged a towel down and tried to dry the floor as much as possible with one foot. Once it seemed safer, she walked over to the sink and mirror, staring at herself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Holy fuck, Tim’s alive,” she whispered to herself, trying to make this moment real. “Jesus Christ, Tim’s coming home,” she laughed, almost edging into a manic laugh. “Oh my god, what the actual fuck?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She nearly stumbled back out to her room before smelling the smoke still in her hair and decided she would shower first and then deal with the extreme clusterfuck that her life seemed to perpetually be. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Freshly showered and no longer reeking of smoke, Arizona collected her phone and set herself up in the dining room. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once she had spoken with Bailey and set up a room for her brother, calls started coming in from various elements of the military and government. She had spoken to a Senator, two Congressmen, an Admiral, a General as well as several lower-ranking people. They all spoke highly of her father and his service, paid deference to her family’s long-standing history of service and then once they were finished with extolling praise, they attempted to make it as complicated as possible for her to get her brother to Seattle. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But Arizona Robbins was not a quitter, especially when it came to Tim. She had made him a promise, years and years ago, when they moved to Germany and Tim refused to go to school. She had told him she wouldn’t leave him behind and she’d always be right next to him, that so long as they were next to each other, nothing bad could happen. And right now, she couldn’t help but feel like she had let him down. And so, she would do everything to fix it and make it better. It was certainly a long way from sneaking him Hershey bars and putting Spiderman bandaids on his knees, but they had grown up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Andrew had passed through the house at some point, looking a bit peaky, his gaze distant. He waved at her as she spoke with a coordinator at Bremerton Naval Base and then disappeared upstairs. Any other day and she might have gone and checked up on him, but she had a different little brother to worry about. As she waited on hold, she couldn’t help but smile at the thought. She had been collecting little brothers for years now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“...yes! Thank you so much. Once he lands, can you have him transferred to Grey Sloan?” She drummed her fingers against the table as the man on the other end waffled. “Yes, we have a helicopter pad… Are you really telling me that the Navy doesn’t have a spare helicopter to transport an injured war hero?” She growled, “Are you serious right now? Okay, you know what, fine, I’ll get a helicopter from Grey Sloan. Yes… I have that authority. I own part of the damn hospital. Yes, okay, well, you have a fantastic day, Major.” Arizona slammed her phone down, letting out an exhale of frustration. “Fuck you too, Major,” she mumbled to herself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Glancing at her watch, she let out a curse. She was running majorly late to the board meeting. She winced as she took in the worn jeans and even more worn Marines’ sweater. It would have to do. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As she drove into the hospital, she called her parents with an update, barely managing to get a word out over her mother’s rambling and teary outburst. Her father now sounded almost disturbingly calm as he wrangled them into the airport, ending the call with a promise to send her constant updates with their progress. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Pulling into the hospital parking lot, Arizona let out a high pitched laugh as she realized that her entire family was soon to be in the air, a feeling of dread nearly puncturing the airy, joyful feeling that felt almost foreign to her these days. She let her head rest on her steering wheel for a moment, collecting herself, before dragging herself from the car. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Emergency services were still spread out around the hospital, dealing with the remnants of the fire. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As she walked in, she tried to call Eliza, simply to check-in, but it rolled straight to voicemail. She was about to leave a message when she saw Jackson walk out of a room. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Avery!” she called, hurrying to catch up with him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Dr Robbins?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I need a favor.” He motioned for her to go on, his eyebrows already raised. “I need the helicopter.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He let out a chuckle. “Wait, are you serious? You need the helicopter? The helicopter? What for? Going for dinner in Portland?” She pushed down the urge to smack him on the arm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I need to fly to Bremerton Naval Base.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, so let me get this straight, you need the helicopter, which is owned by the hospital, to fly to Bremerton Naval Base?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I need a why here.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My brother.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You have a brother?” His brow creased. Arizona nearly rolled her eyes. She and Jackson weren’t close, never had been close, so why he would or would not know about her family wasn’t her concern. “But April said…” He rubbed at the back of his neck before saying, “She said he died overseas.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona flashed a bright smile that had seemed impossible yesterday. “Turns out, he’s not dead, but he is in urgent need of medical care. He’s been…” Arizona trailed off, unsure how much to say. “He’s been held captive for a decade and needs the best medical care. I’ve already cleared it with Bailey and she has a room on stand-by. If the fact that he’s my brother isn’t enough, just think of the publicity of treating a highly decorated Army Ranger, who’s been rescued. Look, Jackson, please,” she started to plead.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His expression slowly fell open, his eyes wider than she had ever seen before. “Oh, of course, Arizona, anything you need.” He dropped his gaze to his watch. “We can discuss as we walk?” He suggested. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you so much, Jackson!” She pulled him into a hug impulsively, laughing at the way he yelped in surprise. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Er, of course.” The pair fell into step as they navigated their way through the carnage of the hospital. “When is he arriving?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s landing in Virginia this evening and then they’ll fly him out to Bremerton and then he’ll be transferred here. There’s a cardio surgeon travelling with him, but I’m not sure what exactly his condition is. Apparently, the Army takes HIPAA seriously,” she said with a wry grin. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They stopped outside the conference room where Meredith, Richard, Bailey and Catherine already sat. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think you’ll be taking time off?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona hesitated. She hadn’t even thought about how this would affect her work. “I mean, I’m the only fetal surgeon we have, and it’s not like I can or would be operating on my brother.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, but this is a lot to deal with. I’m sure we could find someone to cover your surgeries.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let me think about it. My surgeries for the next few days have already been postponed and we can cross that bridge later, once I know what’s going on with Tim and what needs to happen with him. My parents are flying in so they’ll be able to help out. But I just don’t know,” Arizona was fully aware that she was rambling, but there was energy coursing through her like there hadn’t been in years. “Basically, just, I, I don’t know.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jackson smiled kindly at her as he nodded, “Of course, I’m sure you and Bailey can discuss all of this further, but I’ll support whatever decision you make.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her phone started buzzing, so she excused herself for a moment to check it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What were you and Avery discussing?” Alex asked, casually eating an apple as he joined her outside the conference room. She glanced up from the message from her dad confirming they had made it on the plane, practically beaming at him. “What, did you get laid or something?” Arizona laughed, only causing Alex’s expression to further crease. “Okay, you’re being like seriously weird, dude.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tim’s alive,” she said conspiratorially, nudging Alex’s shoulder with her own. “Tim’s alive!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Alex frowned for a moment before her favourite dopey smile crossed his face. “Wait, your brother? Like your dead brother? He’s alive? What is he? A vampire?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona shook her head quickly, unable to stop smiling. “No, no, they found him and he’s on his way here and oh my God, Alex, my brother’s alive.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s amazing!” He laughed, tossing his half-eaten apple into a trash can before lifting her into a hug and spinning her around. “You deserve some good news, Robbins,” He said, setting her down. “I’m so happy for you.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Alex. Don’t think this means I’m not still gonna ride your ass and make sure you’re a good person,” she said good-naturedly, slugging his shoulder. She peered past him into the conference room, surprised to see Callie already up on video, a confused furrow to her brow. She then noticed the rest of the room also looking out the window at her and Alex. “We better get in there.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona pointedly ignored the confused-slash-irritated look on Callie’s face. Not even Callie’s strange moods could bring her down today. This time tomorrow, she’d be able to see her brother, touch him, talk to him, tell him how much she loved him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She thankfully had little to contribute to the meeting and managed to get by just agreeing with the majority. A small argument had broken out over security protocols in the hospital, but Catherine had put her foot down, deciding they would contract an outside firm to evaluate their protocols. In her words, this hospital was cursed. In Meredith’s mumble to Arizona, it was still Seattle Grace Mercy Death. Arizona bit down on her cheek to stop a laugh. Callie had openly scowled at that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona periodically checked her phone as her father continued to send updates and someone from her father’s office sent further details about Tim’s flight in from Germany and the logistics of moving him out to Washington. The current plan was to observe him for a few hours in Virginia before moving him out. Hope bloomed in her chest at that. He must be at least conscious for the doctors to agree to such an aggressive plan. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A loud cough interrupted Arizona, causing her to look up from her phone. Bailey stared at her pointedly before saying, “Arizona, should we discuss your schedule for the next few days, what with everything going on with you?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before Arizona could reply, Callie cut in, “Everything going on with you? What?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My surgeries have already been pushed for a few days due to the fire and unless we bring in another fetal surgeon, I’ll still cover any emergent cases and my residents can assist on consults.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Arizona,” Callie spoke, her tone clear even over video. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Arizona,” Richard intervened before Callie could work herself up, “is there something we should be aware of?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With brief smiles from Alex and Bailey, Arizona nodded, barely able to contain the bubble of joy in her chest. “Grey Sloan will be receiving an Army officer sometime tomorrow, who is in an unknown condition after being held captive for a decade. He’s currently on a military transport from Germany to land in Virginia shortly before going on to Washington.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it one of Tim’s friends or someone from his unit?” Callie asked, leaning closer to the camera, concern plain in her eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona ignored the look Bailey gave her as she realized Callie didn’t know it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tim</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “No, no, it’s not.” She shook her head. She continued before Callie could interrupt again, “It’s Tim.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Arizona! That is wonderful news,” Richard said, reaching across the table to pat her on the hand. She grinned back at him. Catherine looked somewhat indifferent to the whole ordeal but nodded kindly nonetheless. Bailey shook her head fondly while Alex just knocked her leg when he spun his chair towards her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Callie, meanwhile, was staring openmouthed on the video feed at Arizona. Words seemed to have finally failed Callie. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona cast a cursory glance towards Meredith, who had gone incredibly still. Guilt briefly surged within Arizona. She knew exactly how she would feel if Meredith had announced Lexie was suddenly alive again; some terrible combination of grief and anger and guilt towards whoever had been lucky enough to have someone lost returned to them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t tell me,” Callie finally said, her tone disturbingly level. Arizona hated that tone; it never meant anything good. “Seriously, Arizona? I spoke to you like this morning. Are you serious?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, Callie-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If that’s everything, I’m sure you all have things to do.” Arizona could’ve kissed Catherine at that moment. The last thing she wanted was to have another strangely charged argument in front of her colleagues and the best way to head off Callie’s ranting was to simply just cut it off at the start. Catherine scanned around the room, waiting for someone to argue. Callie looked like she wanted to, but instead, just cut her feed like a teenager slamming the phone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona shook off the feelings Callie always managed to bring up in her. It didn’t matter. Tim would be here. She had to focus on that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Richard lingered behind for a few moments to chat with her, once again congratulating her, even though she wasn’t sure what she had done to merit it. He naturally promised to do whatever he could to ensure that Tim received the highest level of care. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Richard, it means a lot.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Now, you ought to get some rest, Robbins, you’ve got a busy time ahead of you.” He clapped her on the shoulder once more before leaving. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She slumped back down in one of the chairs, pulling out her phone in hopes of another update. Already, there was a missed call from Callie. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Better to just get it out of the way. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Callie picked up barely halfway through the first ring. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Callie,” Arizona greeted, pulling her free hand deeper into her sweater. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Arizona,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>came Callie’s clipped response, the hostility radiating over the phone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona pinched the bridge of her nose, exhaling slowly. “My dad called, which is why I hung up on you and he said, he, he said that Tim was alive and on his way to the States. I told him that Tim should be transferred here, so I’ve spent the past few hours arguing with half of Capitol Hill and the US military over how to get Tim here. I wasn’t trying to keep anything from you. Bailey knew because I needed to coordinate his care at Grey Sloan, but I really didn’t expect her to bring it up. I would’ve told you, I swear Callie.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I know, Arizona, I just-” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But honestly, Callie,” Arizona interjected, “I don’t owe you anything. And it’s not okay for you to practically start yelling at me in the middle of a board meeting. I did nothing wrong and you never let me explain myself or even finish a sentence-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“That’s so unfair, Arizona.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona let out a sad chuckle, “You literally just proved my point. Look, Callie, I’ll call Sofia later today, but please don’t say anything to her about Tim yet. I don’t know if he’ll...if he’ll be well enough to see her without it being upsetting to her. God only knows what he went through, what he’ll have to go through.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you really think so little of me that I would just go off and tell Sofia something like this without talking to you?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Callie, that’s not what I’m saying, I just… I’ve had a long day, I just… it’s nothing to do with you.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Callie scoffed, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Whatever, Arizona, I have to go.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The line clicked dead and Arizona rubbed at her eyes. She needed to sleep. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Dad, I will call as soon as I see him. You and Mom should just wait in my office. Yes, Dad, yes, yes, yes, Sir. No, I am not being flippant. I promise, okay, I need to go. I’ll see you shortly.” Arizona finally managed to end the call with her father, ignoring the amused expression on the helicopter pilot’s face. She swallowed back her rising anxiety, briefly wishing for a moment she had taken Alex up on his offer to give her some Xanax. “Okay, let’s go, Scott.” She nodded resolutely. She could do this. She needed to do this for Tim. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona stared out over Elliott Bay as the helicopter flew across the water towards the naval base. She tried to do some of the breathing exercises that her therapist had given her, but her mind was too preoccupied to focus on anything other than Tim. So much so, that she was barely aware of the helicopter touching down until Scott waved in front of her face. “Doc Robbins, we’re here. There’s a whole bunch of squids waiting for you.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona swallowed hard, nodding stiffly. “Thanks, Scott.” He gave her a lazy salute and grin. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona carefully climbed out of the helicopter, mindful of the lowgrade pain in her leg and the slight limp. She made her way towards the small contingent of Navy men waiting for her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dr Robbins, I presume?” A greying man said, stepping forward, a hand already extended. She nodded and took his hand. “Colonel Pfieffer, we spoke yesterday.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, thank you again for all your help.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shall we?” He gestured towards the building behind them. “They’ve just taken Captain Robbins off of his sedatives so he should be awake and lucid enough to speak before you move him on to Grey Sloan.” As she fell into step with him, he continued speaking, “I was surprised you and your father wanted him moved there, given you know, all of the drama surrounding that place. I mean, the stories I’ve heard, gunmen and plane crashes and now a fire?” He tsked, looking towards her for agreement. “I don’t suppose you’d tell me why.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her mouth twisted up in a wry smile. “For starters, Colonel, I work there.” The Colonel had the good grace to look marginally embarrassed, but Arizona pressed on, “Furthermore, I own a share of the hospital and sit on the board.” The Colonel’s face flushed beneath his cap, uttering a soft “oh”. “It’s quite alright, Colonel, although I’ll have to pass onto the board how our reputation proceeds us.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I meant no disrespect, ma’am.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And I took none, Colonel.” They paused outside a closed room, a lone man on guard outside of it. “Is this, is this Tim’s room?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, ma’am. You’re free to enter.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona blinked back the sudden rush of tears. She pinched herself lightly on one hand, trying to centre herself. “Okay. Right. Okay.” The Colonel took a few steps back, leaving her to enter on her own terms. After a few more steadying breaths, she pushed the door open. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For a long moment, she just stared at the profile of the man on the bed, his face covered by a thick beard, partly obscured as he stared out the small window. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She let the door click shut behind her. The sound seemed to jar him out of his gaze violently, immediately whipping around to face her. She gasped as she saw the distinctive blue eyes of her brother, a few shades darker than her own, normally filled with mischief, but now wary. His brow creased for a few seconds as he desperately searched her face, then relaxed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey loser,” he rasped, his voice barely more than a whisper. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey dork,” she echoed, her voice cracking. She took a few more steps towards him until she was at the edge of his bed. Her hand twitched at her side, desperate to touch him, but thinking better of it. She settled instead for staring intently, taking in every familiar and different detail of his face. There was the familiar scar across the bridge of his nose from when they had been playing tag in the woods behind their grandparents’ cabin and Tim had run into a low hanging branch. His freckles seemed to have doubled in the desert sun, spreading across his entire face. But not everything was so familiar. A new, thick scar bisected his left eye, reminding her of the pirates Tim used to be obsessed with. But it was Tim. It was still Tim. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She choked back a sob, unable to stop herself from bringing a hand to his face. Tim watched her with the caution of a wounded animal. “Oh, Timmy boy.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Zoie.” For a moment, it looked like he wanted to touch her or hug her, but then a wince went through his whole body. “I’d touch you too, but I’m afraid my hands and arms are a bit out of commission.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At that, Arizona took a moment to scan the rest of his body. His arms were covered in bandages and casts and she could only imagine the damage. Bandages also peeked out from beneath his gown. His legs were covered by a blanket and quite frankly, Arizona wasn’t sure if she could handle seeing what else he had gone through. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“God, I missed you.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tim managed a crooked smile, barely visible through his beard. “Missed you too, Zoie. So are you like an actual doctor now?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, head of paediatrics and fetal medicine,” she said, carding her fingers through Tim’s hair, darker and greyer than she remembered. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The door opened behind Arizona, whoever entered immediately speaking, “Alright, Captain, let’s get you ready- Arizona?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Teddy?” Arizona exclaimed as she stared at her old friend. “What’re you doing here?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Escorting him from Germany, wait, why are you here?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m her much better-looking brother,” Tim interjected, leaning around Arizona. Arizona barked out a laugh, almost not trusting her voice due to how normal Tim sounded. “Captain Tim Robbins, but I’m guessing it says that already.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Her what?” Teddy glanced between the siblings, her eyebrows rising ever higher towards her hairline. “You’re supposed to be dead.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not for lack of trying,” Tim said drily. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not fucking funny, Timothy John Robbins Junior,” gasped out Arizona, pinning her brother with a look that Mark had called her scary-mommy look. “So beyond not funny.” Tim flushed slightly, dropping her gaze.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Teddy nodded slowly, her eyes wide. “Okay, so you’re not dead. I mean, obviously, you’re not dead. I just, wow, long lost brother. That’s a trip,” she chuckled, shaking her head. “Right, well, let’s get you ready to go then, Captain.” Teddy motioned for a few orderlies to enter and ready Tim. “He’s got a long road ahead of him, but I’m sure you guys can take care of him. There’s some damage to his heart from electro-shock I’d guess and probably some further neuro checks wouldn’t hurt. But honestly, what I think is most pressing are his hands and his leg, so it’s good that you married an ortho god, huh, Arizona? Callie’s definitely the right person for the job, so long as the Chief is fine with her operating on her brother in law.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona’s mouth fell open as Teddy winked at her. Had she really not spoken to Teddy in that long? She cast a wary look back at her brother. “Callie left me,” she murmured to Teddy, not quite ready to explain her relationship status to her brother. “She left me and took Sofia to New York with her new girlfriend and I’m so sorry, I’ve been a terrible friend.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Major Altman, the patient is ready for transport.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona walked alongside Tim’s gurney, resting one hand on her shoulder as they walked through the hallways. “Mom and Dad are waiting for you. Mom hasn’t stopped crying in like two days. Dad’s being all Colonel Robbins.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh God, all I want are Mom’s brownies, you know the ones with the fudgy frosting,” Tim mumbled, clearly under the effect of some very fun painkillers. “I missed food, Zoie. Turns out terrorists have </span>
  <em>
    <span>terrible </span>
  </em>
  <span>food.” One of the orderlies pushing the gurney stifled a laugh. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure Mom can make you some brownies.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm, and lasagne, I might kill someone for a lasagne.” Tim continued listing off all the foods he wanted until he was loaded into the helicopter. Teddy and Arizona settled on either side of him, Teddy busy with the various monitors, Arizona focused on keeping Tim comfortable. “So, did you two, ya know, ever, ya know?” He tried to wiggle his eyebrows at his sister, but it looked more like a demented wink with how the drugs were affecting him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona burst out laughing. “Me and Teddy? No, no, definitely not.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Geez, Arizona, no need to deny so much,” pouted Teddy, a smile in her eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow, Zozo, what happened to your game?” he slurred, a dopey smile on his face. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Zozo?” Teddy mouthed over the gurney. Arizona just rolled her eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>One hand wrapped around the side of Tim’s gurney as the helicopter started to take off. Teddy stared at her, concern clear in her face, but Arizona brushed it away. She was almost done. Just get back to Grey Sloan and she wouldn’t need to fly for a while. Until she saw Sofia again. But nope, she wasn’t going down that very depressing rabbit hole. She had Tim back and nothing could bring her down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Teddy filled the time by talking about what she had been up to in Germany and Arizona was eternally grateful for the mindless distraction. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This flight seemed to take even less time than the first and before she knew it, they were touching down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bailey and Hunt stood waiting with a handful of residents behind them. She glanced towards Teddy when she noticed Hunt, but the other woman’s face remained neutral. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bailey threw open the helicopter door, taking a half step back at the sight of Teddy. “Dr Altman, what’re you doing here?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Bringing this soldier home, Bailey, now let’s get moving.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona stood back as Tim was offloaded, wrapping her arms around herself as the wind whipped around her. Everyone was bustling around Tim and there wasn’t anything she could do. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, Captain, let’s get you inside and fix you up,” Hunt said as they moved him into the elevator. “Robbins, you should go grab your folks while we get him comfortable.” There was a longing in Hunt’s eyes that baffled her. She was nearly positive it wasn’t to do with Teddy, but you could never be too sure with Hunt’s romantic entanglements. “Teddy, d’you have his charts and records?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Got ‘em right here. And MedCom should be sending digital files as well.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You Army?” Tim asked, his words still slurred. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Major Hunt, US Army.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure got a lot of joes hanging ‘round, Zozo,” Tim grinned up at her. Arizona ignored the flush in her cheeks at her boss and half a dozen residents hearing her childhood nickname. “The Colonel must be bummmmmmed,” he drew the last word out. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe adjust his pain meds before my parents come in?” Arizona suggested as she stepped off the elevator at peds. “I’ll see you in a few, dork.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mhm, loser.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona exhaled slowly as she turned back to peds, the normalcy of it all throwing her for a loop. It felt like the world should be fundamentally different from how it was. It was as if there were three stages TA (Tim Alive), TD (Tim Dead) and TAA (Tim Alive Again). But to the people before her, the worried parents and sick tiny humans and bustling nurses, nothing had changed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She shook herself mentally and made her way back to her office. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her father was rhythmically wearing a hole in her carpet while it looked like her mother had alphabetized the haphazard stack of journals piled behind her desk. They both looked up intently when she entered, warring hope and fear in both their faces. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s Tim. It’s really him. He’s got a horrible beard and freckles and he’s so skinny. But it’s Tim.” Her father, never one for grand gestures of affection, crossed the room in a few strides and pulled her into a tight hug. “It’s Tim,” she echoed, tears spilling down her cheeks. “It’s really him, Daddy.” Her mother joined them, sobbing into Arizona’s hair. Eventually, Arizona’s pager went off with a message from Owen that Tim was settled. “Do you… let’s go see him.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Lead the way, Zozo.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, I’m officially banning Zozo from the walls of this hospital,” she said, her voice still thick from tears. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her mother clutched her hand as they made their way to Tim’s room as if she thought both her children might disappear. Her father looked like he had the day before a deployment, jaw set, eyes hard, but she knew it was just his way of coping.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bailey greeted them at the nurses’ station, explaining that they would start working out a course of treatment toward and go from there. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we see him now though?” Her mother asked shakily, squeezing the life out Arizona’s hand. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, of course.” Bailey waved them on. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona entered first, flashing a bright smile at her brother who looked slightly more lucid, if not more in pain. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Timmy!” Her mother cried, rushing past Arizona to wrap her arms around Tim, who winced but didn’t move away. “My baby, oh, my baby,” she babbled, brushing her hands over Tim’s hair, finally pulling back to look at his face. “Oh, your eye, oh, Tim.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona jumped as a hand landed on her shoulder. She stared up at her father, who was silently crying next to her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once Barbara finally released her son, Daniel stepped forward, his eyes bright. “Hello, son.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dad,” sighed Tim, his spine straightening out of habit. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“At ease, Timothy.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona leaned against the doorframe, watching as her parents sat with her brother, both of them openly crying. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Arizona, if you have a minute?” Teddy said, gesturing out to the hallway. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“‘Course,” she said, following Teddy out. Owen and Bailey were pouring over what must have been Tim’s chart with incredibly serious expressions. “What’s up?” Owen wordlessly passed over a tablet with a series of x-rays pulled up. “Oh my god,” she whispered as she stared at the extensive damage to both of her brother’s hands. “What...how? I’ve never even seen anything like this.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Teddy and Owen exchanged a meaningful glance. Owen cleared his throat and said, “It’s not an uncommon technique of torture. It also looks like he may have been fist fighting or something like that.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“God, Tim,” she whispered, more to herself than anyone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Arizona, before you go to the next scans, I should warn you, it’s, well,” Owen stammered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ignoring his warnings, Arizona moved to the next scan. Her heart dropped out. “This has to be a joke, right?” She looked up at the other three, who had equally serious expressions on their faces. “This is a joke.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s a chance-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Owen, don’t give me that. I know what this looks like. God,” Arizona cast her eyes upward. “This is seriously twisted.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Arizona, with the right surgeon, there’s a good chance amputation won’t be necessary,” Bailey cut in, pinning her with a particularly pointed look. “And his hands, he needs artificial cartilage.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course he does.” She shoved the tablet back at Owen, only slightly harder than necessary. Owen, bless him, took it without question. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bailey pursed her lips as if debating whether or not to say something. “Arizona, it’s best for your brother. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> best for your brother. I wouldn’t suggest it if it wasn’t the best option. You’re more than welcome to discuss it with Dr Vincent, but you know as well as I do that he’s barely more than a glorified carpenter. This, this surgery you need a, a-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“An artist,” Arizona finished, her shoulders sinking. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Arizona, Callie would do it for you,” Teddy said, resting a hand on her arm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona let out a cold laugh. “You’ve missed a lot, Teddy. But yeah, I’ll give her a call. If she won’t do it, she could probably at least make a recommendation. I’m gonna, I’ll just, yeah, I’ll call her.” She inhaled slowly, trying to prepare herself for the grovelling and pleading she was going to have to do. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She wandered back towards her brother’s room, but she found herself unable to go in. Of course, she wanted what was best for Tim and she would do anything. But with how things had been with Callie as of late, the idea of having to beg Callie to come out and help her brother was hard to swallow, to say the least. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she felt a headache coming on. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You just gonna pace out here all day, Arizona?” Her father’s voice broke through her thoughts.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, yeah, I’m coming in.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You look troubled.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You could say that,” she sighed, joining her mother in a chair next to Tim’s bedside. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her mother twisted to look at her. “What did the doctors say? You look concerned. Is something wrong with Tim?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no, Tim’s fine, well, not fine, it’s complicated.” She glanced up at her brother who was staring resolutely down at his lap. “Teddy, er, Dr Altman is concerned about Tim’s heart, so they’ll have to monitor that before there can be any of the other surgeries.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Other surgeries?” Her father asked. Arizona twisted her hands together, too many emotions warring inside her. “Arizona.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, sorry. Their primary concerns are-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My hands and my right leg,” finished Tim, his jaw tight and his eyes cold. “They’re toast, right?” Tim hissed a low curse under his breath, the uncharacteristic anger throwing Arizona off. The Tim she knew cracked jokes and was cheerful. There was a wave of underlying anger that was simultaneously familiar and unfamiliar. A stray thought pointed out that this might have been how Callie felt after the plane crash. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Arizona?” Her mother pleaded, grabbing at her hands. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, I’m not an orthopaedic surgeon, so I’m not really the one to ask.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you’re my sister and you’re a goddamn doctor,” hissed Tim, his voice low and harsh. Arizona flinched. “You can at the very least be straight with me.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona scrubbed a hand over her face. “I… It’s complicated, Tim. Your hands are a mess and your leg, your leg is in a bad way. There’s someone who might be able to help. She’s good. The best, actually. And she can potentially fix a lot, but there’s a lot of damage and I can’t promise that it will ever be the same as it was before. But it’s complicated. I’ll see what I can do.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Who is it, Arizona?” Her father asked and if there was ever a leading question. She knew her father knew what Callie did and how good she was. “What do you need to do? What does all of this mean?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona bit her cheek until she could taste blood. Her mother squeezed her hand again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It means I have to call Callie.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>in which we are all tim robbins and wondering an eloquent: what the actual fuck</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>chapter two</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona turned her phone over endlessly in her hands as she paced in the attendings’ lounge. She knew that she needed to call Callie and just get it over with. But her pride recoiled slightly. Part of her knew that Callie would easily agree and swoop in and save the day because she was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>good </span>
  </em>
  <span>person. But the small part of Arizona where she hid her still incredibly wounded heart cringed back in fear that Callie wouldn’t be able to look past all of the hurt Arizona had inflicted on her. And really, was it even fair of Arizona to drag Callie into all of this? Wouldn’t it just be better to leave Callie in her happy little bubble in New York with Sofia and Perfect, Pretty Penny? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But then she saw Tim’s scarred and worn, but still smiling face before her eyes and how could she give up on her little brother? He had suffered so much, more than any of them could even imagine, and he deserved the highest quality of life. Arizona and the others had lived in fear for four days with the potent smell of death and doom hanging over them. Tim had survived for ten years. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona chewed on her bottom lip harshly as she spun on her good leg to complete another lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Old feelings of guilt and unhealed wounds surfaced inside her as she tried to practice what she would say to Callie. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Hey, Callie, I know you might still sort of hate me but could you please come and save my brother?’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>or </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Callie, come save Sofia’s Uncle Tim?’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Anything she came up  with seemed halfhearted or whiny at best. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, of course, her mind made the natural leap to what Callie’s response would be. On the one hand, Callie was often gracious and never passed up a chance to demonstrate her skill and her artistry. And that would be the best case scenario. Callie would quickly agree and then be on the next flight out. She would fix Tim up and everything would be just fine. But on the other hand, Arizona’s mind couldn’t quite move past Callie’s occasional inclinations towards hostility and even cruelty over the past few years. Not that she blamed her by any means; their breakdown was squarely on Arizona’s shoulders. She was the one who couldn’t get over her leg. She was the one who cheated. She was the one who wasn’t enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What would she do if Callie refused? She wouldn’t blame Callie, but where would that leave Tim? Arizona wasn’t above begging, even if her pride rankled at the idea of pleading with the woman who had taken her daughter away. No, no, this was about Tim, not Arizona’s stupid pride and stupid feelings and stupid inability to get over Callie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mind drifted to something she had said to Cristina Yang of all people, ages ago. She needed to think of Tim throwing a ball with his kid and going hunting with their dad and losing to her at video games and a million other things. She didn’t linger on his leg because that was sure to send her into a seriously dangerous spiral. But his hands, his hands she could focus on. Hands that she had held every day walking to school until Tim started high school. Hands that had pushed her out of a tree once. Hands that had held her when she broke up with her first girlfriend. Hands that had rested on her shoulders moments before she came out to her father as he told her, “Chin up, Zoie.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded to herself, twisting again on her good leg. She could do this. She could set aside her pride and her hurt for Tim. Her little brother needed her just the same as he had needed her when he was five and wanted to bike with his friends but their dad had been away too long so she spent her spring break teaching him. Or when he nearly failed math in seventh grade because the numbers just didn’t make sense. Or all of the times they had made a fort and had sleepovers because it was easier to not have nightmares if they pretended they were camping and could hold onto each other. Tim still needed her and Arizona would not let him down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Robbins, you can do this. You got this,” she said to herself, trying to work herself into it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door opened and one of the newer attendings shuffled in. Steve something, some guy in Amelia’s department, he looked vaguely familiar and normally she probably would’ve struck up a casual conversation, but she thought if she opened her mouth and it wasn’t to speak with Callie, she just might throw up. Steve nodded at her briefly before grabbing something out of his locker and leaving. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, Robbins. It’s just Callie. The worst she can say is no,” she mumbled, pushing down the anxiety building in her stomach. Before her momentary courage could fail her, she pressed Callie’s contact and listened as it rang. It rang nearly three times before Callie answered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Torres.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Callie? It’s Arizona, sorry is this a bad time?” She cringed at how shaky her voice sounded. She dropped into one of the chairs, absently picking up a random pen someone had abandoned. “I can call back later-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No, no, it’s fine, sorry, I was just heading into my office. Just finished surgery.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, did it go well?” She winced again. She had had warmer conversations with Melissa, the check out girl at her grocery store. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Um, yeah, it was just routine surgery. I don’t get too many challenging cases here. The head of ortho here, Murray, is very concerned with success rates, etc. Though I think it’s more to do with the fact that he doesn’t want me showing him off or getting any awards before him. He won’t even let me have a lab,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Calle groaned and Arizona’s heart lifted. This was a welcome departure from the snappy, harsh tone Callie had taken up with her yesterday and it almost felt like they were on friendly terms. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“But I doubt you called to ask me about a hip replacement.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I didn’t,” she said softly, fidgeting with the pen in her hand, apparently unaware of the pen marks slowly appearing on her palm. “It’s about Tim.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Is he okay? I mean, he’s alive and knows who you are and everything right?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Arizona tried and failed to ignore the wave of affection for Callie in that moment. Callie was one of the most compassionate people she had ever met, in fact, that was the first thing Arizona had told her she loved about her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona exhaled, trying to let some of the anxiety leave her body. It was just Callie. “Yeah, he’s here and he knows who I am and my mom can’t stop crying. He’s got this beard and all I can think about is Tim in like his freshman year of high school sitting in my bathroom as I tried to figure out how to shave his face because he started growing this sad little moustache and I fully just cut him and he cried for like an hour, and,” she trailed off, cheeks flushing, “Sorry, I’m rambling.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No, no, you’ve, you’ve had a rough couple of days, Arizona. You know I never minded hearing stories about Tim.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>The softness in Callie’s voice surprised Arizona. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“And for the record, I’m sorry about yesterday.”</span>
  </em>
  <span>  Callie paused, taking a few slow breaths. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’d had a rough day and then I was worried about you, and I know I shouldn’t’ve, but old habits, you know? It wasn’t personal.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>It wasn’t personal, that about summed up her and Callie’s relationship these days. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona nodded before realizing that Callie couldn’t see her. “No, no, it’s fine. I, I should’ve let you known what was going on.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I appreciate that, Arizona. But you were saying about Tim?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ah yes, the moment of truth and all that jazz. Arizona’s left thigh flexed as if to start bouncing her left leg, an old nervous habit. She pushed her fingers into her quad until it relaxed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, right, yeah, can I send you his scans?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sure, I guess?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Before Callie could say anything more, Arizona pressed send on the email she had prepared before making the call. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“What should I be looking for?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona chuckled sadly, “I think you’ll know it when you see it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few moments passed in silence until she heard the telltale ding of Callie’s inbox. There was a flurry of movement on the other end of the line and then, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Jesus Christ.”</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s bad, isn’t it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie took a long moment before she said, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t think I’ve ever seen damage quite like this before. I mean, God, Arizona, I don’t even know what could cause this level of damage. And there’s a lot of old breaks and fractures that never healed properly or are out of place. And the nerve damage, has Jackson looked at this?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No idea,” Arizona responded absently, swallowing back tears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie mumbled something under her breath that Arizona couldn’t quite make out. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I mean, wow. That’s, wow. Who’s your ortho guy over there?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>The corner of Arizona’s mouth ticked up at Callie’s all too familiar excitement over a potentially challenging surgery. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vincent.” Callie made a short noise of displeasure. “Is there any possibility that he could regain some function of his hands?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It would depend on the surgeon.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Arizona could’ve sworn she heard a smile in Callie’s voice. Callie must know why she called and was making her work for it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you look at the x-ray of his leg?” She nearly chewed through her bottom lip as she waited for Callie to speak. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally, when she did, Arizona quickly decided she was not fond of her tone. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Arizona, his leg, I don’t… If it isn’t amputated, he’ll barely be able to move, let alone walk or be active. He’d be better off with a-” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Prosthetic,” Arizona finished, biting back a cruel laugh. “He needs an above the knee amputation, doesn’t he?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He probably needed one a while ago, to be perfectly honest. Not to be crass or bring up bad memories, but…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It looks remarkably similar to mine.” Arizona cast her gaze to the ceiling, silently cursing whatever higher power was out there. “I know.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You looked at your x-rays?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Callie asked, not bothering to conceal the shock in her voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm, Cate, my therapist, thought it would be beneficial for me to actually see the damage and fully come to terms. And she, she was right. I also read the case notes and went over them with Karev.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Um, good, that’s good.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>An awkward moment of silence passed between them. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Going back to Tim, so long as he consents to the amputation, which I think any half-decent ortho surgeon would recommend, that’s the easy part. His hands, on the other hand, pardon the pun, will take at least a few surgeries to deal with all of the breaks and damaged or destroyed cartilage and all of the nerve damage. How much function he retains will depend on the actual extent of the damage, how much work he’s willing to put in and again, who does the surgery.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona nodded. Callie was clearly leading, although if it was out of personal obligation or professional interest, Arizona wasn’t entirely sure. Well, now or never, she supposed. “Callie, do you think, I mean, if it’s possible, could you come out and at least take a look in person at his hands? I mean, you don’t have to do the surgeries if that’s too much time or you could fly in for them, but you’re the best and Bailey said that your cartilage is his best shot. I know, I know this is so much, too much to ask, but please, Callie, it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tim</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it’s my </span>
  <em>
    <span>brother</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she finally paused as she ran out of breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Seriously, Arizona?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Arizona winced, bracing herself for the excuses and the rejection and the ‘how could you seriously think I would ever want to help the woman who was so terrible to me’. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Are you nervous to ask me?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Callie, please, just, I can’t do this today.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You were,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Callie chuckled to herself and Arizona’s heart sank even further. This was amusing to Callie. Of course, it was. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Arizona, of course, I will come out and look at Tim’s hands. Hell, you’d have to pry that surgery out of my cold dead hands.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, I totally understa- wait, what? You’ll do the surgeries?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Arizona,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Callie said softly in that tone of voice that Arizona couldn’t help but associate with quiet mornings and warmth and a happiness that felt so incredibly foreign. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Did you think I would say no?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, of course not, I mean, it’s probably a once in a lifetime surgery and you’d want to use your cartilage.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You thought I’d say no to you. You’ve never been good at lying to me.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Now that was a loaded statement that Arizona certainly did not want to unpack while her nerves were already frayed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You really thought I would say no.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just, I didn’t know where we stood with the hating me and the custody battle and it’s a big ask. And you have a whole separate life in New York and you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span> and what I’m asking, you would be moving backwards and I don’t want to ruin anything for you.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Again</span>
  </em>
  <span>, her mind supplied helpfully. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Arizona,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>this time Callie said her name with that patented disappointed tone that worked wonders on Sofia and never failed to make Arizona feel absolutely miserable. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I never hated you. I don’t think I know how to,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Callie admitted quietly and goddamnit, Arizona needed to tamp down that tiny spark of hope in her chest. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You said that Sofia needed two happy moms and your brother, he makes you happy. And Arizona, you know, even if I did hate you,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Arizona cringed at even the thought of that reality, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I never would let some carpenter butcher your brother’s hands. He’s still family, even if you and I aren’t together.”</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona swallowed back a sob as she said, “Thank you, Calliope.” And then promptly kicked herself for slipping into old, bad habits. “Thank you,” she repeated, desperate to cover her slipup. “I can speak with Bailey and we can sort out plane tickets for you. Are, are you going to leave Sofia with Penny?” She managed to get the question out, even if it left a bad taste in her mouth. She would never admit it to Callie, but she hated the idea of leaving Sofia with Penny, that Sofia had spent more time in the past year with Penny than Arizona. She certainly wouldn’t tell anyone, not even Cate, about the nightmares she had weekly of Sofia calling Penny mommy and then turning and telling her she was nothing before morphing into the old nightmare of Mark and Callie holding Sofia and laughing at her. Arizona swallowed against her dry throat in an attempt to regain control. “Or her nanny or I don’t know. I know she doesn’t have school, but maybe-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sofia will come with me,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Callie said with some degree of finality that eased the tension in Arizona’s chest. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“My year’s up anyway and I’m sure you want her to meet Tim at some point.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, yes, thank you, Callie.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You don’t have to thank me, Arizona,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Arizona would bet any amount that Callie was pouting, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“After all, you have full custody.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Any warmth that Arizona had as their conversation progressed disappeared. There was no denying Callie’s bitterness and Arizona felt that familiar guilt creep up inside her. The custody battle and the ensuing fall out never failed to reopen old, but barely healed scars. Hell, she and Meredith had only just started speaking on friendlier terms these days and Meredith’s testimony had helped her more than Callie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona opened her mouth to say something, but another voice from Callie’s end cut her off, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You almost ready to go?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona squeezed her eyes shut. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, yeah. Arizona, if you send me the flight details, and I need another letter from you for Sofia, I can come out by tomorrow if that works.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, of course. I’ll see you then, Callie.” The line clicked off without a response from Callie. Arizona buried her face in her hands, just barely managing to stave off tears. She had done it, Callie was going to come save Tim’s hands and she could have Sofia with her and it was going to be okay. (So long as she didn’t think too long and hard about Tim’s leg) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Were you on the phone with Callie?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona’s head shot up to find Meredith, still in her scrub cap, leaning against the doorway, one eyebrow lifted. “Uh, yeah, she’s, she’s coming out to look at Tim’s hands and his leg. They’re in pretty bad shape.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meredith moved further in the room, slowly untying one of Derek’s old scrub caps and placing it in her locker. She dropped into one of the chairs opposite Arizona, her fingers deftly undoing her complex braids. Arizona fought the urge to fidget under Meredith’s gaze. The interns didn’t call her Medusa for nothing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> “Sometimes I have dreams,” Meredith began, “With Derek, he knocks at the door because he forgot his keys and apologizes for being gone so long. With Lexie,” Meredith paused, almost looking surprised at herself for mentioning her sister. Arizona can’t remember the last time anyone really talked about Lexie. She and Callie spoke about Mark with Sofia, but she certainly didn’t talk about Lexie. It always brought back vicious, visceral memories of the woods and that wasn’t the way that Lexie Grey should be remembered. “With Lexie, she sits down next to me in the cafeteria and asks me if she can scrub in because she read all about it. I’ve, I’ve never been able to figure out what surgery it is. I always wake up before I can find out. Once, Zola got into the attic one night and I woke up and I heard someone moving around up there and for a moment, I expected Lexie to come down from the attic and complain about Christmas ornaments.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona stared at Meredith for a long moment, unable to find words. She then dropped her gaze to her hands. “Callie talked about this dream she used to have of Mark, no idea if she still has it, but it always was in our old apartment and it started with someone banging on the door and then it would open and, and Mark would walk in and yell, ‘Torres, Robbins,’” Arizona said in her best approximation of Mark’s voice, “‘Rise and shine. I made breakfast.’ And then he’d come into our room with Sofia and do that, that stupid thing with his eyebrows, you know the one I’m talking about?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The Mark Sloan ‘I’m thinking very dirty thoughts’ one? Yeah, I’m familiar.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Exactly. And Callie said, she said she’d ask what’s for breakfast and then she’d wake up.” Arizona sighed heavily, suddenly full of nostalgia for the days when her biggest worry had been what dumb thing she’d argue about with Mark. “God, sorry, I shouldn’t have told you that. Don’t tell Callie.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wasn’t planning on it,” said Meredith, one eyebrow cocked up. “Riggs called them miracle dreams. Did you have one of your brother, Tim, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, Tim. God, I had so many over the years. Maybe the longer they’re gone the more you have. But I used to have this one, generally only after I was so drunk I’d pass out,” she admitted quietly, ignoring the shock on Meredith’s face. “I’d be sitting in my parents’ backyard, not really doing anything and the gate would open and he’d be standing there in his dress uniform and he’d say, ‘Hey loser, ya miss me?’ I used to wake up crying, God, for years, after that one. The worst ones though,” she started, almost unable to stop herself, “the worst ones were the ones of when he was little. One moment I’d be staring at my dorky, pimply teenaged brother and then I’d see him in that hanger.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meredith silently reached across the table and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. “I’m glad, I’m glad that your miracle happened. You know, you do deserve to be happy, Arizona.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You sound like my shrink.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I almost think I should be offended at that,” chuckled Meredith. “When is Callie coming? And more importantly, is she bringing Sofia?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tomorrow, most likely. I need to set it up with Bailey, but she said she could come tomorrow. And yes, Sofia’s coming.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You just made Zola’s month,” Meredith said with a fond smile. “Is Sofia already out of school? Zola’s still got a few weeks.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona nodded, “Yeah, fancy private school, you know?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, yeah, do you think you’ll send Sofia back to her old school for your year with her?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, I haven’t thought about it. I know that she’s been really thriving in a smaller class. Sometimes she’s so much like Callie, you know, quiet and caring. I just worry sometimes that she can get lost with too many kids. She’s smart, I mean, look at Mark and Callie, not exactly idiots.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you,” Meredith reminded, a twinkle in her eye. In that moment, Arizona didn’t think she could be more fond of Meredith Grey. “Have you looked at private schools here? Derek and I discussed it for the kids, but we thought it’d be good for them to go to a normal school first. It’s not like it really matters at their age. But Zola’s so excited about science and Maggie takes her to the science museum all the time, but I think that a private school might be better equipped to handle her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t gotten around to it, to be honest. That’s a good idea though. Sofia had a science fair this year and she was trying to convince me that my leg counted as a project.” Both women laughed at that. “We should compare school lists though. I doubt Sofia would be content without Zola.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I get more texts from Sofia on my phone than almost anyone else. I’m about ready to give Zola one of my old ones just so I don’t get so many puppy photos through the day.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, that’s part of Sofia’s quest to get a puppy. I guess Callie or maybe Penny, it was honestly unclear, told her she couldn’t have a puppy in the apartment, so she’s figured that I have a yard so I can have a puppy. But Andrew’s allergic, so she decided that Zola can have a puppy and she can play with it whenever.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh, that’s kind of genius. Is Andrew actually allergic?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No clue,” Arizona replied with a wink. Her pager beeped in her pocket, indicating that Tim was finished with his testing for now. “Sorry, I’ve got to go. We’ll have to set up a playdate with the girls as soon as Sofia’s here.” As if on cue, Meredith’s phone started ringing. She held it up for Arizona to see it was Callie calling, an old picture of Callie and Cristina her contact photo. “I’ll let you get that. See you later, Grey.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Buoyed by her conversation with Meredith and Callie and Sofia’s imminent arrival, Arizona hurried back to her brother’s room, nearly colliding with her father as she rounded a corner. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Easy there, Arizona,” he laughed, steadying her carefully. He looked younger, lighter than she had seen in years, the lines that had carved into his face after Tim’s death fading slightly as he smiled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona!” Her mother called as she joined them, a tray of coffees in hand. She too looked younger, her face and smile brighter than ever before. “Did you, did you speak with Callie? Is she willing to help Timmy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona smiled, mirroring her parents’ happiness. “Yes, she’ll be here tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And tell me, is she bringing my most favorite grandchild?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s your only grandchild, Dad, but yes, Sofia is coming back to Seattle.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, good,” her father clapped his hands together noisily. “Honestly, Arizona, I’ve never understood how you could allow your child to move across the country without you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona’s mood soured at his words. “I didn’t make the decision lightly.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You never do, sweetheart, but there’s a difference between honour and martyrdom and Callie was the one who ended your marriage and the one who wanted to move.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dad,” she sighed, tired of this argument with her father, “It wasn’t Callie’s fault. I was-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The one who broke things, yes, yes, I know. I just can’t fathom sending Sofia away for a year-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because you were so present in my childhood,” she bit out, instantly regretting her words as pain crossed over her father’s face. But her point still stood. She adored her father and thought the world of him. But it didn’t make up for the fact that he missed endless soccer games and conferences and all those little important moments that a girl really wants her dad for. Hell, Arizona and her mom had to teach Tim how to throw a football when he desperately wanted to try out for the school team and her dad was on deployment. Arizona still had a scar on her elbow from when Tim had declared he needed to practice tackling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother stood nervously between the two of them, glancing back and forth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona Robbins, you do not take that tone with me.” For an instant, Arizona was back in her parents’ kitchen, on the brink of tears as her father scolded her for coming back from her senior prom absolutely plastered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Daniel,” her mother began, pleading with both of them to control themselves. Any further intervention was delayed by Teddy and Owen’s arrival, a strange tension between them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona shot Teddy a questioning look, but the other woman just waved it away. The other two surgeons came to a stop outside of Tim’s room, joining the Robbins. Teddy’s brow furrowed as she glanced between Arizona and her father, but did not comment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mom, Dad, this is Dr Owen Hunt, Head of Trauma here at Grey Sloan, and Major Teddy Altman, who flew with Tim from Germany. Owen, Teddy, my mom, Barbara, and my dad, Colonel Robbins.” She gestured between the four as she made introductions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Colonel, Mrs Robbins,” Owen nodded politely to each, his military training evident as he eyed her father. “Your son is in good hands. Arizona, I just spoke with Cal-er, Dr Torres and Bailey is working on flight arrangements now. I also spoke with her about what her thoughts were regarding Captain Robbins’ surgeries. I assume you’ve already discussed it with her?” She nodded quickly. “Right, well, I’ve just sent on his updated x-rays and Teddy is waiting for some further tests to come back, but if you’d all like, we can discuss all of this with Captain Robbins.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If it’s all right with you, I’m going to leave you in Dr Hunt’s capable hands while I catch some sleep. Those transport planes aren’t great for sleep if you haven’t been sedated,” Teddy interjected, nodding her head towards a nearby on-call room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Major Altman, and please, let me thank you again for all your help with Tim,” her father said as he offered a handshake. “Dr Hunt, after you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona paused before following her parents and Owen into her brother’s room, Teddy catching her elbow. “Are you okay? Was everything good with Callie?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Arizona sighed, “Yeah, it was fine. You should go catch some sleep. We can catch up later.” Teddy’s eyebrows pinched together, but she nodded nonetheless. “Thank you, Teddy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anytime, anytime.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona slipped into the room, surprised to see everyone waiting for her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for joining us, loser,” called Tim from his bed, his earlier mood seemingly gone. She rolled her eyes but smiled at her little brother. “Alright, so, Dr Hunt, what do you need to do to fix me up?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, Captain, an orthopedic specialist is flying in from New York, primarily for your hands. She’s worked with artificial cartilage-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She </span>
  <em>
    <span>invented</span>
  </em>
  <span> artificial cartilage,” Arizona corrected in defence of Callie’s many, many hours holed up in her lab hunched over her work. Her cheeks flushed as everyone turned to look at her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, sorry, she invented artificial cartilage,” Owen amended, “and she has experience working with veterans and, and prosthetics,” he cast a furtive glance towards Arizona, who deliberately did not meet his gaze, “she really is the best there is.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow, fancy. You paying for all this, Zoie? I’ve been out of work for a few years.” Tim chuckled darkly. Their mother frowned at him, although did not say anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona paused, unsure of how to describe her relationship with Callie. “No, I mean, yes, but Dr Torres is coming as a favour for me. She’s, uh, she’s a friend.” she finally said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim waggled his eyebrows at her in that infuriating way that generally got him a punch to the shoulder. “A </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend</span>
  </em>
  <span>, huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona bit at her cheek, ignoring that frequent pang of loss that never quite seemed to leave her chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim, leave your sister alone,” her father said shortly, his tone bridging no argument. Tim just nodded good-naturedly. “Dr Hunt, please continue.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, as I was saying. Dr Torres will be working alongside with a team here on your hands. She’s hopeful that you’ll regain some functionality, but, and I’m sure Dr Torres will expand more on this, it is unlikely you will ever have one-hundred percent use of your hands again. I wish I had better news.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim’s face had lost some of its colour. “What does that mean? Like I won’t have hands?” He glanced nervously between his parents, his sister and the doctor. “Arizona?” He choked out, his voice cracking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cal-Dr Torres can give you a more detailed picture, and she’s great at what she does, but there’s a chance that you might have tremors or problems with your grip. It will all depend on what Dr Torres can do and how you respond to physical therapy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Guess there goes my football career, huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You never were any good anyway, Timmy. I could always throw a better spiral than you,” she teased, trying desperately to bring a smile back to her brother. “Callie, she’s, she’s miraculous. If anyone can fix your hands, it’s her.” Tim narrowed his eyes at her and just as he always had, he knew something was up with her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Major Altman will go over your records with our Head of Cardio, and they will determine the extent of the damage and how that will affect your ability to undergo intensive surgeries.” Owen cast a furtive glance towards her parents before saying, “It appears that the damage was caused by electro-shock applied repeatedly.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds about right. Can’t say I recommend playing with cattle prods,” he said with a lopsided grin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona gasped, her heart aching for the pain her brother had endured. Her mother let out a small cry while her father just quietly said, “Tim.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Owen consulted his notes for a moment, giving them all a bit of time to process. “Once they know more, Dr Pierce, our Head of Cardio, will stop by to explain what they’ve found. We’ll continue to replenish your nutrients via IV for now and slowly reintroduce food. I’m afraid that you’ll be on a relatively bland diet for the foreseeable future. From what I can see, you are severely lacking in most vitamins, proteins and electrolytes. You do have some degree of muscle breakdown, but I’d expect that once you are out of the woods, you will be able to gain it back. I’ll have a nutritional specialist stop by and speak with you about your treatment plan.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So no brownies?” Tim pouted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Owen chuckled, shaking his head. “Not for a little while, no.” Owen shuffled his papers around for a moment. “Dr Shepherd will be by shortly to discuss any neurological problems, but at the moment, there was nothing of any concern at the moment. Um, let me see what else, what else…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My leg,” cut in Tim, his voice hard, “You haven’t talked about my leg. Is this superstar doctor going to fix that too?” Owen lifted his head, desperately searching out Arizona. Clearly, Callie had told him as well what her diagnosis of Tim’s leg was. She almost felt bad for Owen, having to have similar conversations twice with her and her brother. “Something’s wrong with it. Something’s been wrong with it for a while. Arizona, please.” He sounded so sad and small. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dr Robbins, if you’d rather leave-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim,” began Arizona, moving to sit on Tim’s bed and touch his good leg, “your leg, the damage is really extreme. Callie, she said that…” Arizona trailed off, nearly lost for words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, Zoie, don’t bullshit me. Am I gonna walk with a limp for the rest of my life? Am I gonna be all gimpy?” He asked, trying to inject levity into the conversation. But Arizona flinched at his words. “Arizona.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Callie said that your best course of action for mobility and function is an above the knee amputation.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The words hung in the air for what might have been hours. No one breathed. No one moved. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Until Tim said, “No.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Arizona, no. I don’t care.” Arizona tipped her chin up as if that would stop the tears about to fall. “You are not chopping off my leg. Arizona, please.” She absently heard Owen excuse himself and her mother’s quiet crying. “Zozo, you have to promise me.” She shook her head, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. His good leg jerked under her hand. “Zozo, promise me you won’t let them take my leg.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim, I-I-I can’t,” she stammered, feeling as if she was free-falling through her own memories. “I can’t promise that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goddamnit Arizona!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim, you need to calm down,” their father cut in, “Tim, stop it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona, I swear to God,” Tim hissed and when she looked at him, that wasn’t her little brother. It was like staring at a stranger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She inhaled sharply, some part of her mind trying to recall Cate’s breathing exercises. “Tim, your leg is essentially useless at this point. There isn’t anything anyone can do.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not even </span>
  <em>
    <span>Callie</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” He sneered, trying to evoke a response from his sister and succeeding. She flinched at the way he said her name, the poison behind his words. “Yeah, not just a friend, huh? What, did she dump you or something?” Arizona covered her mouth with her hand before she said something she regretted. She knew, intellectually, that her brother was lashing out. She knew that she had behaved like this, worse even. But she couldn’t reconcile the man before her with her sweet little brother. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Timothy, that is enough,” her mother snapped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Tim grumbled, his eyes downcast. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona waved off his apology even as Tim’s words echoed in her chest. He wasn’t wrong, by any means, but they still cut deep. “Tim, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but you won’t be able to walk, run, move with that leg. You will sit in a wheelchair for the rest of your life, staring at nothing, doing nothing. Sure, you’ll have two legs, but you’ll be stuck. Is that really what you want out of your life? Really, Tim? I thought you were stronger than that, but I guess I was wrong.” She and Tim glared at each other, neither backing down, until she stood to her feet, mindful of her weight distribution. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was nearly to the door when Tim spoke up, “You don’t understand, Arizona. You can’t understand what I’ve been through, you can’t understand what you’re asking of me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She turned back to face him, catching the blatant grief in her father’s eyes over their argument. She shook her head sadly. “No, Tim, I’ll never understand what you’ve been through, what you’ve survived, but I do understand what I’m asking of you.” He opened his mouth to protest, but before he could, Arizona rolled up her trouser leg, revealing her prosthetic. Tim’s mouth fell open in shock. She just managed to smile sadly at him, tears still pricking the corners of her eyes. “I’ll give you some time to think. You can have a nurse page me if you want to talk.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chin up, she walked out of the room, ignoring the weight of her family’s eyes on her back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She absently spun a cigarette between her fingers as she leant against a wall in a tucked-away corner of the ER bay. She had been debating lighting it for going on thirty minutes now. April had merely lifted an eyebrow as Arizona passed her in the ER, keeping her thoughts to herself. She started to lift it to her lips before dropping it again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t suppose you’ve got one of those for your old man.” Arizona blinked twice before her father came into focus before her, his hands shoved in his pockets. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um, I don’t, um…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her dad joined her against the wall, plucking the pack out of her hand. “I also don’t smoke.” He flicked open an old metal lighter with the Marines logo carved into it. Taking a few inhales, he offered the lighter to Arizona. She ran her fingers over the grooves, the details of her father’s unit in Vietnam. “Your mother’s sitting with Tim now. He’s getting some sort of head examination.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” She jammed the cigarette between her lips and lit it, relishing in the way the nicotine settled in her chest. “How is he?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Confused, I think. Guilty. You two were always so good at getting under each other’s skin. Always picking and poking at the right spots.” Arizona hummed in acknowledgement. “But you always looked out for each other, kept each other safe. I’ll never forget it, you must have been what, 9, 10. We had just moved down to Hawaii and you were so angry at me because you had to leave your soccer team in the middle of a season. I had to bribe you with doughnuts to even unpack your room. I don’t even know what you two were up to, but you and Tim went off to play and then you came limping back with a busted lip, a black eye and bruised knuckles. Your mother was incandescent. And Tim kept crying.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He just kept crying and crying. I thought he wouldn’t ever stop. I seriously thought I broke him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her father bumped his shoulder against hers. “I sat the pair of you down on the back step. You had a pack of frozen corn on your face and those braids with the butterfly ties. But you kept your arm around Tim. The pair of you just stared up at me and refused to talk. Finally, Tim said, ‘Zoie wasn’t fighting anybody. I was fighting. I punched those boys.’ And you’re just sitting there with bruised knuckles while Tim doesn’t have a mark on him. So I grounded Tim and sent him to his room and I think it was an hour at most before you stood in front of me and told me all about how some boys wouldn’t let Tim play and started pushing him around so you punched the biggest one. When I asked you why you did it,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said that Tim’s my brother and he was my responsibility. Look, Dad, that’s a cute story, but there isn’t anyone I can punch to make Tim feel better here. He’s going through something terrible and I get that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her father flicked the ash off his cigarette. “You’re missing my point, soldier. You have always been Tim’s hero. You have always wanted to protect him, save him. You can’t let him push you away now. He needs you more than ever. When he started walking, he walked towards you. Zozo, we’re all he has. Casey moved on. Nick’s dead,” Arizona winced, Nick’s death still a sore spot, “He needs you. Don’t let him push you away. You two should talk. You can tell him about your life, about Sofia.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“About how I ruined my marriage so much so my ex fled thousands of miles away?” She scoffed, leaning her head back against the wall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s true.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It takes two to make a marriage and two to break one. No one expects planes to fall out of the sky. What you went through, it’s amazing you made it out in one piece.” Arizona whipped her head towards her father, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In one piece?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Poor choice of words. But my point is still valid, soldier. Talk to Tim. He was always good at getting through to you. Now, where can a man get some food around here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona checked through the window to ensure her parents were gone and Tim was awake before she entered the room. Her parents were still back at her house, her mother apparently re-cleaning Sofia’s room and her father taking advantage of her excellent cable package. They had wanted to come back to the hospital with her in the morning, but she had pointed out that Tim would be in and out until Callie arrived in the afternoon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You just gonna hang out in the door all day, loser?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nah, figured someone should sit with you, dork.” She crossed the room, taking the chair on Tim’s left side. “How are you feeling?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shrugged one shoulder, a shadow of pain passing over his face. “Been better. Been worse.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona choked out a laugh, shaking her head. “God, Tim, this, this still feels like a dream. Like I’m going to wake up and you’re going to be gone again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“‘m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you, Zoie.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pinky promise?” She asked, offering her pinky as she had done since they were small. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pinky promise, though you’re gonna have to do most of the work here. Since you know, my hands don’t work,” he laughed, his fingertips twitching slightly. Then his face fell. “I’m sorry about yesterday... I didn’t know.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona squeezed his calf, trying to reassure him. “How could you? It’s fine, it’s forgotten. You didn’t mean it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His brow pinched together, the scar over his left eye moving dramatically. “I just keep, I keep getting angry and it’s like a fire that I can’t get back under control.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I get it. You should see a therapist.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely not, Arizona. I’m not crazy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, probably not. It’s probably PTSD related.” Tim squirmed under her gaze. “Tim, trust me, you need to deal with this.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” he huffed, “I’ll think about it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled brightly at him. “That’s a good start, Timmy.” She pulled his chart towards her, flipping idly through it. “I have a daughter,” she suddenly blurted out, wincing slightly at the randomness of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Tim seemed thrilled if the smile beneath his beard was anything to go by. “What’s her name? Can I see a picture? How old is she? Does she have my dashing good looks?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona’s smile widened as her brother nodded towards her phone eagerly. She found a picture April had taken of her and Sofia at the park at Christmas, both bundled up for the wet Seattle winter. She held it out for Tim, his eyes going a bit misty. “This is Sofia. She, uh, she turned seven a few weeks ago. She’s amazing.” She searched through her phone for a few other pictures. Sofia’s first day of kindergarten, Sofia in a Marine ballcap their dad had given her, Sofia in Santa’s lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s absolutely adorable, Zoie. Not to be rude, or anything, but she doesn’t exactly look like you, is she adopted?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She looks like her other mother,” answered Arizona, biting her tongue slightly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you’re married!” Tim brightened up again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona shook her head, unable to maintain her gaze. “Divorced. Well, we were never legally married, but I guess divorce is the best way to describe it.” She rubbed at the spot where her rings used to sit. “It happened a few years ago.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Zoie. That sucks.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, it does, Tim. It really, really does.” She brushed back a few tears from her cheekbone. Really, she should be over this by now. But Tim’s reappearance and all of this with Callie again clearly reopened a lot for her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d hug you if I could,” said Tim, cocking his head towards her. “So do you think I can meet your kid? Does she know about her really awesome Uncle Tim?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, she does, dork. Mom gave me your old stocking and we always put it up at Christmas and I’ve got pictures up at my house. Trust me, she knows who you are. Although, not sure if she’ll recognize you through that crazy beard.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be shocked to find out that razors were a bit hard to come by in my accommodations. But I kind of like it. Make me look like a rugged mountain man, surviving out in the wilderness with my bare hands.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure, Tim, whatever you say,” she agreed absently, glancing at a text from Callie, but not bothering to open it. It was just her updating Arizona on their flight most likely. Arizona </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated </span>
  </em>
  <span>anyone she lov-no, cared about flying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can, can I ask, what happened, ya know, to your leg?” Arizona shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Most people didn’t come out and ask ‘hey, where’s your other leg?’, but then again Tim wasn’t most people. “Car crash?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, no, but I did get this from a car crash,” she leaned in, gesturing to the thin scar from Karev’s work in the gallery. “I’ll tell you about it another time.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, what did you get cancer or something?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are we playing twenty questions? ‘Cause you are gonna lose, Tim,” she teased, keeping her tone as light as you could when discussing amputations and plane crashes with your traumatized POW brother. “But, no, I didn’t get cancer.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you’re so going down, loser. Hm, okay, so not a car crash, not cancer, some weird disease?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Skiing accident.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how to ski, Tim.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could’ve learned! And been really bad at it!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Boating accident.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That would’ve been almost ironic for the daughter of a Marine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A shark.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think there are sharks in Seattle.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can travel, Zoie, you lived in Baltimore last I knew.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough, but no, not sharks.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sinkhole.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We did have one of those a few years ago. Huh, and there was a lady who’s husband had to cut off her leg.” Arizona had yelled at Callie for a solid twenty minutes after Owen dropped that Callie nearly went down in the sinkhole. Now, of course, she saw the great irony in Callie talking a husband through cutting off his wife’s leg. At least, Alex had done a good job, she supposed. “But I was here when it happened.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Explosion. I heard some of the nurses saying there was fire damage in the hospital from a bomb or something. Which, for the record, Arizona, what the actual fuck?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah, I kinda forgot about that. Busy few days with you rising from the dead. But no, no explosions. And I wasn’t even in the hospital when that happened, for the record.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, Arizona Elizabeth Robbins, did you get shot? ‘Cause I knew a guy who got shot in the leg and they had to cut it off.” Her face must have given something away because Tim was relentless. “Oh my god, Arizona! You got shot! You’re a doctor! How do you get shot?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim, stop yelling, we don’t yell about doctors getting shot here. I didn’t get shot. Almost, maybe, but no.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will not stop yelling, Arizona, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost </span>
  </em>
  <span>got shot.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, and if you ever want to have children, you will not breathe a word about that to Mom or Dad. They think I never saw the gunman and it’s gonna stay that way, okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We are so not done talking about that, Zoie, for the record. Because, and I reiterate, what the </span>
  <em>
    <span>actual </span>
  </em>
  <span>fuck. Okay, I give up. So tell me, what happened?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Plane crash.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re joking.” Tim’s mouth hung open. “Christ, you were in a plane crash. And you survived? That’s...what the fuck, Zoie?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona shrugged a shoulder. “It happened a few years ago. There were six of us on a small plane for a surgery. I, I wasn’t supposed to even be there, but last minute,” Arizona had forgiven Alex long ago, but she never quite forgave herself for wishing Alex had been there instead of her. “Anyway, I had a bad break, like bone exposed bad break and it got infected.” Arizona squeezed her eyes shut, pushing back the memories that threatened to overwhelm her. “By, by the time we were found, there wasn’t anything they could do. I fought them, I made her promise not to. But I started to die. I only remember flashes of it, but I was dying and you weren’t there. I was so mad that I was dying and I couldn’t see you. I figured if I died, at least I could see you again,” she admitted, brushing a hand over Tim’s hair. “But you weren’t dead, were you? So I’m glad I didn’t die.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“‘m glad you didn’t die either, Zoie,” Tim mumbled. Arizona lunged forward, pulling her brother into a tight hug. “Is it hard?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hardest thing I’ve done in my life. And I taught you how to bike,” she whispered into his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a few minutes, they separated, both sporting red-rimmed eyes and wet faces. “Wait, did your wife leave you because you’ve only got one leg? ‘Cause if so, soon as I’m walking, I’ll kick her ass. You never let me kick Joanne’s ass, so I got this one.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, Timothy Robbins, you won’t kick anyone’s ass. It, it wasn’t her fault. The leg was part of it. But it wasn’t her fault. I was, I was a monster afterwards. I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>angry at everyone, at her, at myself. Even you, I was so mad that you were gone. And I couldn’t, I wouldn’t do anything and I was grieving, but I didn’t know what to do. And she never flinched, she just tried to make me better. But I, I did unforgivable things.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Zo, you don’t have to, I don’t need to know if you don’t want me to. It’s fine. You don’t need to explain the intricacies of your divorce to your brother.” He nudged her hand with his good knee. “Tell me about her, the good parts. I could use something happy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona hummed in response. Where to even start…. “I kissed her in a dirty bar bathroom the first time I talked to her. Mark, Mark never let me forget that. She was sad and I wanted to see her smile, so I kissed her. Her smile, well, it’s magic. She said my smile could light up a room, but hers, God, hers could light up the world. I haven’t seen her smile in so long, not the one for me at least. She is an amazing surgeon, she cares like crazy about her patients, more than anyone I’ve ever met. And she, I don’t even know, she loves Sofia so, so much. That little girl is her entire world. She’s my entire world too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She sounds pretty special. Kinda also sounds like you still love her…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I know how not to at this point. She’s, she’s miraculous and she’s happy now, which is what’s important. I’ve tried for years now not to be painfully, wholly in love with her and I’ve had moments, moments where it almost seems like I can move on and finally be happy again, and she pulls me right back in. God, Tim, it’s pathetic honestly.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s her name? I don’t think you ever said.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s-” Arizona twisted over her shoulder as she saw Tim’s eyes shift. “Callie. You’re here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Framed in the doorway, an unreadable expression on her face, was Callie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona sent a prayer to whoever was listening that Callie hadn’t heard anything she just said to Tim. She wasn’t sure she could live through the embarrassment. It was pathetic, wasn’t it? One-legged woman pines after ex-wife who lives across the country with a serious girlfriend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, they said you would be here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona’s brain finally fully caught up with what was happening in front of her. “Sorry, sorry. Tim, this is Dr Cal-Callie Torres and Callie, this is my brother, Captain Tim Robbins.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim straightened up as much as he could in a hospital bed. He flashed a charming smile Callie’s direction. “Pleasure to meet you, ma’am. I’d shake your hand, but I’m afraid they don’t work at the moment. But I hear you can fix them.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie let out a laugh and Arizona’s heart sped up. It had been almost a year since she had seen Callie in person. She carried herself with confidence again, her clothes impeccable, even just off a plane. She looked good, even if part of Arizona wished she looked like Arizona felt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, call me Callie, none of that ma’am stuff. Makes me think of my mother.” Callie’s dark eyes met Arizona, both remembering the last time they had seen Lucia Torres. Callie was the first to look away, focusing back on Tim. “I just wanted to introduce myself and see how you’re doing. Uh, Arizona, if you have a minute,” she nodded towards the hall. A suspicious feeling settled in Arizona’s stomach, not unlike getting called to the principal’s office. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing, Callie.” She forced a smile. Callie had heard her and now was going to scold her for being entirely inappropriate and not having her shit together. “Be there in a second.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie stepped out into the hallway, leaving the Robbins siblings alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dude, you should totally ask her out,” Tim hissed, his eyes bright and mischievous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona shut her eyes, shaking her head quickly. “Oh, Timmy, I definitely won’t be doing that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you won’t, then I will.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona glanced over her shoulder to see Callie chatting with a nurse just beyond the window. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you won’t, because Callie, Callie’s my ex-wife.”    </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for all the love last chapter! this is also cross-posted on ffn</p><p>much love xx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“She’s your ex-wife? Dude, she’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>hot</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Arizona nearly smacked him before remembering that he was gravely injured. “Wait, so your hot ex-wife who you’re-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, Tim. We can talk later. Do not mention a word of what we just talked about to anyone. Not the nurses, not any other doctors, and certainly not Mom and Dad. It’ll just get Mom’s hopes up and it’ll make Dad pissy. Hopefully, she didn’t hear anything. Fuck,” she hissed, tugging a hand through her hand. “God, I hope she didn’t hear that. She’s moved on, it’s fine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim shook his head, a fond, yet exasperated look in his eyes. “Fine, fine, but we’re talking about this later. You better go out there, she’s looking in here and you look a touch unhinged, Zozo.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona pursed her lips, almost smacking him again. She ought to keep a tally for when he was better. She slowly stood to her feet, grimacing when her back cracked. “Call me Zozo in here again and I will make sure you only get the meanest nurses in the entire hospital,” she threatened with a smile. “You should get some rest. Mom and Dad will be by soon.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was halfway out of the room when Tim yelled after her, “You got scarier with age, Zozo!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a scowl, she found Callie, leaning against the nurses’ station, an amused glint in her eyes. “Zozo?” she teased, one eyebrow lifting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona sort of hated when Callie did that, just act casually like they were friends and everything was totally fine. She knew she did it too; old habits were hard to break. But it was worse these days when Callie was so far out of reach. For some reason, it made her think of her senior year of high school when she had been basically in love (although she didn’t realize it at the time) with her best friend and she pined after her, even when Shannon had a serious boyfriend that she went on to marry. That was what Callie did to her. She turned her back to her seventeen-year-old self, desperate for the girl she liked to notice her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t. Forget you ever heard that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why? It’s cute.” Callie seemed to catch herself that time, a flash of regret passing through her eyes. “Sorry, right, um….” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did you want to speak with me about?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sofia.” Right, the only thing they spoke about anymore. Arizona despised it. How could someone go from being the centre of your world to a barely-there acquaintance that couldn’t say more than ten words to you? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona glanced around in confusion, almost expecting her daughter to appear from behind someone. “Oh, did you bring her here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, no, I dropped her at yours. I didn’t think you’d be here. Bailey said you weren’t working.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not. Not until the day after next, then I have some surgeries that can’t be put off any longer.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gotcha. Anyway, I dropped Sofia with your parents. Your dad hates me, by the way.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona grimaced, looking anywhere but at Callie. “To be fair, your dad hates me too I think.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eh, no, he doesn’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona stared at Callie, eyes wide. “Your dad, who threw O’Malley and Mark into a wall? Somehow I can’t imagine that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nah, he thinks you’re great. It’s...whatever. He says hi, by the way.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona nodded, rocking on her heels a bit, honestly baffled over this conversation. “Uh, I guess hi back?” Arizona found herself seriously missing her scrubs and coat, which lent endless ways to occupy her nervous hands. “Well, thanks for dropping Sofia off. Are you staying at Meredith’s or…?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m staying at the Archfield for the time being. I love Meredith, but there are way too many people in that house these days.” Callie shrugged, running a hand through her hair casually. Arizona’s thought immediately went to Penny and how Callie might not want to have Penny staying at Meredith’s house with everyone else. Assuming that Callie would be out here for a while, which naturally her lovely, most precious girlfriend would join her. “Are you fine with Sofia staying with you? No point in Sofia staying in a hotel.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona’s jaw clenched at Callie’s tone and implication. More than anything in the world, Arizona wanted Sofia with her. How could Callie even imply that? Did she really not understand what Arizona had sacrificed for her happiness? Yes, Callie. I’m sure I can deal with the great burden of my only child staying with me.” Callie’s mouth twisted and she looked as if she had some thoughts of her own about that. Thankfully, Callie didn’t rise to the bait. As soon as she spoke, guilt tugged at her. “I’m sorry. It’s just been, it’s been a long couple of days. I haven’t...whatever. It’s just been a tough few days.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I get it. It’s been,” Callie paused as if weighing her words, “yeah, tough few days is a good description.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona wanted to ask why Callie had been in such a foul mood, but before she could a nurse looked up from the phone, calling her name. “Dr Robbins, Dr Karev is asking that you come down to the Pit as soon as possible.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you ask why?” Not that Arizona would say no, but she didn’t want to leave Tim if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The nurse nodded, asking the person on the other side. “He says he has a 15-year-old girl who’s 24 weeks and was in some sort of accident.” She winced as someone was clearly yelling over the phone. “She has two broken arms, a broken collarbone, severe damage to her pelvis and serious internal injuries.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be right down. Tell Karev to just keep her stable.” She darted off to Tim’s room. “I’m so sorry, I’ve just been pulled into a surgery, I don’t know how long it’ll be, but I’ll let Mom and Dad know to come see you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go, go, save some lives, loser,” Tim laughed, kicking towards her with his good leg, basically the only limb that was useable at this point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Take a nap or something, dork,” she called back, even as she took off towards the ER. She was halfway to the ER when she realised Callie was following her. “Callie, what’re you doing?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pregnant girl with lots of broken bones. You’ll need an actually competent ortho surgeon. Vincent’s fine for setting breaks and doing standard procedures, but this girl needs more.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rolling her eyes, but accepting it anyway, Arizona continued on, although she did mutter under her breath that they wouldn’t have a terrible ortho guy if Callie hadn’t left. She grabbed a trauma gown, pulling it on over her street clothes quickly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Over here, Robbins.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’ve we got, Karev?” She asked, surveying the scene before her. Residents and April were trying to keep the girl stable. The poor girl kept twisting and moaning, half-formed words falling from her lips. “Pull up the ultrasound,” she barked at an intern, who quickly fumbled for a machine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex leaned in closer to speak quietly. “Sorry, I wouldn’t have called if I didn’t think it was important. 15-year-old girl tossed out of a car out front. From what we can tell, it was either her stepfather or her boyfriend who did this. I think she may have been thrown down the stairs and then kicked or hit with something.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The image from the ultrasound finally pulled up. Arizona stepped away from Alex to examine it. “Okay, everyone quiet.” Silence fell across the room. After a few moments, Arizona found the heartbeat, surprisingly strong given the circumstances. “Okay, we need to get her to an OR now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And can somebody find ortho? We paged them ages ago!” Alex yelled, shooing away a resident to track them down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona glanced up from her position over the girl’s belly. “Oh, I brought ortho.” As if on cue, Callie sauntered in, snapping on a pair of gloves. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Torres?” April called from the other side of the room where she was stabilizing the girl’s head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex merely glared in Callie’s direction but stood aside to allow her to examine the girl. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona, do you need me in there?” April asked, breaking the tense silence that had fallen over the room. “‘Cause we’re kind of slammed out there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, go, we’ve got this, April.” She waved her off and the redhead ran back out into the ER. “Okay, people, we need to get moving if we don’t want this baby coming out today. Get her prepped and in the OR. I will join you as soon as I’m scrubbed. Dr Torres, grab a resident and let’s go.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, who’s the most hardcore of you lot?” She heard Callie ask as she left the room, Alex trailing after her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So Torres is back.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you’re fine with that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Considering she’s here to help my brother, I kind of have to be.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh.” Alex hung back by the door to let her change in privacy. There were some lines between them that they were both happy to keep intact. “So is she back for good, or just for a consult?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’ll need to do the surgeries on his hands probably.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“His hands are messed up? Dude, that sucks.” Arizona stifled a laugh, pulling on a pair of scrub trousers. “But he’ll be okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Never 100 per cent, but Callie thinks she can help him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you’re cool with her just being around here? Being around your family?” She grabbed her scrub cap and moved out to where Alex was waiting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Super cool, Alex. The coolest,” she quipped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex scowled at her, falling into step as they headed towards the OR. “D’you want me to beat her up for you? Y’know, since your brother probably can’t for the time being?” Part of her was incredibly touched by his offer, the rest of her was horrified. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She slapped his arm. “Absolutely not, Alex. That’s not even funny after everything.” They stepped into the elevator. “Honestly,” she huffed, shaking her head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was kinda funny,” he chuckled. “Are you two like civil or whatever? Or is this surgery gonna suck? ‘Cause that girl has already had a rough time of it and needs you two on your game.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, we’re civil or whatever.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s good,” Alex said, opening the door to the scrub room. “That’s good.” As they stood side by side scrubbing in, watching their patient get prepped, Alex asked, “So other than his hands, is your brother okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She grimaced. “His body’s been through hell. Hunt said he’ll need to work with a nutritionist and everything to recover. He got cleared by Amelia, but he’s had a fair number of concussions, even before all this.” She scrubbed almost too hard at her hands as she thought of how damaged her brother’s body had looked. “He’s probably got a bad case of PTSD, but who wouldn’t? Oh, and get this, you’ll love this. He needs an above the knee amputation on his right leg.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit, I’m sorry,” Alex practically mumbled, staring intently at his hands. “That sucks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stepped back from the sink, carefully holding her hands up. “Don’t suppose you’d want to do it? Two for two on the Robbins kids?” She backed out of the scrub room as Alex stared after her, eyes and mouth wide in disbelief. Arizona turned her focus to the patient, who looked far more at peace with the sedation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex burst into the OR moments later. “Wait, so are we like joking about that now?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess we are. Why have you got some good jokes you’ve been saving up?” She asked as she checked the fetal monitors again. She motioned for one of the slightly more promising residents to sit in front of the heart rate monitor and watch for decels. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex was still chuckling as a nurse gowned and gloved him. “Yeah, a few, but I didn’t think I had a leg to stand on,” he said as he took up his spot at the table, Arizona standing across from him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Karev!” Callie barked as she entered the OR, clearly only hearing the last part of the conversation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I help you, Dr Torres?” He asked, mockingly drawing out her name. “Okay, let’s get started. Scalpel.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona was almost touched by Callie’s instinctive protectiveness before she forced herself to remember that it wasn’t Callie’s place to be protective. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No need to yell at Karev, Torres. It was a good joke,” she commented drily as she and Alex began to sort through what needed to be done. “At least you didn’t go for a pirate joke,” she said, winking at Alex. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nah, too easy, boss. I’ll save those for Halloween,” he replied before asking his residents a question about what they were looking at. Arizona listened with one ear, focusing instead on the triage. Alex was a good teacher. He had come so far from making his residents quiz him for his boards. Sure, he still had that ever-charming scowl and grumpiness, but she had managed to make him into an exemplary surgeon, a dedicated teacher and a good man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A tense silence fell over the OR as the three of them worked, only occasionally speaking to ask for a tool or commenting on a problem. Arizona assisted Alex as they tried to stitch up as many of her internal injuries as possible, while still keeping an eye on the baby, who seemed to be a fighter. Callie, meanwhile, was muttering to herself and the resident she had grabbed, working diligently at the girl’s pelvis. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona spared a glance up to the gallery, unsurprised to find it packed. It was only when she noticed Teddy up there that she remembered that she needed to call her parents. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Mary Jo, do you mind calling my mother and putting it on speakerphone?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Dr Robbins.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sound of her phone ringing filled the otherwise quiet OR, Alex saying, “We’re talking to Mama Robbins?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, she’ll be thrilled-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Arizona?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Her mother’s voice echoed in the OR.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Mom, I was just calling to check-in.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“We’ve just walked into the hospital, are you with Tim? Or in your office? Because there’s someone here who’d love to see you.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I got pulled into an emergency surgery-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Arizona, you are supposed to not work for the next few days. Honestly,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> her mother huffed and then in a less discreet voice than she probably intended added, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Daniel, clearly she is your daughter, isn’t she?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Alex sniggered across the table as he worked on repairing her spleen. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Who was that?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just me, Mrs Robbins,” Alex called, motioning for his resident to finish the sutures. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh Alex! How wonderful! How are you doing? Are you well, dear?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex flushed slightly, but said, “I’m good, Mrs Robbins. Keeping busy, keeping out of trouble. The usual.” He loved her parents and was more than happy to let her mother fuss over him. He’d even come for Thanksgiving and Christmas the past few years, claiming that there was too much going on at Meredith’s sometimes. But she knew he secretly loved how her parents had taken to him. Hell, he’d even learned the rules of hockey so he could discuss it with her dad last Christmas. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m so glad to hear that. You’ll have to come over for dinner sometime soon!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Arizona winced at that idea. She’d definitely have to ask Andrew to stay at the hospital or something if her mom was insistent. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“And you’ll have to bring that lovely girl you’ve been seeing! Oh, maybe we can grill out. Arizona, do you have a grill? You know how much your father loves to grill.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, it’s not set up yet though.” Arizona shook her head minutely at her mother’s aggressive party planning, but she knew she needed this. There wasn’t much her mom could do for Tim yet so she needed to fuss over something. If that meant overplanning a dinner for Alex and whoever else got wrangled into this, then so be it. Barbara Robbins loved a grand meal and feeding as many people as she could. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sounds like a perfect project for Daniel. You know how he loves a project. Well, that’s settled. Once Daniel has that sorted, Alex, you’ll come over for dinner and bring that lovely girl you’re seeing. Who knows maybe even Tim will be able to come!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie spared a look her way that clearly communicated that Tim wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d love to, Mrs Robbins.” Arizona chuckled at the dichotomy of how Alex spoke to most people versus how he sounded when he was trying to be endlessly polite and well behaved. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Speaking of, Arizona, is it alright for us to see Tim?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> her mom said, her voice full of hope. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh… yeah, he was awake a bit ago.” Callie paused in her instructions to her resident to look up at her. “Can you take Sofia to daycare then, I guess?” She was almost positive that it was not the right time to introduce Sofia to Tim. Tim had seemed cheerful when she left him, but she knew how easy it was to slip into numbness and anger, and until he was ready, she didn’t want to expose Sofia to that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, none of that. Your father and I can watch her. But first, I think there’s someone here who’d like to talk to you.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>There was a commotion on the other end of the line as presumably, her mother passed the phone to Sofia. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mommy! Mommy!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Sof,” she chuckled, daring a glance towards Callie who was resolutely not meeting her eye. “Are you being good for Pops and Nana?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m always good, right, Nana?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother laughed happily. It was such a warm, comforting sound. Arizona hadn’t realized how much she had missed her mother’s real laugh from before Tim’s ‘death’. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“The best behaved of all my grandchildren.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A chuckle went around the OR, many of the peds-focused residents and peds nurses very familiar with Sofia’s precociousness from Arizona’s stories and the occasional phone call she took during surgery. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mommy, can we repaint my room? I’m so over pink. I want it to be green! Or maybe orange! Mama said I can’t repaint my room in New York, ‘cause it’s a, a, I dunno. But will you let me change it?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ignoring Callie’s obvious scowl beneath her mask, Arizona responded, “Sure, we can look at paint colours if you want.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“When can I see you, Mommy? I missed you the mostest and now I’m home.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Arizona’s heart lifted at that. Sofia still thought of Seattle as home. Thank God. The last thing she wanted was for Sofia to absolutely adore New York so much that she wouldn’t want to come back to Seattle to live. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I’m in surgery right now, but I’ll see you after and we can have dinner and watch a movie and hang out, okay?” Sofia cheered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Did you see Mama? She said she had to go straight to the hospital and do bone stuff. Did she talk to you about-” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m right here, Sofia,” Callie cut in. Arizona wondered absently what it was Callie wanted to talk to her about that she didn’t want Sofia announcing in a crowded OR. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Is Callie with you?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Her mother asked. Her father grumbled something in the background, but thankfully, it wasn’t loud enough to come through over the phone. She could only imagine what he was saying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, she’s helping out with the surgery.” There was silence on the other end of the line, her parents’ disapproval radiating out. “Look, Sof, I’ve gotta go. Be good for Nana and Pops. Mom, just… yeah, say hi to Tim and I’ll be by later.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, of course, we’ll see you in a few hours. Speak with you later, Callie, Alex. Have a good surgery, Zozo!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bye, Mom,” she spoke through gritted teeth. She nodded to Mary Jo to end the call. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dude, your mom just called you Zozo in front of like half the hospital.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut it, Karev.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just trying to save this kid, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Zozo</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What exactly would be the consequences of stabbing Karev with a scalpel? As she pondered ways to wound Karev, Callie interrupted, “I told you your dad hates me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t even say anything.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know! I could feel him hating me silently over the phone.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Callie, you’re being ridiculous.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am not. That is completely unfair, Arizona.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona ignored the mutterings of residents and nurses around them. Great, just what she wanted, her relationship with Callie back in the Grey-Sloan rumour mill. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s just not a chatty guy. I wouldn’t read anything into it. It’s like a Marine thing or something.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh great, Arizona, just remind me of how my ex-father-in-law could definitely kill me,” Callie snarked as she loudly repositioned a bone. “That’s not at all threatening.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t what I was doing at all. That’s just who he is. The sky is blue. Sofia loves ice cream. The Colonel is a Marine. I don’t-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This little bickering comedy act of yours,” Alex waved between them with a clamp, “hasn’t gotten cuter with age. Just like, talk about the Seahawks or your kid or something.” Callie huffed out a breath in irritation, refocusing on her work. Alex fixed her with a glare. She held up her hands innocently. “God, I miss when all you guys were arguing about was your boobs.” The resident next to Alex, some tall, gangly boy, choked slightly, his gaze flitting down to Arizona’s chest briefly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona flushed under her mask. “Karev, what have I said about talking about my boobs?” She asked, her tone saccharinely light. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, they’re good boobs, I’ll stand by that,” Alex defended. Despite how much she didn’t want to discuss her boobs with Alex, she had to give him credit for breaking up her and Callie’s little tiff or whatever that was. “Oi, Stretch, stop perving on Robbins.” The resident turned an alarming shade of red and kept his gaze firmly down. “So how about the Seahawks this season?” Alex asked, breaking the strange tension that lingered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona let herself take a moment as she scrubbed out, retracing her every move in the OR as was her tradition. Alex had gone up with both patients to monitor the baby in the NICU. He also was probably trying to flee before she could get him back for his earlier teasing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She silently debated whether it would be the best or the worst if Alex and Tim met. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, the girl had pulled through, even though the baby had to be delivered. Arizona kept wondering if there was a way she could’ve prevented it, but it had been touch and go. So now the NICU had a tiny, little girl who was a fighter, but Arizona didn’t want to think too long on her odds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were great in there.” Callie’s voice shocked her out of her thoughts. “You know, I don’t think I ever told you how impressive the whole fetal fellowship was. And it clearly paid off. You were brilliant in there, Arizona. You are brilliant.” Arizona finally met Callie’s gaze, unsure what she might find there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not too bad yourself, Callio-Callie.” She silently cursed herself for her inability to avoid old habits with Callie. It was just all too familiar with her. “Um, so what are your plans for the rest of the day?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They headed towards the elevator and Arizona tried to push thoughts of what they used to do post-surgery out of her mind. She twisted her scrub cap in her hands, lest they do something stupid, like try and touch Callie or something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Avery wants to meet up and take a look at your brother’s scans so we can get started on a game plan. And I should probably chat with Dr Vincent so he doesn’t feel all threatened by me, even though I do think he’s a mediocre surgeon, always has been.” Arizona swallowed hard. She used to love it when Callie got all ortho god and cocky, but now it was just torment. “I mean, he’s fine. But he’s no me, you know?” Arizona hummed in agreement. “And I should probably sit down with your brother and explain generally what treatment options there are. Does he, uh, um, does he know who I am?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona nodded as they stepped onto the elevator. “Yeah, that’s what we were talking about earlier,” she trailed off, waiting for Callie to jump in and say she had overheard and that Arizona needed to move on. But Callie just nodded, pressing a button on the elevator. “I was just filling him in. I showed him some pictures of Sofia. He was thrilled. And he wanted to know if she knew who he was. As if I could ever not share my brother with her.” She shook her head fondly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if she showed you her room in New York, but you know she has a picture of him there, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She does? It honestly gives me a headache when she moves the camera so we have a strict sitting down rule.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, that’s good to know, y’know, for next year.” Arizona wanted to pull Callie into a hug, to make the sad, pained look in her eyes disappear. She knew that look. She had seen that look in her eyes for the past year. The pain of being separated from your child was unlike any pain Arizona knew, and she liked to think she was well-versed in pain. It was a constant, desperate ache. “But yeah, she has one of the two of you next to the one of Mark holding her. She said it was so they could be friends in heaven. Which is honestly adorable.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The elevator doors slid open and a dark-haired woman walked in, her face buried in paperwork. Then abruptly she looked up. “Oh, Arizona?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Eliza, sorry, I...it’s been crazy, like beyond crazy.” She wanted nothing more than to melt into the floor as Callie glanced curiously between them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I, uh, I thought,” Eliza started, rubbing nervously at the back of her neck, “Wilson said you weren’t meant to be working for a few days.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, yeah, some stuff came up,” she said distractedly, shifting uncomfortably on her feet. Callie’s eyes burned into the back of her neck. This was not a conversation she wanted to have with her ex-wife casually leaning against the back of the elevator. “I’m sorry I...I should’ve reached out more. Wait, are you back?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, there was some paperwork I needed to fill out. You know, make the firing official.” She let out a nervous laugh, unable to meet Arizona’s eye. “I didn’t think I’d see you again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“At the hospital, you mean?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, no, not just at the hospital, like ever. I’m leaving. I’m headed down to New Mexico, Springs Something Medical Centre.” Arizona’s cheeks burned as she stared, open-mouthed, at Eliza. Eliza wouldn’t even look her in the eye, her gaze finally landing on Callie. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize there was anyone else here. Are you new? I thought I knew all of the attendings here.” Then she did a double-take, “Oh, wait, you’re Callie Torres, aren’t you?” Callie nodded, shooting a curious glance towards Arizona. She hadn’t talked about Callie to Eliza. Of course, Eliza could have found out through Grey-Sloan’s impressive gossip apparatus, but Arizona wasn’t keen to speak about Callie with the person she had been dating for only a few months. “Dr Eliza Minnick. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you sooner. I saw you speak a few years ago at a conference, but your hair was different.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie’s eyes darted to Arizona briefly. Arizona distinctly remembered that conference, their first time away from Sofia and they had made good on the alone time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you, Dr Minnick,” the way she said her name, Arizona knew Callie knew who Eliza was. But what she knew and how she knew was a mystery. She knew Callie spoke with Meredith occasionally and Meredith certainly had strong feelings about Eliza. But Eliza and Callie also worked in the same field, and Eliza was well known for her teaching methods. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been following your work. I’m in sports medicine and your cartilage was game-changing.” Callie looked all too pleased with the praise, a smug smile curving over her lips. Callie always loved to chat cartilage and it seemed so did Eliza. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was official. Arizona wanted to die or disappear or get abducted by aliens. What could be more fun than standing in an elevator with your ex-wife that you maybe had feelings for and the woman who apparently dumped you in front of said ex-wife while they discussed the intricacies of orthopaedic surgery?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And seriously, what was the deal with their elevators? Why were they so slow? She would have to bring that up at their next board meeting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door slid open, revealing Alex and Meredith. They stepped on, Meredith, in particular, looking completely amused. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bet you wish you took the stairs, huh?” Meredith whispered, nudging her with her elbow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex, meanwhile, was just trying not to laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as the doors slid open, Arizona all but ran off the elevator. Eliza and Callie followed behind, still chatting cartilage or something, honestly she wanted no part of it, so long as they weren’t talking about her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mommy!” Sofia scrambled down her grandfather and took off at a sprint across the reception to her mother. “Mommy! You’re here!” Sofia launched herself into Arizona’s arms, nearly knocking her off her feet. “Missed you,” hummed Sofia as she nuzzled against Arizona’s neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh Sofia, I missed you so much. I’m so glad you’re here now.” Arizona spun Sofia around, much to the little girl’s delight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I see Sofia found you,” her mother laughed as she joined them, carrying Sofia’s day bag. “All she could talk about was her mommy, wasn’t it, Miss Sofia?” She ruffled her granddaughter’s hair playfully.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Surgery go okay?” Her dad asked, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He glared at someone over her shoulder, presumably Callie. “You know, with Callie?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Dad, it was fine. We’re fine. Everything’s fine.” Ignoring her mother’s raised eyebrows, she said, “Hey, Sof, I’m gonna put you down. You’re a bit heavy for me these days.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia pouted, but let her set her on her feet. “Mama carries me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, your mama has a few inches on me and breaks bones for a living, so it’s a little different.” Straightening back up, but keeping a hand on Sofia’s shoulder, she asked, “So did you see Tim? How was he doing?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s sleeping again. He’s trying to be tough, but I think he’s in a lot of pain,” her mom admitted, while her dad looked away, “He’s still insistent about his leg. He won’t talk about it, but it clearly is causing him a lot of pain and he’s not taking the pain medicine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seriously? He needs to take his pain meds.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother held up her hands in supplication. “You know how stubborn that boy is. Are you good about taking your medicine?” She asked, that annoyingly knowing look back in her eye. When Arizona fixed her gaze on the top of Sofia’s head, her mom said, “That’s what I thought, Zozo.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona groaned at the nickname. At this rate, between her parents and her brother, everyone in the hospital would start calling her Zozo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well, I’ll talk to Tim tomorrow about his pain meds. He needs all the rest he can get.” She sighed heavily. “So, Sof, what do you say we head home?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can we have dinner? I’m super hungry and Pops took me to the cafe and I had this really weird orange soup, but it was tasty, but now I’m hungry again and will you please make crispy chicken and mashed potatoes? Yours is so much better than Mama’s. She always burns it and her potatoes are too chunky.” Arizona deliberately choose not to read too much into how happy it made her that there were things that Sofia preferred she do versus Callie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing, Sof.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is Dr Andrew having dinner with us?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia’s minor hero-worship of Andrew developed last year after Sofia watched </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tangled </span>
  </em>
  <span>and decided that he looked just like Flynn Rider. She had even managed to talk him into a few Skype calls. Arizona totally supported it. It was good for Sofia to have positive male influences in her life that weren’t her grandparents. Nobody could ever replace Mark, but she liked to think he would’ve liked Andrew. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, bug, he might be working. But I’m sure you’ll see him soon if he’s not home tonight.” Sofia pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. “Do you want to drive with me or your grandparents? I’ll need to stop at the store for dinner.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia grasped her hand tightly. “I’m goin’ with you, Mommy. I don’t ever want to be apart again. It was the </span>
  <em>
    <span>worst</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” the little girl groaned. Almost instinctively, Arizona looked up and found Callie watching them. As soon as she noticed Arizona looking, she dropped her head, apparently fascinated with her paperwork. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, Sof, wild horses couldn’t tear me away from you.” She brushed her fingers through Sofia’s dark hair. “Shall we?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We shall!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you guys at home?” Her parents both nodded, although her father looked like he was considering going over and saying something to Callie. In an effort to stave that off, Arizona suggested they walk out together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they walked out, her mother threaded an arm through Arizona’s. “So, who was the brunette speaking with Callie off the elevator? She kept looking over at you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, Dr Eliza Minnick. She’s in sports medicine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that the same Eliza you’re seeing?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona bit back a groan as she nodded. “Although not anymore. I’m fairly certain we just broke up. In front of Callie.” Thankfully, her car was right outside the doors, perks of owning the hospital and only having one leg that she had never been more grateful for. “Oh, look, there’s my car. Sof, why don’t you go ahead? I’ll help with the buckles.” Sofia bounded off, excitement for being home rolling off her in waves. “I’ll see you guys back at mine in a bit.” She turned to help Sofia when her mom called, “We’re still going to discuss that, Arizona!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia had insisted on a story from her mother, her grandparents and Andrew before she finally passed out from the exhaustion of her day. Her mother continually tried to corner her to discuss Callie or Eliza, she wasn’t sure which, until her father had insisted they go to bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona found herself idly reading an article Cristina Yang had published, but then thoughts of Cristina sent her down a bad spiral of Callie and the plane crash and all of those happy and most terrible moments. She tossed the journal down on her bed. She laid back on her pillows, staring up at her bedroom ceiling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her life was good. She had her daughter back in the same state. She had gotten a miracle that nobody ever could have foreseen. Tim was back and he was alive. But she still felt an aching loneliness that she couldn’t quite shake. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her self-pity was quickly interrupted before it could get too pathetic by a phone call. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Teddy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You need to come in. Like right now.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh God, is Tim okay? Did something happen?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Arizona, he’s terrified and asking for you.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Teddy said quietly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Just, I know it’s the middle of the night, but I think you should come in. I mean, I had a tough time at night for a long time when I came back. Remember how I used to take a stupid amount of night shifts? And I didn’t go through a fraction of what he went through.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She remembered finding her father sat at their kitchen table in the middle of the night, staring at a bottle of whiskey that was never opened. He never said anything about those nights and she had learned not to mention them when he got a faraway look in his eyes. And she knew about her own dark nights where she would stare at her leg for long, painful minutes, trying to convince herself that it really was gone. Or nights when there was a rare thunderstorm and it sounded like metal being wrenched apart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, no, I’ll just… I’ll be there as soon as possible. Thank you, Teddy. I appreciate it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Of course, Arizona. I’m still on Germany time anyway. I’ll sit with him until you get here.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With shaky hands, she put her leg back on and then pulled on an old pair of jeans. Grabbing the first sweatshirt she could find, she was downstairs in a matter of minutes. She scrawled out a quick note to her parents letting them know where she was. She considered waking them, but decided against it. She’d go and see what was going on with Tim and then let them know. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Almost in a haze, she drove to the hospital. She barely said a word to anyone as she hurried up to Tim’s room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soft voices floated out of Tim’s room. She burst through the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim…” He looked up at her, his eyes still red-rimmed and so tired. “Thanks, Teddy, I really appreciate it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The good Major here was just telling me about how you threaten people with bricks nowadays,” Tim said, his voice all wrong. “What? You can’t just punch ‘em?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She leaned against the doorframe, weariness weighing her down. “Nah, then I’d break my very talented fingers.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim screwed up his face. “Oh, c’mon, Zoie, I don’t wanna hear about your sex life.” Teddy burst out laughing, doubling over herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh God, Tim, no, I’m a surgeon. That’s gross, Timothy.” Arizona took one of the chairs opposite Teddy. “Really, thank you, Teddy. You should get some rest.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, thank you, Major. I’m sorry for taking up so much of your time tonight.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy stood slowly, stretching her arms above her head. “You Robbinses are all charm, aren’t you?” She shook her head fondly. “And technically, you’re my only patient. But I’m gonna go crash in an on-call room for a while. See if I can’t kick this jetlag.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once Teddy left, any trace of a smile faded from Tim’s face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim,” she began, keeping her voice impossibly gentle, “what’s wrong?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was dark.” He turned away from her. “It was dark and so quiet and I was alone.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim, I’m sorry, if I had known. You slept straight through last night. I would’ve stayed, or Mom, or Dad. Someone could’ve stayed.” She reached out to touch his elbow, but he flinched away. She tucked her hands in her lap, remembering a long period of time when she wouldn’t even let Callie touch her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I had a nightmare,” he muttered, “I had a nightmare that this was a dream. That I was still there. It was so real. I could smell it. The smell of misery, and hot sand, and blood, and decay. It was so real,” he repeated, tears slowly falling down his cheeks. “And I couldn’t move. I was frozen. I wasn’t tied down or handcuffed or anything. And it hurts, Zoie, it hurts so bad.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona sat quietly, listening to her brother. She tried not to let herself imagine what horrors Tim had survived. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I gave up on a rescue so long ago. I could barely remember what my life was like before. And then I’d have these vivid dreams, but I’d forget them the next day. I used to sing to myself,” he let out a wet chuckle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re a terrible singer.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know. </span>
  <em>
    <span>They </span>
  </em>
  <span>thought so too. We weren’t supposed to talk. Make a sound. I saw this one man, I think he was a teacher or a businessman, I don’t even know. He wailed because of the pain and he was taken away and I never saw him again. So when they heard me singing,” Tim shuddered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim, you don’t have to tell me. We don’t have to talk about this.” She almost wanted to say she didn’t want to hear it, but if this was what Tim needed, she could try to push through. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim let out a sob, his body trying to curl in on itself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I touch you, Tim?” He nodded slightly through his sobs. She rested one hand on his arm while she gently tugged her fingers through his dark blonde hair. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, you’re safe, Tim. I’ve got you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I forgot your voice,” he whispered, his voice stuttering and weak. “I couldn’t remember your voice. I could remember your smile. Always your smile, but I forgot your voice. Sometimes, I could almost hear you, telling me not to be such a baby, like you used to tell me and Nick when we’d follow you around.” Arizona’s fingers stilled at the mention of Nick. God, she was going to have to tell Tim that Nick was dead and that she was too weak and pathetic to go to his funeral. Although, she wasn’t sure if she would have gone, plane crash notwithstanding, because she couldn’t go and stand in Arlington as she lost another brother. “I couldn’t remember your voice.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll talk to you so much, Tim, you’ll be sick of it, I promise. Totally sick of it.” He finally turned back to face her, his eyes desperately searching for reassurance. “I’ve got you, Tim. I’ve always got you, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been gone for so long, Zoie. What if I’m too broken? What if I can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>live </span>
  </em>
  <span>anymore? Maybe I should’ve died ten years ago during that mission. I should’ve died.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim, damn it. No. You do not get to say that. No.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why? Why not, Arizona? I wanted to die,” he snarled, but his sad eyes betrayed his anger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Letting out a shaky breath, she brushed away the tears from her cheeks. “You ever say that to me again and I swear to God, Tim,” she trailed off, unable to think of an appropriate threat, “No, you don’t get to say that. Your… God, when, when those soldiers showed up, I thought I was dying. Mom and Dad were out with some of his buddies and their wives, some ski trip or something, I don’t even remember. And I was just there to water Mom’s plants. I had worked for like three days straight. I literally thought I was hallucinating. Have you ever seen Dad cry? Because I have. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>cried</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Tim, like a baby. Mom didn’t talk for like a week. She just sat in your old room staring at the wall. You were the one who was dead, but we, we didn’t know how to keep on living. I didn’t feel anything for almost three years. I drank and slept around and barely slept and… Tim, I need you to live. You are still here because you are the strongest person I know, so no, you can’t give up or wish you were dead and I know, I know how tempting that is. But you have to fight.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Zoie, I…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have to fight because Mom and Dad are finally whole again. And because I want you to meet Sofia and I want you there when she graduates from med school or solves world hunger or becomes an astronaut. Because I want to watch you fall in love again and have those two kids you always wanted. Because you have missed so much and you can’t miss anymore. I won’t let you, even if you give up on yourself, I’m not giving up on you, Timmy. I’m not giving up, so you can’t either. And when have we ever done anything without the other?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so scared, Arizona,” he whispered as if saying it out loud would bring the world crashing down around his ears. “I can’t… I can’t be a good man in a storm anymore.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shh… no, you are, Tim. You are.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The things I’ve seen, the things </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve </span>
  </em>
  <span>done, Arizona, I am not a good man.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Timothy Robbins, you are a good man and you will not convince me otherwise. You have been to hell and back, anything you did to survive doesn’t matter. You are a good man.” She placed a hand over his heart, ignoring the scar tissue she could feel through his gown or the wires coming out of his body. “You are still alive. You made it through the storm. You made it through, Tim.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m still in it, Zoie,” he confessed, “I feel lost.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay to be lost, Tim. Because I know you’ll find your way out of it, and if you need directions, I’ve got you. If you need someone to sit with you through the night, I’ve got you. If you need someone to kick your ass, I’m on it and I’ll do it happily,” she teased gently, desperate to bring even half a smile to his face. “Whatever you need. I am getting you through this. I am not losing anymore. I have lost a leg, a wife, a baby and my daughter for a year. So, no, you don’t get to give up, Timothy Robbins.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim shut his eyes, but his lips twitched in a shadow of a smile. “God, I missed your stupid speeches.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, ‘cause you’re gonna get a lot of them now. I’ve got ten years to make up for.” She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “And now, I’m going to get a nurse to up your pain meds and you’re going to sleep. I am going to sit here with you and I’ll keep the lights on, so there’s no more darkness. Don’t even try to argue with me right now, ‘cause you know I’ll win.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“S’not my fault I never made it to law school,” he mumbled, the shadows slowly receding from his eyes.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See, that’s another thing to look forward to. You can go to law school and then maybe you’ll finally win an argument. It’ll be your first win in what, like forty years by then.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh God, are we old now?”   </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She tugged gently at his hair, streaks of grey at his temples. “You’re the one with greying hair.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It makes me look distinguished.” She choked on a laugh, recalling Mark telling her almost the same thing years ago. “I think I see some grey in yours.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You do not, you jerk.” She patted his cheek. “I’ll be right back, okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After finding a nurse, she sat back and watched as her brother slowly started to drift off, the pain meds forcing him into a state of relaxation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Talk to me, please, Zo?” He asked, his words starting to slur. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused for a moment, trying to think of something to talk about. “Okay, so last year, Sofia finally got to start playing soccer. I mean she was five, almost six, but she really wanted to, so we signed her up. And I swear to God, Tim, it was the funniest thing. Half the kids chased a butterfly around, a few actually just sat there picking their noses and a few of them did actually try to kick the ball, but their legs are so tiny. I can’t even remember us being that small. I mean, I know we were, but their tiny little cleats and shinpads are the cutest and I just can’t fathom being so tiny. Sofia actually scored, but she sort of just tripped over the ball. She had a stain all the way…” Arizona trailed off as she watched Tim’s breathing finally level out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she sat watching him sleep, she pinched herself, trying to force herself to remember that this was real. That it wasn’t a dream. That Tim wasn’t going anywhere. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had spent so many years missing him, reaching for her phone to call him, only to remember he was buried in Arlington. After her first date with Callie, she cried for an hour because she called Tim and the line was no longer in service. When she got the Carter Madison grant, her first thought beyond having to leave Callie was that Tim would’ve been so jealous. For years, he had been a looming presence in her life like a shadow that she never wanted to lose. And now he was here. He was here and he was breathing and he wasn’t buried in a box in a dress uniform. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona?” There was only one person in the world who said her name like that, like it was something precious. “Arizona, you’re crying.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-w-what?” She stuttered, instinctively wiping at her cheeks. Sure enough, she had been crying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona,” Callie said again and she wanted Callie either to never say her name again or say it again and again. “Arizona, what’s wrong?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She crossed the room in a few long steps, crouching down in front of Arizona. Arizona shook her head frantically. Callie wasn’t hers to seek comfort from. She couldn’t ask Callie to support her. Callie had promised once, so long ago, to do the things she couldn’t. But she wouldn’t hold her do that since Arizona had broken their vows. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing, nothing’s wrong.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And yet, you’re crying.” Callie set a hand on her right knee, gently running her thumb across it. “You don’t cry for no reason.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sniffled loudly. “It’s just… Tim… he’s afraid of the dark. And he’s so broken and he’s hurting and I just want to make it stop.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, sweetheart. I’m sure you being here helps.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A rough sob tore its way from her throat, likely in response to Callie’s gentleness. She had missed this. Not even from Callie specifically, just the feeling of another person comforting her while she cried. Andrew tried, bless him, but he got nervous and really, she couldn’t ask that of him. She and Eliza had barely been anything before they were nothing. There wasn’t anyone else. There hadn’t been anyone else for ages. Alex and April did their best to be there for her, but they had their own lives, their own problems. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, Arizona, c’mon, no more tears,” Callie whispered as if speaking any louder would break the moment. “Please don’t cry. What can I do?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can...can you just sit with me? Please, Callie, just this once. Can you just sit with me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Callie moved into the chair next to Arizona, keeping her hand on her leg. She continued to rub soothing circles on Arizona’s knee as Arizona continued to quietly cried. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At some point, Arizona must’ve drifted off, exhausted from the crying and the emotional toil of the past few days. She glanced around the room, dawn just starting to break through the clouds. It was just her and Tim. She furrowed her brow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Had Callie been there or had that been a figment of her imagination? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then she noticed a bottle of water, a bottle of Tylenol, a granola bar and one of those instant ice packs on the table. There wasn’t a note or anything, but it had to be Callie. No one else would’ve brought the good chocolate-peanut butter granola bars that you could only find way over in the cancer wing, except for Callie. Because Callie used to run and get them when she had a big surgery. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Arizona whispered to no one in particular. She limped over, cursing the stiffness in her leg from sleeping in a chair with her prosthetic on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After swallowing a couple of Tylenol and a few sips of water, she took back her seat, content to watch Tim sleep as she iced her leg, her prosthetic propped up against his bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll get you through this, Tim. I promise.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this chapter gave me so much trouble, but it's done and I'm reasonably happy with it. </p><p>loving all the reviews! you all are great! </p><p>say hey on tumblr at avasharpest ! </p><p>much love x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>alt. title: arizona is having overall a bad time</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>With a sigh, Arizona turned away from the storm raging outside, the windows rattling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she was a child, she used to love storms. If her father was home, he’d sit with her and watch the lightning. One of her most treasured memories of her father was the summer before they moved to Germany and he had taken time off so they could go stay with her grandmother in Wisconsin. A thunderstorm rolled in off the Great Lakes, the sky turning nearly green. At first, Arizona flinched away from the early rumblings of thunder and the sound of rain on the screened porch. But then, her father pulled her into his lap and told her the story of her grandfather for the first time. Arizona sat with her father, watching how the lightning danced over the lake her grandmother lived on in the cabin her husband had built before leaving for Hawaii. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She felt safe and brave and strong in her father’s arms, learning about why she had a funny name, why her father felt he had to leave all the time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A lifetime later, and she was terrified of storms. The crack of lightning reminded her of metal tearing apart. Thunder sounded like hitting the earth and screaming. Even the lingering smell after a storm somehow smelled of jet fuel and burning metal and oh God, blood and infection and Mark’s aftershave. A wave of nausea nearly overtook her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She gripped the counter, weighing her options. It would be so easy to take a sleeping pill and just block everything out. But she couldn’t. Sofia was here now and she needed her. Instead, she opted for a glass of wine. But it seemed lonely on her counter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything felt lonely these days. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even more so in the past two days since Tim’s nightmares. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona downed about half her glass, quickly refilling it. The house was so quiet with only Sofia there. Andrew had barely left the hospital on some neuro case. Her parents were staying overnight with Tim. And Tim, well, Tim refused to see her anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So much for getting her brother back, huh? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>two days earlier… </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona slipped back into Tim’s room, coffee in hand. She had ducked out after one of the overeager interns came in for pre-rounds. Apparently, she was desperate to get on Callie’s service because she loved ortho, but Vincent wouldn’t teach her. Another thing she’d have to bring up at the next board meeting, that and why their elevators were so impossibly slow when you were sharing them with people you didn’t want to talk to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim’s head lolled towards her. “Do I get any of that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m afraid no coffee for a while.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I smell it at least?” He pouted until she came closer, waving the coffee under his nose. “I would kill for a coffee.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No can do, Timmy boy,” she said, grinning as she took a long sip. “Did you get some sleep?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he paused, his cheeks flushing, “I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t...you shouldn’t have to take care of me. You’ve got a kid, you’ve got a life… I dunno. I just woke up and it was dark and I was alone and I didn’t know who else to ask for. You’re handling this better than Mom and Dad.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Setting her coffee down, she reached for Tim’s leg, patting his knee. “You don’t have to apologize. Sofia sleeps like the dead most of the time and I’ll head back and see her before she even knows I’m gone. You went through something terrible and if you need to ask for help, and you can ask for help, that’s not a bad thing.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim shook his head, eyes downcast. “It’s kind of annoying how level headed you are sometimes.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just say the past few years have been a crash course in crisis management and all the rest,” she laughed, folding her leg up onto the chair, cradled against the armrest. “Tim, it’s good you’re asking for help where you need it. I’m here for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded again. For a moment, he looked as if he had more to say about last night. But instead, he asked, “Is that my sweatshirt?” nodding towards the West Point sweater she was wearing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She glanced down at it. “Uh, yeah, guess so. I wasn’t really paying attention when I got dressed. I’d give it back to you, but I don’t really fancy sitting around in my bra when residents come in on rounds.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, yeah, I don’t want your boobs to be the first boobs I see in ten years,” he gagged, drawing a slight chuckle from his sisters. Tim shivered dramatically. “Oh God, now I have that image in my mind. Zoie,” he whined.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not my fault.” She held up her hands defensively. “Huh, I don’t know if I could go that long with no boobs. The longest I went with no boobs or sex or anything was after Callie left or maybe after the custody battle.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can we please not talk about your sex life? Like I am begging you. I’d rather just pretend that the furthest you ever got with a girl was getting your earring stuck on Lottie Hayes’ bikini during that party we threw at Nana’s place in Martha’s Vineyard.” Arizona took a long sip of her coffee as if that would drive away the bright blush on her cheeks. “It took us like an hour to untangle it and then you couldn’t even look her in the eye!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim, I hate to burst your bubble-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lalalala, I can’t hear you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh wow, didn’t realize I was back up in my peds ward,” she chuckled, absently checking the monitors around Tim’s bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But wait, why do you have my sweatshirt?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dad was going to donate all of your stuff. So Mom just put it into boxes and had me and Nick go through and take anything we wanted. I have a couple of your sweatshirts, the records Grandad left you, most of the photos you had, but I digitized them for Mom, some other random things like that. I dunno, it just seemed wrong for everything you had to just sit in their garage.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was more than that even. She took boxes from her parents, mainly in fear of her dad throwing stuff out. Those boxes moved everywhere with her. The first time Callie came over to her place, she had asked why she kept a dresser in front of a closet. Arizona had explained her landlord kept it like that because he had stuff in there. The real reason was Arizona was trying to stop herself from opening those boxes and digging through them as she had at least once a week in the two years she had lived in Seattle. That she was trying to shove all her memories of Tim into a corner of her mind to let herself be happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh, okay, I mean, I want my stuff back, for the record.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough. Once you’re out of here, you can go through it all and take whatever you want. I’ve got you now, so I don’t need your stuff.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim flashed a bright, almost cocky grin towards her, a smile that she had hated a decade ago when he used it on her friends, but absolutely loved now. “So, you gotta tell me, what did Nick say when you told him I was back? Did he cry? I bet he cried. Or is he still overseas?” Arizona stilled, her hand trembling slightly. She carefully set her coffee down before she could spill it. “Zoie, someone called him, right? I mean I assume my unit knows, or at least my commanding officer. But someone’s gotta let Nick know. Someone’s gotta tell him it wasn’t his fault.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim….” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona, what?” She pointedly stared out the window, chewing on her cheek until she tasted blood. “Arizona,” he barked, sounding more and more like their father. “Where is Nick?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, Tim, Nick died five years ago,” she barely managed to whisper, old and painful guilt choking her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. No, he can’t be dead. He’s Nick. He’s always fine. He’s gotta be fine. Maybe he’s just missing like I was? Please, Arizona. If that’s a joke, it’s not fucking funny.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shook her head desperately, memories flooding back. How she had fallen apart on Nick time after time, all of the times he had pulled her out of a bar, how he had been the one to tell her to go to Seattle, to get away from her bad habits. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Tim. There wasn’t… there wasn’t anything anyone could do. It’s my fault, Tim.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How can it be your fault, Zoie?” he croaked, tears already falling down his cheeks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She let out a sob. God, was she horrible for missing when Nick was the only bad thing in her life? That week before the plane crash, she had been so consumed by Nick and Alex leaving that she barely had time for Callie. She had lost the last good week with her wife because of Nick. Had that plane not fallen out of the sky, Nick dying would’ve been the worst thing since her brother’s death. Instead, it barely registered with her in her downward spiral into depression and self-destruction.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He was diagnosed with cancer in his leg, but he waited, he waited and didn’t tell me. By, by the time he told me, it was too late. I’m so sorry, it’s my fault.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“C-c-cancer?” Tim choked out, twisting as far as he could to face her. “I don’t understand….” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded, biting down on her bottom lip. “I would’ve, I would’ve made him see a doctor. I wouldn’t have let him do all of that natural medicine bullshit. But he, he, he didn’t want to tell me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona fought the urge to pinch or hit her leg, anything to ground her. “Because I was drowning and Nick kept pulling me out and I couldn’t take another loss so Nick, he, he didn’t tell me. He told me to go to Seattle and be the best and he was going to travel the world. I thought… I thought it was because he couldn’t go back after losing you. But it was because he was dying.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you let him?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trying to not be wounded by the anger in Tim’s voice, Arizona said softly, “I didn’t know, Tim. You were dead and Nick was honourably discharged and he stayed on my couch for ages and made sure I ate and slept during my last year of residency and didn’t drink myself to death. And then he decided he was going to be a photographer and he told me I had to pull myself together because you wouldn’t want me to give up,” she sobbed into her hand, mindful of the increasing busyness outside, “I swear to God, I didn’t know.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He came to you for help and you couldn’t do anything? Did you even try?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He came for Callie. The cancer started in his leg. Mom or someone told him that I married an orthopaedic surgeon.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what, the supposed superstar you’ve brought in to save my goddamned hands couldn’t do it? Is she even any good? Or are you just using me as an excuse to get back with your ex-wife? ‘Cause if so, that’s pretty fucking pathetic, Arizona,” he spat out. Her gentle brother had disappeared, the angry, raging man he had become taking his place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There wasn’t anything she could do. He had left it so long that the cancer had spread everywhere. It was in his heart. He waited six years. Six years is a long time for such an aggressive cancer. If he had been treated when it was found, he probably would’ve been fine. But he waited. And it’s my fault. He waited because he thought I’d break if I lost him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did he… did he die in this place?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shook her head, blinking back more tears. “No, no, he, uh, I think he went to Belize.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Okay, I don’t know. He died a few weeks after the plane crash and I was a mess and I think the American embassy in Belize called me because Nick always put me down as his emergency contact but I… I wasn’t… I couldn’t… Callie took the call I think and called Mom.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fury blazed across his face. “Nick, our best friend, the one person we had growing up and you couldn’t answer a fucking phone call!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Anger flared within Arizona in response to her brother. “I couldn’t even look at my own child! I couldn’t do anything!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You gave up on Nick, you were supposed to look out for us!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I tried everything, Tim! I didn’t know he was sick! He should’ve told me!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where is he buried? Did you at least go to his funeral? Or did you just let Jane deal with it all?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eye. Her guilt over Nick had just simmered over the years, never being relevant enough to be dealt with, but still there. “He’s in Arlington, same as you. I… I couldn’t…. Tim, I had just had major, life-altering surgery. I couldn’t get out of bed. I was stuck in a wheelchair. I… Mom and Dad went. I don’t…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t even go to the funeral?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim, I was in a plane crash. I wasn’t exactly sitting around drinking sangrias. I was recovering from an amputation and dealing with severe depression and PTSD. I could barely keep myself going. I loved Nick like I love you. I lost another brother. And  I couldn’t be there…. You don’t think I don’t hate myself for that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatever, Arizona. I… I don’t even know what to say to you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim, you have to understand, I would’ve done everything for Nick if I could’ve. And I will feel guilty about the fact that he didn’t feel he could come to me forever, because of how I dealt with your death. But what happened after the plane crash, that wasn’t the person you knew. You know, I would’ve gone to Nick’s funeral even though it would’ve destroyed me to see him in a box, to have to get another flag. I will never forgive myself for who I became after the crash, ever. The things I did, I said, are unforgivable.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re right, you are different. Because the Arizona I know wouldn’t have let Nick die alone. I don’t even know you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is this a bad time?” Callie asked after knocking on the door, a resident and intern trailing behind her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona hastily wiped at her face in a desperate attempt to save face in front of Callie. “Um, no, I was just… I should head out before… Sofia should be waking up soon.” She glanced over to Tim, noting the hard set to his jaw and anger in his eyes. “Uh, Tim, I’ll, I’ll see you later.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatever, Arizona. Just go.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In a rush to leave, she nearly tripped but managed to catch herself on the doorframe. She hurried down the hallway, keeping her chin nearly tucked to her chest in an effort to escaping the gossip-hungry eyes of the hospital. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hesitated in front of the elevator, deciding at the last minute to swing by her office and grab her notes for the surgeries she had postponed. Just before the doors closed, a tall brunette stepped on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry to bother you, but do you know where the chief’s office is?” The woman asked, flashing a bright smile. Had Arizona been in a better mood she would’ve been charmed by her accent and might have even flirted a bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona eyed the woman warily, an old habit from years ago. “Why?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m here to talk to her about my research.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona explained how to get to Bailey’s office before asking, “Research about what?” Bailey hadn’t mentioned anything about new researchers coming in their last meeting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, the female orgasm.” Arizona must have looked surprised because the woman elaborated, “Female sexual pleasure is vastly underrepresented and is so different from male pleasure in the brain. It has major implications for pain management, etcetera.” Arizona nodded along, only half-listening to the woman. “You know, an orgasm can do wonders for sadness,” the woman said, leaning slightly towards Arizona. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are too pretty a woman to look so sad. Have you just received bad news?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, no, just my little brother… we had an argument.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes, little brothers are like that. Mine, he may be grown, but he’ll always be my stupid little brother.”  The elevator came to a stop on Bailey’s floor. “I hope you and your brother work things out. Maybe I’ll see you around?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona nodded absently, unable to shake the grief building in her chest at Tim’s accusations. “Sure, I hope your meeting goes well.” The woman stepped off with a wink, watching Arizona until the doors closed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona quickly made her way to her office, apparently looking agitated enough that no one, not even Alex dared bother her. She gathered the relevant files and journals, balancing them carefully in her arms. All she wanted to do was go home and hold her daughter and pray she wouldn’t cry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She needed to be happy. Sofia was home. Tim was alive. She was supposed to be happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A traitorous voice in her mind whispered that she hadn’t been happy in so long, she wasn’t even capable of it anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona, wait up,” Callie called just as she was crossing the lobby. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Callie, I really need to go home. I don’t want Sofia waking up with just my parents there.” Arizona waited though. Because she never could ignore Callie. “What can I do for you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just… you looked upset. I wanted to make sure you were okay.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have to do this, Callie. I appreciate what you did for me last night and thank you for leaving that stuff for me. But it was a one-time deal. I don’t… we shouldn’t… Look, it was just a bad night. You don’t, you don’t need to do things for me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie’s brow creased and she almost looked wounded. “Arizona, I was just worried-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need to worry about me, Callie. I’m not yours to worry about anymore, okay?” Before Callie could respond, and she clearly wanted to, Arizona’s phone rang. “Sorry, it’s my mom. Hey, oh hey, Sof, yeah, I know. I’ll be home in… yeah, sure I’ll pick up the stuff for pancakes. I know, I know. Okay, yeah. I was just talking with Mommy. Do you want to say hi?” Arizona offered her phone to Callie, who eagerly accepted it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, baby girl. Oh wow, that’s great.” Arizona watched her ex-wife speak with their daughter. It had been so long since she had seen Callie interact with Sofia, but she was… it was still everything to Arizona. The way Callie was so invested in everything Sofia said, the soft smile she had as she listened. Arizona broke out of her trance when Callie handed back her phone. “She, uh, is there any chance you’d bring her for lunch here? Jackson and I are just going to be strategizing on Tim’s hands.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. I need to come in anyway. We should… we should figure out a schedule for while you’re here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we can talk about it at lunch?”Arizona must have been sleep deprived because she could’ve sworn Callie almost looked hopeful at the prospect of having lunch with her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, maybe, I have a video consult I need to prepare for. But I’ll try, okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Are you-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I really should get going, Callie. I don’t want to keep Sofia waiting.” Arizona ran a hand through her hair, fingers catching on her curls. “Uh, good luck with Jackson. And uh, you might want to have Hunt or someone send someone from ortho to explain what’s going on with Tim’s leg to him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I can do it. I am an orthopaedic surgeon,” Callie chuckled somewhat self-deprecatingly, “in case you forgot.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘I haven’t forgotten anything about you,’ Arizona wanted to say. But instead, she said, “Callie, you… I don’t want you to get involved with Tim’s leg.” Callie stepped back as if Arizona had slapped her. Callie had been through so much because of her leg. There was no point in Callie having to relive those nightmares with Tim. It would just threaten Callie’s happiness. And Callie was finally happy after Arizona broke her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Arizona,” any trace of good mood Callie had earlier was gone, “I understand,” she said, her tone clipped and cold. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Calli-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should go. I’ll see Sofia later.” Callie turned abruptly on her heel, disappearing back into the busy hospital. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona stared after her, a sinking feeling that she had somehow messed up again. She was good at that, upsetting Callie. It was practically her one talent at times. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she had dropped Sofia with Callie for lunch, Callie mentioned that Vincent would be speaking to Tim about his leg. Arizona managed to push her consultation with Addison to the next day so she could be there with him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim scowled at her as she came in, finding her parents already set up at his bedside. Tim remained silent as her parents fussed over her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona, are you really working again?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mom, I scheduled this call with Dr Montgomery nearly a month ago. We are working within a tight timeframe here, considering this baby only has another month before her due date. It won’t take too long, I promise.” She tried to focus on her mom but she was overly distracted by Tim’s dark presence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you’re working tomorrow too, aren’t you?” Her father interjected, curiously glancing between his children. “I just think you should be here for Tim.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look, I, my patients, they can’t wait forever and some of them travelled to Seattle to see me. For these women, I’m the best, the only chance they have. I need to do my job. I’ll be in the hospital all day, so if anything is going on with Tim, I can be here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, Arizona. I wouldn’t want to burden you. Wouldn’t want to make you deal with anything you can’t handle,” Tim sneered, shifting uncomfortably on his bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her dad barked, “Timothy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dad, it’s fine,” Arizona cut in before her father and brother could get into it. They had a nasty habit of arguing, forcing her to mediate the two of them. “Honestly, it’s fine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Dad, it’s totally fine,” echoed Tim, rolling his eyes. “What are you doing here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona fiddled with a loose string in her jacket pocket, winding it tightly around her finger until it started to cut off circulation before letting it go again. “Callie mentioned someone from ortho was coming to speak with you about your leg.” Tim just grunted in response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So Callie’s having lunch with Sofia? Is she not handling Tim’s leg?” Her dad sounded nothing short of suspicious of Callie’s intentions, which was honestly just beyond Arizona at this point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she exhaled. “Yeah, Sof wanted to see her. We haven’t figured out a schedule yet for while Callie’s here-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, the joys of divorce,” Tim snarked under his breath, drawing their mother’s ire. She scolded him quietly as Arizona continued. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“-Anyway, no, Callie’s just here for Tim’s hands. I...uh, I don’t think it’s a good idea for Callie to be Tim’s doctor for his leg.” She already regretted coming to see her brother, who’s mood had not improved since this morning. She shouldn’t have told him about Nick. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s the point of dragging your ex out here if not to fix me? Maybe I was right about-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona quickly cut him off before he could repeat his words about her being pathetic. “Callie is… she needs to focus on your hands, not your leg. Your leg is a forgone conclusion, to be perfectly honest. Nothing has changed since Dr Hunt spoke with you initially. It was her recommendation that you amputate, which our head of ortho here agreed with.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so what, your ex-wife is getting back at you by cutting off my leg?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stick out your leg and I'll grab a bone saw and let's even the score! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her words from the awful night all those years ago echoed in her mind and she wanted to be sick. This was all too much. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim, how could you even think that?” Her mother asked, horrified. “That’s awful.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Tim didn’t even acknowledge her, his focus solely on his sister. She glared back at him, even though she wanted to cry or throw up or run. “Mine and Callie’s relationship has nothing to do with you or your leg.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Everything’s about the leg!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Callie’s voice yelled in her mind. Arizona tapped her fingers against her thigh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really, ‘cause it sure seems like it does.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim, really, I don’t think this is-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I want to know why Arizona is acting like this.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona glanced around the room, searching for an escape but there was none. She almost hoped for some sort of emergency to call her away, but that was horrible and she should never hope for dying kids or pregnant ladies. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona,” Tim snapped and it was like she was looking at a complete stranger. Even his eyes, so similar to hers, looked alien. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because she had to make the decision about my leg and I resented her for it and it destroyed us. I don’t want to force her to make that decision again. I can’t do that to her. I won’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her words hung in the room, the rest of her family at a loss for words until Tim said sharply, “Well, it’s a good thing I’m not losing my leg, then isn’t it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim, you need to-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, this isn’t like when we were kids when you got to boss me around. You aren’t my doctor. I don’t have to listen to you. I don’t care if you’ve only got one leg. I plan on keeping both of mine.” Arizona stepped away from her brother. She swallowed back the bile burning in her throat. It was like she was watching herself from all those years ago. The anger, the blazing fury that had to be directed at someone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Timothy, that is enough. You do not speak to your sister like that,” her father snapped, standing to his feet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, side with her. Daddy’s little princess.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim,” her mother tried, but Tim ignored her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just get out, Arizona. I don’t want to see you. You gave up on Nick, you’ve clearly already given up on my leg. Just leave.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim, if you don’t have that amputation, you won’t walk again. You’ll be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of your life. You can lash out and yell at me, but I still love you and I want what’s best for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told you,” he snarled, a foul expression twisting his face, “I want you out. Leave, Arizona.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine, whatever. Fuck you too, Tim.” She turned sharply on her heel, storming out of the room. She sidestepped the poor ortho attending who had been sent to deal with Tim, ignoring as he called after her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was halfway down the corridor when her dad caught up to her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona, you can’t just walk away from Tim now. He’s in a bad place. You can’t let him push you away.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dad, you need to go back in there. He needs to have the amputation. If he won’t listen to me, fine, but he needs to have it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened? You two seemed fine yesterday.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nick. He asked and I told him about Nick. He thinks I gave up on Nick. It’s my fault that Nick waited so long, but I wasn’t in any place to help anyone after the crash.” Her dad pulled her into a tight hug, her face pressing into his shoulder. She inhaled his familiar smell of sawdust and leather and clean soap. Choking back a sob, she murmured into his shoulder, “I’m sorry, this is all too much. I… I can’t. I can’t drag Callie and Sofia back into this. I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shh, Arizona, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He gently ran a hand down the back of her head. “Tim’s in a dark place and he’s lashing out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um,” she hiccupped, pulling back from her dad, “I really, I should go. You need to help Tim. I’ll be okay. Uh, you or Mom should stay with Tim tonight. He doesn’t, he doesn’t like the dark and the quiet. I should really get going, uh, and find Sofia and...yeah, I’ll see you later.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before he could protest, Arizona stepped away from him, practically running down the hallway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was being a coward, she knew that. But she couldn’t relive all of this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona gasped for breath as she stopped outside the cafeteria, trying to at least look like she had some semblance of control. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona? Are you okay?” April asked softly, touching her back gently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona turned to face her, thankful it had been April, not anyone else who had approached her. “I...yeah, sorry, my brother’s having a tough time of it. He’s lashing out and I know he doesn’t mean it. But, but…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one knows how to cut at you like your siblings?” She supplied, eyes twinkling. “I love my sisters, but they can say things,” April laughed, “they can be brutal. Tim will get to a better place. He’s just having a bad day.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, April.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you having lunch with Callie and Sofia?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe, I don’t know. I shouldn’t have come down here. I just… after everything with Tim, I wanted to be with Sofia, but Callie has her right now since she’s staying in a hotel. My life is such a mess,” she groaned, pressing a hand to her forehead. “And I’ve got two surgeries and a consultation tomorrow. My schedule’s a mess.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>April rubbed her back gently. “You’ll be okay, Arizona. I know you will be. This is just a trying time. But you have your little girl back and your brother, he’ll come around.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s me. He’s me five years ago. He’s me yelling at Callie and saying awful things,” Arizona muttered, almost more to herself than April. April offered a kind smile. “Sorry, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anytime you want to talk, I’m here for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, April. I won’t keep you from lunch.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you don’t want to join me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona shook her head. “No, no, I’m just going to go back to my office and prep for tomorrow. It’s Callie’s time with Sofia. Sofia, she was so excited to see Callie this morning. It’s only been a day and already she misses her. I don’t know what I’m going to do when Callie’s in New York, Sofia’ll be heartbroken. Maybe I’m being selfish to have her come back here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have all summer to sort this out. And it’ll be easier for Callie to come here, won’t it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose.” She waved April off. “You should go eat. We’ll do drinks or dinner or something and catch up soon, yeah?” April cheerfully agreed before heading into the cafeteria. Arizona took the opportunity to retreat to her office, burying herself in work. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Surrounded by scans and articles and Herman’s notes and her own notes, Arizona could forget about the hatred in her brother’s eyes. She could forget that he thinks she basically killed his best friend. She could forget that someone was telling her brother he would have to lose his leg. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Callie Torres [1:58 PM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>Where are you? Sofia and I are done eating.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Arizona Robbins [2:06 PM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>In my office. How was lunch?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Callie Torres [2:07 PM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>I’ll send Sofia up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona leant back in her chair, groaning as her back cracked. And now, Callie was upset with her. She really never won these days, did she? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She jotted down a few more notes as she waited for Sofia. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi Mommy!” Sofia burst into the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She grinned up at her, her daughter never failing to cheer her up. “Hey, Sof, how was lunch with your mama?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia crawled up into one of the chairs across from Arizona, propping herself up on Arizona’s desk. “So good, Mommy. We had soup and Mama had a salad, but I thought it was gross ‘cause there were tomatoes. Like whole tomatoes, ew!” Sofia screwed up her face. The familiarity of that face tugged at Arizona. It was the same face Callie had made when Arizona tried to bake the pies for Thanksgiving one year and forgot to add sugar. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And let me guess, you also had pudding?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Mommy,” replied Sofia, rolling her eyes playfully. “‘spital pudding is the best pudding.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s cause it has special powers to help all the sick tiny humans.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you doctoring today, Mommy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona gathered her notes carefully, setting aside some for her resident to look over. “Nope, I’m all done for the day, Sof.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aw,” Sofia pouted, “I wanted to doctor with you. Do you have my doctor jacket?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yup, it’s just over in my closet. But why don’t we leave it here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So I can doctor tomorrow?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona laughed, “Sure, for a little bit, but then maybe you can see Zola, since she won’t be in school.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia cheered at the thought of seeing her best friend. “Yes, please, Mommy. I really wanna see Zola. It’s been a million years.” Arizona slung her bag over her shoulder and joined Sofia on the other side of the desk. She offered a hand, which Sofia eagerly took. “And can I have lunch again with Mama? Or can she come over for dinner?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can ask her about lunch, okay? But she might need to work.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can also help Mama with doctoring. She never let me go to the hospital in New York. She said all her surg’ries were lame and not badass, oops, Mama said not to say that,” Sofia giggled, running ahead to press the button. Arizona shook her head fondly. It wasn’t as if Sofia would never hear the word badass, it was Callie’s go-to self-descriptor. Or at least it had been. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia’s comment about the hospital was interesting though. Callie mentioned in passing the other day that she only got routine surgeries. Callie was one of the most innovative surgeons Arizona had ever met and she had so much talent. And yet, she was just doing basic surgeries, not rebuilding people and doing her artistry. The petty part of Arizona briefly reared its head that Callie had downgraded professionally because of Penny. But the rest of her just felt bad for Callie that she was so stagnant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they waited for the elevator, someone joined them. Arizona glanced up from her chattering daughter who was regaling her of stories about the ducks in Central Park. She did a double-take at the woman from earlier.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We meet again,” the woman said in greeting, her accent still just as intriguing. “I don’t think I caught your name before.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dr Arizona Robbins.” She offered her free hand for a handshake. The other woman took it eagerly, her fingers long and delicate. Definitely surgeon’s hands. “And you are?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dr Carina-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mommy, the elevator’s here!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Indoor voices, little miss. You don’t want Uncle Alex to get mad at you for waking the tiny humans,” she half-scolded, half-teased. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia’s face became incredibly serious, somehow looking very much like her father. “Oh no, I don’t want Dr Uncle Alex mad.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona ushered Sofia onto the elevator, the woman, Carina, following them. “Go ahead and press the button, Sofia.” Sofia darted forward, her dark hair fanning out behind her. “So, what brings you to my floor?” Arizona asked conversationally. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your floor?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yep, my floor.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mommy’s in charge of the tiny humans and tiny babies. She’s like really awesome,” chimed in Sofia, now hanging off one of Arizona’s arms. A flicker of irritation passed over Carina’s face at Sofia inserting herself in the conversation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, really? The tiny babies? Are you an OB?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, maternal-fetal.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, of course,” hummed Carina, a slight smile pulling at her mouth. “I’m trained as an OB, but my primary focus is my research.” The doors slid open, revealing Callie holding a tray of coffees. Carina stepped past her, turning back to say, “I’m sure I’ll see you around, Dr Robbins.” She flashed a bright smile at Arizona before the doors closed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mama!” Sofia yelled, detaching from Arizona to hug Callie’s waist. “I thought I wasn’t seeing you until tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Sof, Dr Robbins,” she said, raising an eyebrow at Arizona. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona tightened her grip on her bag. She really was starting to hate these elevators. “New OB researcher,” she explained quickly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mama, Mama, can I have lunch with you tomorrow?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie dropped Arizona’s gaze, focusing on the little girl wrapped around her waist. “Sure, if that’s okay with Mommy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, I have a few surgeries tomorrow and I ended up moving my call to tomorrow, but I was going to see if Sofia and Zola could hang out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So we can have lunch, Mommy? We never had lunch in New York.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie shifted, looking mildly uncomfortable. “Well, your school and the hospital weren’t very close, Sof. But yes, I would love to have lunch tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Will you come too, Mommy?” She stared up at Arizona with those perfect brown eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I can’t tomorrow, Sof. I’ve got to help the tiny babies. But some other time?” She offered, sparing a look towards Callie, who remained impassive. She couldn’t figure Callie out. Sometimes, like this morning, she was almost friendly. Other times, she was cold and unfeeling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Mommy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The three of them stepped off the elevator into the lobby. For half a moment, Arizona wanted to pretend that they were just a normal family without amputations and cheating and plane crashes and everything else. But that was just wistful, impossible thinking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can we go see the fishes, Mommy?” Sofia asked as they walked towards the door, Callie still with them as Sofia hadn’t let go of her hand yet. “Please? ‘Specally the otters?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure, Sof.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The three of them paused right outside the doors while Sofia pulled on her jacket. “Mama, you coming too?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Er, no, I’ve got to stay at work.” Sofia pouted a bit, but didn’t argue. “Is Winston already finished with er, your brother?” Callie dropped her voice to a whisper so Sofia wouldn’t overhear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No idea,” Arizona bit out, “Tim kicked me out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it, Callie. Really, Tim’s just in a mood. It’s fine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, whatever you say.” Callie held up her hands, palms out. “I’m just surprised is all.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona tucked her hair back behind her ear. “I told him about Nick,” she admitted quietly, letting Sofia twine their fingers together. “He… uh… didn’t take it well.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Warring emotions of pity and old frustration appeared on Callie’s face. “I didn’t even think about that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He, yeah, so the combo of the Nick thing and the leg, he’s not my biggest fan.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow, that’s familiar,” Callie blurted out, immediately pressing a hand to her mouth as if to take back the words. “Ah, Arizona, I-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, that’s fair.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mommy, can we go, please?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In a minute, Sof, Mama and I are speaking.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, you guys should go. I was actually supposed to be heading up to see Jackson, but got sidetracked.” Callie lifted the coffees sheepishly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay, Miss Sof?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia pouted for a moment before nodding. “Okay, Mama. One more hug?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Always, c’mere.” Callie wrapped Sofia in a tight one-armed hug before stepping away from them. “I can’t wait to hear all about the fish and otters tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Arizona led Sofia towards the parking lot, she couldn’t help but feel they were missing someone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...okay, thanks, Addison, for doing this. I really appreciate it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Of course, Arizona, I’m happy to help. The Freedmans are lovely, but very nervous, aren’t they?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Addison laughed lightly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Gabby’s always been a bit jumpy, but considering what she survived as a kid, it’s understandable.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well, no need to worry about them, they’re in good hands. Oh, and Arizona, if you have a chance to take a look at that article draft in the next few weeks, I’d owe you.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> There were a few loud voices on the other end, practically talking over Addison. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, it might not be this week, but next. I should let you go.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thanks again! Sorry, Henry’s decided he’d like lunch now. Speak soon, take care of yourself, Robbins.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona smiled as she rounded the corner, “You too, Montgomery.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With her and Addison being the only two fetal surgeons on the west coast, in the past year or so, they had taken to consulting frequently and sharing patients back and forth based on location. Gabby Freedman had been one of Arizona’s patients back at Hopkins; when Gabby was 13, the donor heart she had received a few years earlier had started to fail, and Arizona had spent weeks and months with her and her family. So when Gabby sent her an email with concerns about her pregnancy, Arizona had been more than happy to refer her to Addison who was far closer from Sacramento. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was that Addison?” A voice asked right behind her, causing Arizona to yelp and flinch wildly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Geez, don’t do that, Grey. But, yes, I had referred an old patient of mine to Addison and we were just going over her scans.” Arizona slipped her phone into her pocket. “Wait, why are you lingering out here? Are people having sex in there again? Is it Karev?” Arizona craned her neck to look into the lounge, but only Callie was in there, pacing and waving her hands around. “Who’s she talking to?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s Penny,” Meredith whispered conspiratorially, her eyes focused on what looked to be a pamphlet on dealing with hearing loss in senior citizens. “She’s been in there for a while. Are they broken up?” Meredith asked, leaning closer to better hear Callie. Arizona shrugged a shoulder. It wasn’t like she and Callie just casually chatted. “Huh, interesting.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you two talked regularly?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meredith shook her head, a frown pulling at her lips. “Not for a while now. I think she was embarrassed.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Embarrassed?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d be embarrassed if I chased a mediocre resident across the country and had to just do appies all day or whatever the ortho equivalent is.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you didn’t mind Penny.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mind Penny. I just wouldn’t move across the country for her. She’s no Arizona Robbins,” Meredith added with a wink. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you two doing lurking in the hallway?” Callie barked, arms folded over her chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona held her hands up in innocence. “I just got here. Are you okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” Callie replied snippily. “So what, you two just hang out in the hallway outside rather than coming in?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want to interrupt,” said Meredith, slipping past Callie into the lounge. “Anyone else want a coffee?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, please,” called Arizona, following Meredith in, ignoring that she could smell Callie’s distinct jasmine perfume as she passed. “Wait, did Maggie take Sofia and the kids already?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, is that okay? She and Jackson are being weird, so she’s avoiding him and everyone and Riggs. It’s a whole thing,” Meredith laughed as she turned back to face Callie and Arizona. “How’s Addison?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, she’s-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Both Callie and Arizona started speaking at the same time, both blushing and turning to each other. Meredith glanced between the two of them, an amused glint in her eyes. “I haven’t spoken to Addison in ages. I really should call her,” Callie mused, taking the seat opposite Arizona. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona was just on the phone with her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were?” Callie fixed her with an odd look, filled with confusion and almost, maybe jealousy. “Why? I didn’t think you two knew each other, like at all.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean, she did deliver Sofia for starters. But fetal surgery is a small field and Addison and I are the only ones on the west coast. We consult and compare notes probably once a month or so. I just referred a patient to her, that’s all. We published a journal article together, hm, in February I think.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You did? How did I not hear about this? How come you didn’t tell me you and Addison were so,” Callie paused, searching for the right word, “chummy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Chummy?” Meredith echoed, watching amusedly from the counter as she sipped her coffee. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona fought the urge to roll her eyes as she said, “Well, you and I haven’t really spoken much beyond our daughter in the past year. I can’t speak for Addison though.” Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Arizona glanced at it, stifled a laugh and then set it on the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess Addison did mention something a few months back about working with you, I guess I just didn’t realize how much you guys were working together….” Callie trailed off, clearly put off by her ex-wife and close friend working together. It wasn’t as if Arizona had many options. Addison was top of the field and Arizona had all of Herman’s information so together they could do a lot. “Well, I mean that’s good, I suppose.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We both can publish more between the two of us and it’s nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of.” Arizona’s phone buzzed again, but she ignored it. She knew who it was and there was no point in responding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, good.” Callie scratched at her nose as she tried to think of something further to say about Addison. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona broke the silence after a few more minutes. “Callie, coffee?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, sure.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meredith and Arizona swapped so Arizona could grab two cups. Almost without thinking, Arizona added one sugar and enough cream to lighten the coffee a shade, just how Callie liked it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she added two sugars and a dash of cream to her own, her phone went off again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Geez, Robbins, hot date?” Meredith teased, grabbing her phone. Arizona handed Callie her cup, even as Callie’s mouth dropped into a scowl. “Oh, it’s Cristina. She says to check your email. Here, check your email. Maybe she’s back on her cat video kick.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I mean-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Open your email, Arizona. I’m bored, Bailey stole my surgery because she was bored. It’s a boring day.” Meredith waved at Arizona. “And I haven’t heard from Cristina in a few days.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine, fine.” She quickly opened her email and chuckled. “It’s the same thing she always emails me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you and Yang have in common? I mean no offence, but she’s all </span>
  <em>
    <span>frowny</span>
  </em>
  <span> or was it edgy?” Callie asked, her scowl transforming in a half-smile as she referenced Arizona’s bumbling attempts to redecorate Callie and then Cristina’s apartment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona set her phone back down. “She’s on this kick about tiny baby hearts and their hardcoreness after she had a preemie she worked on a couple months ago-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah, I remember that one!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“-so every so often, she sends me job offers or speaking engagements so she can have a fetal surgeon to work on a tiny baby heart project with. Last one, she promised me an endless supply of Swiss chocolate,” Meredith and Arizona both laughed at that, but Callie’s smile had disappeared. “Although I have to say, the money she’s offering is almost tempting.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re moving to Switzerland?” Callie asked, her voice back to that increasingly familiar cold tone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I am not moving to Switzerland, Callio-Callie.” Arizona leaned back in her chair, folding her arms over her chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meredith pulled out her silent pager. “Oh, I’ve gotta run. Call Maggie when you wanna pick up Sofia.” Meredith hurried out of the room, clearly reading the increasing tension between the ex-wives. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you actually kidding me, Arizona?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I literally just said I’m not moving to Switzerland,” Arizona snapped back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why is Cristina still sending you job offers? She wouldn’t be if it wasn’t a slight possibility. What, you’re just going to take Sofia to Europe. And what, I’ll never see her again. Benefits of having full custody, you can just run off whenever you want. Just great, Arizona.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, you are blowing this way-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I won’t let you!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Callie!” She all but yelled, still aware that they were in the middle of the hospital. “Calm down.” Callie paused in her ranting enough for Arizona to continue, “It’s mainly a joke. Sure, it’d be cool to go and work there or even just do a surgery or two. But I don’t think I could even deal with the half-day of travel yet. And anyway, I’d never move Sofia across the world-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that a dig at me? Mature, Arizona, real mature.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would never move Sofia across the world,” Arizona repeated, “without you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Without me?” Callie’s anger partially melted away. “Arizona, what…?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona smiled sadly at Callie, hating that Callie still had so much power over her. “I don’t think Sofia could exist that far away from you. She’s always looking for you, remember?” Arizona ached for those days, even all of the fear and angst they’d lived through, it was a happy time. “Callie, I know we have communication problems. We’ve barely spoken in a year and even then, it’s problematic. I don’t know what needs to change, but something has to change.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Callie groaned, burying her face in her hands. “I don’t know how to talk to you anymore, Arizona.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We managed for a while, didn’t we?” Arizona offered weakly, thinking back to a sliver of time before Penny where she had held onto a foolish hope that maybe Callie would change her mind. That Callie might regret walking out of that room. But then Penny and Callie was happy and Arizona knew that while Callie made her happy and whole, she didn’t do anything but drag Callie down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Callie scoffed, “I guess.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just saying for Sofia’s sake, we need to… we need to talk. And you need to stop leaping to conclusions and let me finish a sentence.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you need to actually say what you’re thinking,” Callie shot back, her words seeming more loaded than they should. She couldn’t have heard what Arizona said to Tim a few days ago, right? Arizona pushed that errant thought away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try my best. I’m just… I’m so tired of arguing with you, Callie.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Same.” Callie met her gaze, her brown eyes drawing Arizona back in. “I… I should head back to the lab. It’s a total mess and I need to make some cartilage.” Callie’s lab used to be one of her favourite places in the hospital. Now, she just avoided it at all costs. “Bailey said that Minnick chick was letting interns use it. Which is insane, by the way. Is it weird if I ask what the deal with you two was? ‘Cause I’ve been on some uncomfortable elevators, and that ranked up there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona ran her finger around the rim of her coffee cup. “Uh, that was her dumping me by telling me she was just leaving. Totally humiliating on all fronts. Everyone hated her. Richard stopped speaking to me at one point. It really wasn’t very serious.” Arizona wasn’t sure what she was expecting from Callie: amusement or pity or something else entirely. Turned out, it was something else entirely. She almost seemed relieved. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh, is that a thing nowadays? Just leaving as a way of breaking up?” Arizona reminded herself not to read too much into Callie’s question. Callie wouldn’t just up and leave Penny. Except for the period after Arizona’s indiscretion, she and Callie had always been very clear in their many, many breakups. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess? I think you’re not supposed to run into them in the elevator with their ex-wife.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie laughed, “Yeah, not ideal for sure. Can we talk about Sofia’s schedule? I know that it’s your time and technically you don’t need to give me time-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Callie, Callie, breathe, we can talk about Sofia’s schedule.” Callie let out a long breath of relief. She wasn’t sure if she should be offended or not that Callie thought she wouldn’t let her see Sofia. That was never what Arizona wanted. “Are you still staying at the Archfield? Have you maybe looked at AirBnbs or something? I’m just not crazy about Sofia living in hotels a few days a week. She’ll never come back to mine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I spent a lot of time in hotels as a kid.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And your dad’s house looks, well, kinda like a hotel, while my house looks like a house.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough,” Callie said, rolling her eyes, “Um, but actually, I have a place already sorted I think.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona arched an eyebrow at that. “Are you moving into Meredith’s or something?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, no, actually, I found a place available in our old building,” Callie said sheepishly. “And by found, I mean, I’ve already got it.” Arizona did appreciate Callie’s impulsivity at times. “It’s two floors up and it’s a bit bigger. Like if you combined our place and Mark’s. It’s a three-bedroom. So Sofia can have her own room and I can have an office. It’s really nice. Wood floors and that exposed brick you know. It’s nice. And such a good location-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, you don’t have to sell me on it, Callie.” She held up a hand before Callie fully spiralled into babbling. “I suppose we lived like that with Mark when Sofia was born and Mark didn’t understand what doors were supposed to do,” she commented, remembering how many times Mark had interrupted. Mark would’ve killed them for everything that went on in the past few years. It was actually pretty good evidence against ghosts because if Mark were a ghost, he would’ve haunted the crap out of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you’re right. So do you just want to have our old schedule? You know, before, the, uh-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she said, putting Callie out of her misery. She and Callie would have to speak about the custody issue at some point. But Arizona didn’t have it in her with everything going on with Tim. “Has Tim said anything yet about his leg, do you know?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie’s brow furrowed. “What… are, have you not seen him today?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona’s chin dropped to her chest. “My mom thought it would be better to give him a day. He had his first appointment with a psychologist today. Hopefully, that’ll help. It helped me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie reached across the table for her hand but froze before their hands actually touched. Arizona stared down at their fingers, only centimetres apart. “You seem like you’re doing better, really, Arizona. You seem happy. Are you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona wanted to say yes. A firm, confident yes. She wanted to prove to Callie that she was rising above it all, that she wasn’t still hung up on Callie. She was going to say yes, but then she opened her mouth and said, “No.” Callie’s face crumpled and she started to speak, “Not yet.” She added quickly, “Someday, Callie, I will be.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie looked thoroughly unconvinced and even guilty. “Arizona-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should go, Callie. Can you keep me posted about where you are with Tim’s surgeries?” She stood quickly to her feet, desperate to leave before she said something she’d regret. Without a second glance, she all but ran out of the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona fell back onto her couch, wine glass carefully cradled in one hand, a box of memories and pictures at her feet. She removed her leg then pulled a throw blanket over herself. Everything just felt too much tonight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just as she pulled the box into her lap, tiny footsteps echoed down the staircase. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sofia? Sofia, baby, are you up?” She called, reaching for her leg. But before she could start putting it back on, Sofia appeared, wrapped in the quilt her grandmother had knitted for her when she was born. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mommy, I’m scared. You weren’t in your room.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“C’mere, Sof, come cuddle.” Sofia launched herself across the room. Arizona only managed to set her glass down before Sofia landed half on top of her. “Oof, you’re getting so big,” Arizona wheezed out, thanks to Sofia’s elbow in her gut. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatcha doing, Mommy?” Sofia asked once she was situation half on top of Arizona, buried under both blankets. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was just looking at some old photos. Do you wanna see?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“From when you were little?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, and there’s some of you when you were little.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not little!” Sofia protested, twisting so she could stick her tongue out at her mom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona poked her belly. “You used to fit in the palm of my hand you were so tiny!” Arizona opened the box of photos, pulling one of Sofia as a baby out. “See?” Sofia took the photo and stared at it with wide eyes. Arizona checked the back of the photo for the date. “That was taken the day after you were born.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I look like a chicken!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona nearly snorted her wine out. “Did your godmother tell you that?” Sofia shook her head quickly. “Huh, maybe you did look like a chicken.” Arizona squinted at the photo for a moment. “You were the toughest baby in the NICU. Even if you were the tiniest.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh-huh, you and your mama were so strong.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia reached down and pulled out a white envelope. “What’s in here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I dunno, you can open it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia eagerly opened it, pulling out a stack of photos from what must have been like the first few months of their relationship because they didn’t even have their necklaces yet. Sofia sorted through them quietly, occasionally pausing on one or the other. She pulled one out, a picture of Arizona alone looking out over the deck of a ferry. “You look really pretty, Mommy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona examined the photo Sofia held. It had been the first anniversary of Tim’s death with Callie and Callie hadn’t mentioned anything about it, just planned a full day out at Bainbridge Island. It was probably the first year she hadn’t just gotten blackout drunk and passed out after watching Tim’s favourite movies. She didn’t look miserable in the photo, maybe just melancholic. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Sof.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia pulled another photo out of the box, this time of Callie, Arizona and herself on her first birthday. She gently traced over their faces, a sort of quiet reverence on her young face. “Were you and Mama happy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You and Mama look happy. Now you guys aren’t happy. You told me, you said that Mama would be happy in New York. But she’s not. And I don’t think you’re very happy either, Mommy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you even talking about, you silly goose? I’m the happiest Mommy in the world with you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia fussed with the edges of the picture. She and Callie did look so happy in that photo. To think, only a few weeks later everything would be completely ruined. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You and Mama do the same thing. You smile and are really happy with me. But when you think I’m not payin’ attention, you look… you look quiet.” Arizona’s heart was slowly shattering to pieces. How could she and Callie do this to Sofia? “You made me go to New York and leave you and Zola and everyone so Mama would be happy. And I tried really hard to make Mama happy. But I don’t think I was very good at it,” Sofia admitted, still staring intently at their frozen, smiling faces.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sof, no, you make your Mama so happy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia shrugged one shoulder before snuggling more into Arizona’s side. “I dunno. I think she’s sad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Arizona could reassure Sofia that she was perfect and never made either of her moms sad, the doorbell rang. Sofia started to get up, but Arizona pushed her down, reaching for her leg. “You stay put. It’s probably just Nana or Pops,” even though it probably wasn’t. Nothing good ever came from doorbells at 1 in the morning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona wrenched the door open, ready to give whichever one of her neighbours was bothering her a piece of her mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Calliope?” she blurted out, her mental filter failing her with the late hour. “Uh, I mean, Callie, what, what’re you doing here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She pushed damp hair away from her face, a sheepish smile on her face. “Sofia doesn’t like thunderstorms.” There was a silent </span>
  <em>
    <span>you don’t like thunderstorms anymore</span>
  </em>
  <span> in her voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Arizona nodded, still holding on to the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mama, what’re you doing here?” Sofia asked from down the hall, peering out around a wall. Arizona stepped aside to let Callie in. “Did the storm scare you too?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Sof,” she called back, peeling off her dripping jacket. “I’m sorry, I should’ve called or something. I just…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stay, it’s fine.” Arizona ducked into the kitchen to grab Callie a towel. She didn’t want to have to listen to Callie complain about her hair if it got too frizzy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mama, we’re looking at Mommy’s old pictures. I wanna find one of her when she was my age.” Sofia pulled Callie into the living room where they had been cuddling. Arizona joined them with a towel and a glass of red wine. “Mama, were you ever this small?” Sofia asked, brandishing the NICU photo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie cradled the photo carefully. She never saw Sofia when she was that small. No one other than Arizona and Alex even held her when she was that small. “Sure, but I was still in my mom’s tummy. You were a bit early.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I musta really wanted to meet you and Mommy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And Daddy,” Arizona added, taking back her spot on the couch. Sofia wiggled back on the couch with her mothers pressed on opposite ends as far away as possible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie’s head snapped up to look at Arizona, her mouth hanging slightly open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, and Daddy,” Sofia amended, her cheeks flushing a bit pink that she hadn’t said it at first. “Mommy said I fit in the palm of her hand and Mommy’s hands are smaller than yours, Mama. I checked.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Both her mothers chuckled at that. Callie briefly scanned through the stack Sofia had picked up earlier as she chewed on her bottom lip. Even in workout clothes with her hair wrapped in a kitchen towel, framed by the soft lamplight, Callie was breathtaking. But then Callie tossed the folder back into the pile, and the moment was over. “I thought you said we were looking at pictures of Mommy was she was small, Sof,” Callie teased, nudging their daughter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia scrambled off the couch and basically dumped the box out on the rug. Arizona winced slightly, but let Sofia sort through them. She chose to ignore Callie nudging the folder she knew had their wedding photos out of Sofia’s eye line. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia held up a yellowing folder. “This looks ancient!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did she just call me ancient?” Arizona groaned, holding out a hand for the folder. “Let’s see here. Yup, you’ll like these ones.” She handed them back to Sofia, who climbed back up between them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That is a very high pony you’ve got there. And wow, are those butterfly clips, Arizona? You always liked butterflies,” Callie teased as she pointed out Arizona’s many early-90s fashion choices. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, be quiet. You’re just smug because these aren’t your photos.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mommy, why are you in such a fancy dress?” Sofia waved a photo in front of Arizona’s nose, barely letting her see it before Callie grabbed it. “Mama!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie positively cackled, “These are prom photos. How have I never seen these before?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona buried her face in Sofia’s hair to hide her burning cheeks. “Because I thought I got rid of them all.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your dress, it’s so sparkly and pink.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think you look like Cinderella, Mommy,” Sofia said, stealing the photos back. “Who’s that?” She jabbed at the gangly teenager next to her. “He’s tall.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was he your boyfriend?” Callie asked, winking over Sofia’s head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was Matt. He was very sweet. But I was dating his sister who was a freshman at UVA, but I wasn’t really out at school or with my parents. We were science partners.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like me and Zola?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Exactly, goose. Now, why don’t you find some more photos that aren’t of me in high school?” Arizona tried to nudge Sofia back into the photos, but Sofia was determined. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She continued to shuffle through the photos, her and Callie occasionally making snarky comments about her hair or her clothes. “Wait, Mommy, you played soccer?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yep, that was when we were in Germany I think.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you teach me? Zola said she’s playing this summer and I really liked it last year. Can I play too? Please,” she implored both her mothers, twisting back and forth between them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine with me,” Callie said with a shrug, “But don’t blame me if you have no athleticism. My skills aren’t necessarily sports-based.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona choked on her wine but nodded through it. “Sure, I’ll have Aunt Mer send me the info.” Sofia pulled out another photo, this time of Arizona sleeping in a hospital bed, demanding an explanation. “Oh, yeah, that’s when I hurt my knee really bad playing soccer. I had to have surgery.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“D’you have scars like mine from sur’rey?” Sofia asked, brandishing towards her chest where tiny marks from her birth were barely visible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona flushed, then shook her head. “Not anymore.” Callie stared resolutely ahead. “Y’know, Sof, I think there’s some pictures over there that you’d like. Yeah, the ones with a rubber band.” Sofia abandoned her high school pictures for the other ones. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mommy, you look so small,” cheered Sofia. “Who’s Zozo and Mimi?” Sofia asked, motioning to the small letters on the border of a picture of a toddler Arizona holding a newborn Tim, both half sprawled across a bed with garish floral sheets. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who do you think?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you Zozo, Mommy?” Sofia asked, clearly thrilled by the prospect. “Can I call you Zozo? It kinda sounds like Zola.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you cannot, little miss.” Arizona poked at her stomach until she started giggling. “Only three people have ever called me Zozo, Nana, Pops and your Uncle Tim.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Karev called you Zozo like two days ago,” Callie pointed out, sipping at her wine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona shot her a glare. “And I will get him back for that sooner rather than later.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But that’s not your name.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, but when I was really little, I couldn’t say my full name, so all I could say was Zozo. Like how when you were little, you sometimes only said ‘Fia.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who’s Mimi? It sounds like a girl’s name.” As Sofia asked her questions, she crawled into Arizona’s lap, her little eyes starting to drift close. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona threaded her fingers through Sofia’s soft hair. “I also couldn’t say Tim, so when he was born, I called him Mimi and Nana thought it was funny so she wrote it down.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia let out a big yawn before saying, “Am I too big to have a sibling like you or Zola, Mommy? ‘Cause you look really small. But it’d be nice. I want a sister. Not a brother. I don’t like boys very much.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank god,” Callie muttered, watching as Sofia started to drift off before either of them could answer that intentionally, incredibly painful question. Callie yawned, curling more into the sofa, their legs pressing against each other in the centre. “Thanks for letting me see her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm, sure, Calliope.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why were you-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you happ-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You go first, Arizona.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona took a minute before she gathered the courage to ask, “Are you happy in New York? Because Sofia was worried you aren’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie didn’t speak for a long time, just absently drew circles in the fabric of the couch. Arizona had almost drifted off when she heard Callie whisper, “It wasn’t home.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona tried to keep her eyes open so she could ask Callie what she meant by that, but she was fighting a losing battle between her general exhaustion, the warm, comfortable weight of Sofia on her and the faint smell of Callie’s perfume. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could’ve sworn she fell asleep with a smile.      </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for all the comments ! they're lovely ! </p><p>this was originally very fluffy and happy but instead you get sadness and arguments and maybe the start of callie's problems </p><p>much love xx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>**21/02/21 UPDATE** if you read the original version of this chapter, please note that it has been changed. if you don't want to re-read the entire chapter, the changes start after "Tim was only going to have one leg."</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The telltale click of a camera woke Arizona. She jerked slightly, but stopped herself from sitting fully up when she noticed Sofia’s weight on her. Arizona slowly blinked her eyes open, noticing a weight on her leg. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother was standing over her, phone in hand and a delighted smile. Arizona frowned up at her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wha...what’re you doing?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You three just look so cute,” her mom whispered, waving at the couch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Three?” mumbled Arizona before she looked past Sofia to find Callie on the other end of the sofa, their legs tangled together. A strange sort of panic and dread settling in her stomach, Arizona manoeuvred Sofia off of her so the little girl was curled up with Callie. Both were heavy sleepers at the best of times, so she was sure they wouldn’t wake with just a bit of movement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hastily pulling on her leg, she motioned for her mother to follow her into the kitchen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So,” her mother began as she poured some coffee for them both, “Callie slept over.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not like that,” Arizona hissed, mindful of her volume, “That storm last night really freaked Sofia out and Callie was worried that Sofia would be having a tough time so she came to see her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you all just snuggled up on the couch?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona groaned, sinking down onto a chair. “I… yeah, I don’t know. Can we please not talk about this?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother passed her a cup of coffee, a noticeable frown on her mother’s normally smiling face. “I think we should.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mom.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona, I don’t want to see you get hurt anymore. You have been through so much and you are so strong, but…. Tell me, if you let Callie back into your life in a capacity beyond Sofia’s mother, beyond just a co-parent, and she leaves again or it’s not what you want from her, do you think you can recover? Do you think your heart can recover?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona stared down at her coffee as if it might divine the answers to her mother’s probing. “I… I don’t think it ever recovered.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The divorce?” Her mother asked, joining her at the table so she could rest a warm hand on Arizona’s face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, the, the divorce was devastating, of course. But watching Callio-” She caught herself. She hadn’t had a slip up with Callie’s name in years, and now, with her back, they just kept happening. She wasn’t her Calliope anymore. She was Penny’s Calliope. Arizona swallowed back the lump in her throat. “I can’t watch her be in love with someone else.” She let out a wet chuckle, tears threatening to fall. “I...I was almost glad she was going to New York for a moment before she wanted to take Sofia. Because at least if she was in New York, I didn’t have to watch her falling in love, falling in love in the same places we fell in love.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh sweetheart,” her mother cooed as she brushed a stray tear from her cheekbone. Arizona leaned into her mom’s touch, the contact soothing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona blinked rapidly before more tears could fall. “I’m sorry, I’m being overly dramatic, emotional, whatever. I don’t have any right to feel this way. I, I need to get ready for work. I have a mom coming in for a check-up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh hush, Arizona. You have every right to feel this way.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t though,” she hissed, frustration bubbling over, “I don’t have any right to feel this way about her. She has made it very clear where she stands and God, Mom, I know I broke her. I am responsible for everything. It’s my fault, so I don’t get to resent her for moving on. I don’t get to be jealous that Sofia spent more time with, with,” she couldn’t even bring herself to say Penny’s name at this point, “with some other woman. Because I did this. I made the worst decision in the world and while she may claim to forgive me for it, I never can. So, really, it’s fine. If Callie and I getting along will be what’s best for Sofia, then I can make it work. I can be okay.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother frowned, concern clear in her eyes. “Arizona, I know your father, bless him, has always told you to be strong, to honour your obligations, to protect the things you love. And you are the wonderful person you are today in part because of that. But sometimes, it is okay to look out for yourself. To protect your heart.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona shook her head quickly, pulling away from her mother’s touch. “I...I… as long as Callie and Sofia are happy and healthy and safe, that’s all that matters.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You matter, Arizona Elizabeth. You matter. Not everything is your fault. You shoulder the blame, the responsibility for the world sometimes. You always have. You protected your brother and took the blame for him at every chance when you were kids. Even now, you are letting him lash out and blame you for something that is well beyond your control.” Arizona flinched at that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Tim is in a bad place and he needs to lash out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But it’s hurting you too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. It’s nothing I can’t take.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother smiled sadly and shook her head. “You shouldn’t have to, Arizona. This is all getting to you. I can see it in your eyes. You look so much like your father sometimes. He had the same look in his eyes when I was pregnant, he couldn’t stop reliving the war and it was slowly killing him. I see it in Tim’s eyes too. He’s angry at the world and he knows you’re safe, he knows you’ll always love him no matter what. But in your eyes, it’s grief and guilt and so much pain. I’m worried, Arizona. You’ve been doing so well lately.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mom, really,” Arizona started, standing to her feet quickly, ignoring the minor wobble, “it’s fine,” she echoed, “consider it penance or whatever. I, uh, I should get ready.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother looked aghast at her words but chose wisely not to push her on it. “Do you want me to take Sofia? We could go for some shopping or something. Your father’s still at the hospital.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona paused in the doorway, looking out into the living room where Sofia and Callie were cuddled up. This should’ve been her life. In another universe, one without plane crashes and missing legs and all the rest of it, this was her life. Sleepy family mornings after storms that they had cuddled up during. Her being able to watch her girls as she made breakfast, the way they both wrinkled their nose when they slept or how their nearly identical hair spread out. But that wasn’t her life. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, sure, I’m sure she’d love that. But please, don’t spoil her too much.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are grandmothers for, Zozo?” Her mother said, her tone deliberately gentle as she watched her daughter watch her own child and the love of her life. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona tried to just wake Sofia, but the way she and Callie had tangled together made it impossible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia let out an adorable whimper, immediately rubbing her eyes as she yawned. “Mommy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, baby girl, do you want to spend the day with Nana? I bet she’d even take you out for pancakes.” Sofia nodded eagerly. “Okay, why don’t you go pick out some clothes? Nana’s just in the kitchen if you want to say good morning.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Sofia leapt off of Callie, she kicked her in the stomach, causing her mother to grumble. Sofia chattered happily with her grandmother as they headed upstairs to get her ready for the day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wan’ pancakes too,” Callie grumbled, her face half pressed into the pillow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Feel free to go with my mom and Sof then,” Arizona said, still leaning over Callie. She knew she should stop. She should walk away. But, but part of her feared that she’d never see early morning, kinda grumpy Callie again, so she’d take the chance. The last time she had seen Callie in the early morning, she had thought their marriage was back on track, that they had been saved. Little did she know what was to come. Suppressing those aching memories, she said quietly, “Callie, you should get up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“‘rizona?” she mumbled, cracking one eye open. Callie lifted one hand to caress her cheek, shocking Arizona. But Arizona couldn’t pull away. “What… where am I?” Callie pulled her hand back as if she had been burned and Arizona could’ve sworn another tiny piece of her heart shattered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona straightened up quickly, taking a step back from Callie. As if she still couldn’t feel the warmth from Callie’s palm on her cheek, it burned like a brand. “You’re on my couch. You and Sofia fell asleep.” She refrained from telling Callie that she had also slept there. It’d probably only serve to freak Callie out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, oh, yeah, right.” Callie pushed herself into a seated position, running her hands through her hair. And now, Arizona was jealous of Callie’s own hands. God, she needed to pull it together. “Do you want some help cleaning up? Sof seems to have messed everything up.” She gestured to the mess of photos over her rug. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, no, no, it’s fine. I’ll get it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie flashed a small smile. “I’m sure you have your own organizational method for it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Something like that.” More of a factor that she didn’t want Callie to see her break down over old photos of the two of them, or of Mark, or Nick, or her brother, or whatever else might set her off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silently, Callie picked up a stray photo, studying it carefully. Arizona couldn’t see what it was and she couldn’t imagine what caused Callie’s brow to crease so severely. Arizona busied herself with gathering the various envelopes and folders, placing them back in the box before Callie finally asked, “Who’s this?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She held up the photo for Arizona to see and her heart clenched. It was a photo from not long after she graduated med school taken at her mother’s parents’ place in Martha’s vineyard. A younger version of herself with a dark summer tan and twin braids grinned at the camera from her place on a tall brunette’s back, arms and legs wrapped around her. Tim could just barely be seen by a campfire laughing uproariously in the background. She was almost positive that Nick’s sister, Jane, had taken it.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona?” Callie prompted, “I don’t think I’ve seen her before. She an old ex or something?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, uh, that’s Casey.” God, how had she forgotten about Casey in all of the chaos of Tim’s return? She was going to have to tell him about- no, she couldn’t think about that now. “Can I have that back please?” Callie frowned but returned the photo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You two look close.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We were.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never heard of her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because I don’t talk about her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shocking,” Callie mumbled under her breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Any further discussion was interrupted by Sofia thundering down the stairs, dressed in a genuinely eye watering outfit of neon colours. “Hi Mama, guess what?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What, Sof?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nana’s gonna take me to the bookstore and she said I can pick out five books.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow, Sof, that’s exciting,” Callie grinned down at Sofia, an identical one reflected in her daughter’s. Arizona let out a shaky breath. Now wasn’t the time to miss this. “Make sure you behave for Nana.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia huffed, “I always do, right, Mommy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm,” Arizona hummed, taking a sip of her coffee. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother emerged from the upstairs, carrying Sofia’s coat. “Ready to go, Miss Sofia? Here, go put on your shoes and we’ll be on our way.” She came to a stop in front of Arizona and Callie, her eyes falling to the photo in Arizona’s hand. “Oh, Casey, Zo, what should we-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not now. We can’t tell him now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother pursed her lips but nodded in agreement. “If you think so, but she deserves to know, Arizona.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know. I’ll figure something out. You better get going before Sofia runs up the walls. Pancakes and books, you’ll definitely be her favourite grandma,” Arizona teased before realizing what she had said. She glanced to Callie, her eyes wide in horror. “I mean, uh, I’m so sor-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie waved her off. “It’s fine. Barbara, you certainly are her most favourite, hands down.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona wanted to bury her face in a pillow or anything to hide her burning cheeks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Callie,” she said, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. “Have a good day at work, Zo. Make sure your father grabs a bite to eat and takes a break. When I left, he was re-reading </span>
  <em>
    <span>Band of Brothers</span>
  </em>
  <span> to your brother. I’m sure Tim would appreciate the break.” She squeezed Arizona’s hand tightly. “You too, Callie. I’m sure I’ll see you around.” Leaving Callie looking nonplussed by her mother’s uncharacteristic coldness, her mother joined Sofia and the pair left. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It always sort of freaked her out when her mother went all society lady on people, those traits long-dormant, but still there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona tucked the photo of her and Casey back in the box, covering it with an envelope. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, uh, I should probably go get ready. I have a patient coming in at 10.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right, of course.” Callie paused, scratching uncomfortably at the back of her neck. “Is there any chance we could-” Before Callie could finish her thought, Callie’s phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket, revealing the caller id, Penny Blake. She moved to decline it but Arizona interrupted her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should take it. Feel free to see yourself out or grab a coffee or whatever.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She fled up to her room before Callie could respond. At the top of her stairs, she could just faintly make out Callie saying, “Penny, hi, I’ve been meaning to call you…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She retreated to her room before she could hear anymore. Stripping down quickly, Arizona rushed into her shower. Crying didn’t count if your face was wet anyway, right? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She leaned against the cool tile as heavy sobs racked her body. She was so tired of crying these days, but between Tim and Callie and everything, she felt strung out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she scrubbed her hands over her face, she couldn’t help but think this was a new level of sad. Sobbing in her shower while the woman she was in love with spoke with her girlfriend downstairs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>God, her life was great sometimes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona scrubbed a hand over her face as she dropped into her desk chair. The patient that had been referred to her had sobbed endlessly when Arizona tried to explain the treatment plan, but there was really very little Arizona could do for her. Then OB paged her to deliver a set of twins because apparently every woman in Seattle was giving birth today. An intern knocked into her left side when she was holding one of the babies and she nearly dropped it. That orgasm doctor was hanging around OB and wanted to chat, but Arizona had just retreated to her office before someone else could ask something of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything just felt off with her today. Maybe it was the Tim thing. Maybe it was the sleeping on a couch thing. It was probably the sleeping on a couch with </span>
  <em>
    <span>Callie </span>
  </em>
  <span>thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She let out a low groan as she rolled her neck, eyes squeezed shut. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look like you’re having a good day, huh,” Teddy greeted as she walked in, holding two cups of coffee. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please tell me one of those is for me.” Teddy wordlessly passed her a cup before taking a seat. “I slept with Callie.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy choked on her coffee, green eyes wide with shock. She spluttered, “You, you did what? With your ex-wife?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona flushed, quickly shaking her head. “No, no, not like that. She has a girlfriend. In New York. No, it was just… Sofia hates thunderstorms. She always has and there was that storm last night and I hate storms now too and Callie came over to check on Sofia and we fell asleep on the couch.” Teddy nodded along sympathetically. “It was strange and confusing and I just… my neck hurts.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Owen’s wife hates me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Amelia? I mean, she can be a bit abrupt, but she’s great,” Arizona said, thankful that Teddy offered up a distraction. “Really, I think you two would get along.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t realize you two were close.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I mean not so much recently, but we were at Hopkins together. We were hot messes together. Amelia’s… she had a lot going on and I was a nightmare in residency and it only got worse when Tim died.” Arizona’s nose scrunched up as she thought back to her chaotic final years as a resident in Baltimore before she fled to Seattle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy scoffed, “I bet you were all the attendings’ favourite. Being all helpful and perky and stuff. Like Kepner. Just always ready to help, you know.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Think less Kepner, more Yang,” she laughed as Teddy’s mouth fell open. “I’m serious. Like a perky, kinda slutty Yang. I practically lived at the hospital and I’d do pretty much anything to get on a surgery. Didn’t sleep with any attendings though,” she mused. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy blinked a few times, still trying to process. “I mean, I think that’s really only a thing here. But you were like Yang? Really? You seem too nice and you’re in peds!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Full-on, super nightmare. And hey, I’m very hardcore! Peds is hardcore and so is fetal!” Arizona jokingly protested, flicking a paperclip at Teddy. “But okay, what’s up with Owen? Are you two still weird? You seemed weird the other day.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. It’s Owen. We just… I don’t know.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona waved Teddy on. “Come on, lay it on me. It can’t be worse than my stuff with Callie.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy chuckled self-deprecatingly, gesturing to herself. “Tragically fell in love with her best friend who’s excellent at always being in relationships and then even more tragically fell in love with her fake insurance husband with a chronic tumour problem.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Touche.” There was something reassuring about knowing she wasn’t the only romantic screw-up in the world. “Has there been anyone in Germany? I had my first kiss in Germany.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, we can’t be as charming as you and your stupid dimples. There was this one smokin’ hot history professor. She had an accent like something out of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Downton Abbey</span>
  </em>
  <span> or something and she smoked menthol cigarettes and liked to drink gin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> “She sounds fun,” teased Arizona. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She lives in Quebec now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not so fun.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know me, I always pick people who are unavailable. I mean, Owen, Alison, Mark,” she ticked off her fingers, shooting an apologetic glance Arizona with the mention of Mark, “Andrew, Henry. It’s just… I’m tired of this all. I’m tired of constantly pining after Owen freakin’ Hunt. It’s been over fifteen years, Arizona. Don’t you think if it was going to happen, it would’ve happened?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona’s heart ached for her friend because she knew what it was like to be so desperately in love with someone you couldn't have, couldn’t be with. She watched as Teddy pined after Owen and hurt and moved on. She had held Teddy when she got so drunk after the shooting because ‘he chose her, he picked her, he doesn’t love me, Arizona’. For a moment, Teddy had been happy and whole with Henry, but then Arizona was holding her again and then Teddy was gone and Arizona was a mess.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was it better in Germany? Away from this place? Away from Owen?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was fine in Germany. I was there and he was here and I didn’t have to see him. Out of sight, out of mind. And he’s married now. But, I don’t know….” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not really one to talk, but personally, I think you can do better. You deserve someone more cheerful than Mr Doom and Gloom.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cheerful? That’s the word you’re going with.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eh,” Arizona shrugged, “sure. Henry was cheerful and fun,” she reasoned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A wistful look appeared in Teddy’s eyes. Arizona gave her friend a moment, letting her process the old memories. “He was, despite everything. I miss him. I mean, I miss the sex, but he was such a good friend too. Maybe you’re right.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Again, not one to talk, but could the whole Owen thing just be a habit?” She paused, trying to find a better way to explain herself. “Okay, this isn’t the best example, but think about Callie and Mark. They had a questionable habit of falling into bed with each other. They loved each other, no question about that. I don’t think they were ever </span>
  <em>
    <span>in </span>
  </em>
  <span>love. I’m not saying you were never in love with Owen, but maybe it just feels comfortable and easy and you and Owen have been through a lot so whenever you and Owen are around each other, you habitually feel like you have to try with Owen.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you know it’s not habit with Callie then?” Teddy shot back, an edge to her voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona tapped her fingers along the lid of her coffee cup. “Callie, with Callie, it’s constant. It’s not just the right time or the right place. There have been moments where it isn’t so noticeable, but there’s a reason I haven’t really been able to move on in two years.” She tore at the paper sleeve, dropping small pieces of cardboard onto her desk. “I’m not telling you… actually, wait, Owen’s married. I would just stay away. You don’t want to be that person. You’re better than that. You deserve something better than that.” Arizona perked up. “How long are you staying in Seattle for?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Indefinitely at the moment. Probably until Callie is finished with her initial surgeries.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, good, that gives me some time to find the perfect person for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, the last time you got all matchmaker-y, I slept with Mark and then walked in on him with that resident, what was her name?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Something with an R I think. God, that feels like a lifetime ago.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was a lifetime ago.” They paused, each caught up in memories from easier times. “I… you know what, yeah, if you have someone to set me up with, go for it. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m just hanging onto old memories. I don’t know.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona watched as Teddy swallowed back tears. “I get it. I keep telling myself that I’ll try to move on. Like it’s a freakin’ New Years’ resolution. Like if I start on Monday, maybe I’ll be able to do it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy shrugged. “It’s not like that with Owen. It’s more like… when I see him I revert back to how I felt all those years ago. Maybe you’re right, maybe it is just habit. I’m glad he has Amelia, even if she doesn’t like me-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In Amelia’s defence, it kinda sucks to have your partner’s best friend, or former best friend hanging around your partner who they have a long complicated, sort of romantic past with.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy sighed, her head dropping fractionally. “You’re right. You’re right.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I always am,” Arizona sang, spinning a bit in her chair. “I’m really glad you’re back, Teddy. I missed you.” She smiled at the woman who had been her best friend for nearly three years. “Don’t suppose I could convince you to stay in Seattle past Tim’s surgeries?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I...I don’t know. It’s hard here. I was chatting with Pierce about Tim and she needed to go down to a surgery so I walked with her and the OR… it was OR 4, where, where-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Henry,” Arizona finished. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Teddy breathed out, her eyes sparkling with old pain. “There’s just a lot of history here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I get that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t suppose I could convince you to come to Germany?” Teddy echoed her early question with a cheeky grin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, I wish. I bet you don’t have explosions and plane crashes there. If… if I didn’t have Sofia, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Yang’s been pestering me since she wants to work on fetal cardio research. Not that I’d give Sofia up for anything,” she clarified as soon as she heard what she had just said, “She’s the best thing, my most favourite thing in the entire world. But Seattle’s her home and Callie would throw me off the roof sooner than let me move Sofia across the world. I did love Germany.” She smiled wistfully, remembering the eighteen months she had lived in Germany right before high school </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But didn’t you let Callie take Sofia across the country?” Teddy pointed out. “Not that I’m offering you a job or anything.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona chuckled at the look on Teddy’s face. “I did. But it was with the stipulation that Sofia come back to Seattle after a year. I don’t know what we’ll do if Callie stays permanently in New York. Sofia can’t move back and forth every year.” Arizona buried her face in one hand. “Ugh, sorry, can we just not talk about all of that? I have a year to sort it out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure, whatever you need, Arizona. You know I’m here for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona twisted away from the OR board where she had been adding a resident who had shown some promise and interest in fetal surgery. She and Addison had both committed to building fellowship programmes in the next few years based off of Herman’s notes, so Arizona was already trolling through the residents for potentials. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, Callie, can I help you?” She replied, injecting some false levity into her voice. She still felt too tender from earlier in the day to be genuinely happy to see Callie. But she wasn’t about to let Callie see how much her presence affected her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fetal Myelomeningocele Repair, sounds intense.” Callie nodded towards the board, rocking on her feet a little. She had her hands jammed in her pockets and she was distinctly not looking at Arizona. Clearly, she was up to something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona carefully folded her arms over her chest. “Callie, I have a long, very delicate surgery in a few hours and I’d like to grab lunch before then, so can you just tell me what you need?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One of Callie’s eyebrows twitched up. “IwanttotakeSofiatoseeMark.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie took a few slow breaths. “I want to take Sofia to see Mark.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Oh! Okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona frowned, stepping out of the way as a patient was wheeled past them. “Yes, Callie. Okay.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re fine with it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona’s frown deepened. “Callie, of course, I’m fine with it. I took Sofia every time she was here over the past year. He’s her father. It’s important.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie still looked slightly shocked. “Really? I mean, that’s great. I, I didn’t realise you did that. I didn’t think you ever went to see Mark.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona glanced around, not particularly keen on having this conversation in the middle of a busy hallway. “It took me a while, but yeah, especially in the past year or so,” she continued on, ignoring the guilty look in Callie’s eye, “he… Mark can be a good listener,” she said with a soft smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie’s mouth twitched like it wanted to smile but couldn’t quite seal the deal. “Oh, well, I’m glad, I guess. So, uh, I’ll grab her from daycare? Or will she still be with your mom?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mom said she was coming by to see Tim and give my dad a break around 3 so Sofia should be here then. When do you think you’ll have Tim’s treatment plan?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, Jackson’s finalizing his part with the nerves and then I think we’ll sit down with Bailey today and get her approval. So tomorrow most likely.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, that’s good.” Arizona looked around for anyone to intervene and pull them out of this strangely awkward conversation. “Um, well, just text me when you and Sof leave and when you’re coming back, I guess. I should, uh…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah, me too. Um, good luck with your surgery. I’m sure you’ll rock it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona nodded tightly, uneasy in Callie’s company and the way it made her chest ache. She missed her heelies desperately in that moment as she walked away as quickly as she could. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nearly knocked Amelia over as she rounded a corner, caught up in thoughts of Callie and Sofia and even Mark. “Oh, yikes, sorry, Amelia.” The two women clutched each other’s elbows to steady themselves. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going either. It’s all good,” Amelia laughed. “I just totally rocked a surgery and now I’m gonna go masturbate in an MRI.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona choked slightly. “I’m sorry, you’re doing what now?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you not met the hot Italian doctor running around giving women orgasms?” Amelia paused, laughing at her own phrasing. “I figured you’d be all over it.” Amelia wagged her eyebrows at Arizona. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been busy, Amelia.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure, of course, brother returns from the dead and all that.” There was a slight edge to Amelia’s voice, bordering on resentful, but Arizona left it alone. She’d be deeply jealous if their positions were reversed. “But yeah, she needed volunteers and I could do with some celebrating.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh, well, have fun, I guess?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amelia started heading off. “Don’t I always, Robbins?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shaking her head, Arizona chuckled and continued on her way out to the coffee cart. Construction crews were still crowding the hospital, but improvement had been made. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was nearly to the coffee cart when she noticed a familiar set of shoulders on one of the benches. She stopped at the coffee cart first, buying an extra coffee before joining her father on the bench. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here, you look like you could do with some coffee, Dad.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, it’s black, none of that extra stuff. I know how you like your coffee, Dad.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Arizona.” He continued to stare ahead, his jaw tight. “I looked for you in your office.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She twisted her cup in her hands. “Oh, I’ve got a surgery in a bit so I was just going over everything with my patient and then needed to do a few things. You could’ve had me paged. Is everything okay with Tim?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded shortly. “They were giving him a sponge bath and he asked me to leave.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is he sleeping better?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He… he woke screaming last night. They had to sedate him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sedation might be the best option for now,” she offered, even if she personally despised having to take any sleep aids. But she understood their value. “He needs to rest and keep his stress levels down. It’ll only hinder his recovery.” Her dad hummed in acknowledgement. “How is he doing?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go ask him yourself.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He made his feelings pretty clear the other day.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re being childish.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Am not.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her father finally turned to look at her, one eyebrow raised in amusement. “Really, Arizona?” He shook his head fondly. “It’s reassuring to know that some things never change. You and Tim are both so incredibly stubborn.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And where do you think we got that from?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your mother,” he deadpanned. “You should go and speak with your brother, Arizona.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll speak with him when he’s ready. Has he said anything further about the amputation? Callie and Dr Avery will be speaking with the chief of surgery this afternoon.” Arizona drummed her fingers against her left thigh. “He needs the amputation, Dad. I hate it more than anyone. But, but he won’t be able to walk. There’s always a risk of infection with a leg like that. I’m sure it, no, I know it seems like the end of the world to him. But it’s not. I’m proof of that.” She curled her hand into a fist against her leg to stop it from shaking. “I want what’s best for him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, Arizona. You’ve always looked out for him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona watched as an elderly couple left their car, the man’s arm wrapped around his wife’s waist as they slowly walked towards the car. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did he meet with the psychologist? He needs to go to therapy. It took me too long and look how that turned out.” She chuckled at the twisted situation she had found herself in. “Has he asked about Casey yet?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I think he’s afraid to know about her. And as for the psychologist, I met with him. That guy Hunt highly recommended him. He served in the Air Force and works with vets frequently, so hopefully he’ll be able to help Tim. Tim didn’t throw him out, which is a positive sign I think.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona nodded quickly. She just wanted Tim well, but all of this, it was like she had slipped years back in her life. She could only hope that Tim could learn from her many, many mistakes. “That’s good,” she rasped out, “We shouldn’t mention Casey until he’s ready. I told him about Nick too soon.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He has to find out eventually. And just so you know, Arizona, Nick’s death wasn’t your fault. Nick made his own choices. He was a grown man. It wasn’t your fault.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona let go of the breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding. “It was though, Dad. He would’ve come to me sooner, or even just gone to a doctor, but he didn’t think I could handle it after Tim’s...you know. That’s on me that I was such a mess that one of my best friends didn’t think I could help them with their cancer. I’m a </span>
  <em>
    <span>doctor</span>
  </em>
  <span> for God’s sake.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her father pulled her into his side, letting her fall against him. “It’s not your fault, Zozo. Nick was fully grown, an Army Ranger. He made his own decisions. It’s not your fault how you chose to grieve for Tim. I… I’m not proud of how I handled things. But your mother and I, we should’ve seen how much pain you were in. It shouldn’t have been on Nick to keep you together.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t have fallen apart in the first place.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you are allowed to grieve. When you deliver bad news here, do you judge people for how they react? When people cry and scream and beg, do you look down on them?” She shook her head slightly against her father’s shoulder. “Exactly. You did what you had to do. Your mother cooked endlessly and threw herself into anything away from the house. I retired and...and…” He faltered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Never spoke Tim’s name again,” Arizona whispered, listening to her father’s steady breathing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, well, yes. I taught you and your brother to be strong, to be good men in a storm. But that doesn’t mean you can’t grieve for what you’ve lost. That doesn’t mean you are responsible for every wrong in the world. I am so deeply proud of you for being strong enough to pick yourself back up, for standing tall,” Arizona choked back a sob, remembering one of Callie’s favourite anecdotes about Mark, “And Arizona, you should know, Nick, he came to see me a few years ago. Probably only a few months after your wedding. I had no clue he was dying, I thought he was just skinny from travel. He… Nick blamed himself for Tim’s death. He kept saying he should’ve stayed with Tim. That he should’ve stayed longer. That he could’ve done more. That boy, Arizona, he stayed to help you because he loved you and he felt guilty about Tim. For my money, I don’t think it was just out of fear that he stayed away, I think it was guilt that had eaten him alive for years. To Nick, you two were a package deal, so he could try to pay penance for Tim by supporting you and not forcing you to deal with his cancer.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dad,” she started, thankful she hadn’t begun crying again. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because… because I blamed Nick too. How could he leave a man behind? His best friend, his brother? I… I wished that Nick had died instead of Tim and then Nick was dead. Nick was a good man, a man who served his country proudly, and I wished him dead.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona gave her father a minute as he tried to steady his breathing. The pair sat in comfortable silence, watching the coming and goings of the hospital. After a while, Arizona spared a glance at the time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need to get going, Dad. I… if Tim is ready to talk to me without screaming, I’ll happily speak with him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her dad pulled her into a tight hug, as had been his style since Tim died, as if if he hugged her hard enough and close enough she’d never leave. Growing up, he hadn’t been anyway close to as free with affection, but losing Tim had changed that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go be brilliant, Zozo. You always are.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona set her palms on the nursing station outside of the Harlands’ room, trying to steady her breathing. Like everything in her life it seemed, her surgery had not fully gone to plan. In the middle of her spina bifida repair, the mom had become unstable and she hadn’t been able to complete the repair. Now, both mom and baby were at risk if she couldn’t complete the surgery tomorrow and the night would be crucial. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why is it every time I see you, you look so sad,” An accented voice broke her out of her internal run through of what needed to be done. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona twisted slightly to find that Italian doctor who seemed to just be hanging around. “Huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look upset. Your surgery didn’t go well?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Something like that.” She leaned against the counter, her entire body aching. All she wanted was to sleep in her own bed, but that wasn’t likely to happen tonight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pity.” The other woman continued to say something, but Arizona was distracted by the appearance of Callie and Sofia. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She narrowed her eyes slightly as she took in the slightly chastened look on Sofia’s face and the stormy expression in Callie’s eyes. Their voices floated over, both speaking quickly in Spanish. And Callie, she sounded almost panicked or angry. What could she be angry with Sofia about? They went to see Mark and probably grabbed a snack or played in the park or something. She really should’ve taken Spanish instead of French in high school, but she thought that French would be better for chatting up pretty girls. (Little did she know how much a few quiet words of Spanish could make her melt) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you even listening, Dr Robbins?” The Italian woman, she couldn’t remember her name for the life of her, asked, Arizona’s title falling teasingly from her lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pardon?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was asking if you’d like to grab a drink. We could discuss your case. Or discuss something more fun and less depressing if that’s what you’d like.” Arizona flushed as Callie and Sofia came to a stop just as the other woman began asking her out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie’s eyes narrowed, darting between Arizona and the other woman with an almost irritated expression. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mommy, did you save the tiny baby?” Sofia asked innocently, breaking the strange tension. Arizona tugged Sofia to her as if she could shield Arizona from the awkwardness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Almost, Sof, I have to do some more before the tiny baby is all better.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, okay, Mommy.” Sofia curled closer into her. “We saw Daddy today. I miss him a lot, Mommy.” Arizona glanced up at Callie, who’s expression had softened significantly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona brushed her fingers through Sofia’s long hair. “I know, sweetie. I miss him too. He would’ve been so proud of you, you know that right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh-huh, that’s what Mama said.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your daddy, he loved you so, so much, Sof. You were his entire world,” Arizona said softly when she felt a bit of wetness through her scrubs from Sofia crying against her. “He fought so hard to be here for you, Sof, but sometimes, sometimes people have to go away.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like Uncle Tim?” Sofia asked innocently. For a moment, it felt like a familiar gut punch, just as any mention of Tim had been for so long. For a moment, Arizona forgot that Tim was laying in a hospital bed in this very building. For a moment, she missed her brother. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie, noticing Arizona’s hesitation, cut in, “Sort of, Sof. But you know Daddy’s always with you, keeping you safe and happy, right?” Sofia nodded against Arizona’s stomach, still gripping a bit too tight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona pushed Sofia away slightly so she could see her face. She brushed away a few tears. “Hey, Sof, you know, I bet Uncle Alex hasn’t started rounds yet. I bet if you ask really nicely he might have a sucker for you. He keeps them in his right pocket, you know.” She tucked a loose strand of hair behind Sofia’s ear as the little girl’s face lit up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“D’you think I can doctor with Dr Uncle Alex?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can ask him.” Sofia took off at a run. “Sofia! No running in here!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, Mommy!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona turned back to Callie. “Can we talk in my office?” She really needed to sit down. She had been on her feet for just slightly too long, but she wasn’t about to admit that to Callie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie, of course, knew exactly what she was asking and nodded, “Sure.” Callie’s eyes briefly shifted to the other woman on Arizona’s other side, who Arizona had admittedly forgotten was there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um, I’m so sorry. Today’s just been… uh, one of those days. I’m sure I’ll see you around.” Before the other woman could respond, Arizona moved off towards her office, Callie close behind. She all but collapsed back on her sofa, groaning at the minor relief it provided. Callie trailed after her, taking a seat in one of the chairs, conveniently very far from Arizona. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is everything okay?” Callie asked softly as Arizona pinched the bridge of her nose. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm? Yeah, My surgery went south and now I need to stay overnight to monitor before I can go in tomorrow and try to finish it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sucks.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It does. How… was Sofia okay with Mark? Last time I took her, she just kept giggling all day. She sounded like Mark, it was almost creepy if it wasn’t so cute.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie sighed heavily, a sigh of old, constant grief. “A lot of questions today about why he was dead. I feel like we have this conversation every few months. She, God, Arizona, she asked if he didn’t want to stay for her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bile rose in Arizona’s throat. “He… he tried.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I keep hoping it will get better as she gets older, but she doesn’t even remember him. She doesn’t remember that he had the goofiest grin whenever he got to hold her. She doesn’t remember that he loved bath time, even though he’d be more soaked than she was. She just… he only exists in pictures.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona watched her ex-wife carefully. Mark had been a touchy point for various reasons over the entire course of their relationship, but she’d never deny that Callie and Mark had a special relationship. Mark was Callie’s person and while Arizona may have resented that at points, she understood that Callie would never be over Mark’s death, it would just get easier. That’s how it had been for years with Tim. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So we just have to keep talking to her about Mark. We’ll keep reminding her and including him as much as we can. Jackson mentioned that he has some procedures of Mark’s that were videotaped when we were discussing archiving videos of certain soldiers. When she’s old enough, she can watch those. She can hear his voice, see his hands.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm,” Callie hummed, nodding her head, her eyes still sad, “Just so long as she doesn’t go into plastics.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m winning in that category.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s ‘cause peds has candy and toys! Once she’s older, she’s gonna love ortho. It’ll be the family business. Did you know that Meredith has Zola practicing whipples already?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seriously?” Callie nodded solemnly. “That’s… okay, well, I guess Zola wins in the award-winning surgeon genes.” A strangely soft expression came over Callie’s face as she listened to Arizona speak. “They’ll be the first three generation Harper Avery winners. Although Sofia does have the names of three awesome surgeons too, which has to count for something.” Arizona sat upright, fixing Callie with a shocked grin. “Oh my God, are we like the surgeon equivalent of stage parents? Like who’s kid is going to be a more hardcore surgeon?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie burst into laughter, her earlier sadness melting away. “I think we might be.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to give Sofia a complex.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nah, she likes the hospital. She loves being a part of it all. I caught her cutting open one of her baby dolls a few months ago.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona’s mouth fell open. “You’re kidding.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope, she said that the baby was sick and she was going to fix it like you. She used a paring knife she stole out of the kitchen and when I found her she was trying to sew it back up with supplies out of my bag. Her stitches… eh, they weren’t half bad for a seven-year-old.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ha, she’s so going into peds. Between me and Alex and all of our candy, we got this.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie scoffed, a smile lighting up her eyes. “You can’t bribe Sofia with candy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And anyway, everyone knows that ortho is badass. I always thought bones were cool, especially after I broke my leg in third grade.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d prefer if Sofia didn’t have to break anything to like ortho, for the record,” Arizona said, jabbing a finger in Callie’s general direction. “Just so long as she doesn't go into cardio. Teddy’s like the only, non-egotistical cardio surgeon I’ve ever met. I love Cristina, but she’s a lot….” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie nodded in agreement. “I’ll support that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pair sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, Arizona absently massaging her leg. “Is your apartment already furnished?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh, oh yeah, it is.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Could Sofia stay with you tonight? I just… I have to stay overnight and my parents, they want to stay with Tim. I think they’re both convinced if they’re away too long, he’s going to disappear. I could see if De Luca, or maybe even Teddy could watch her at mine-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Arizona. Sofia can stay with me. It’s fine. I’ve got her room ready to go. And we’re just across the street, so no need to panic.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona relaxed back on the sofa. “Oh, great. That’s good. I’m sure she’ll be excited to spend the night.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie twisted her hands in her lap, watching them intently. “Have you thought about how we should talk to Sofia about Tim? I’m worried it’s going to confuse her because she understand that Daddy and Uncle Tim are both dead, but then if Tim is alive, is she going to think Mark… Mark will come back?” Callie’s voice cracked as she mentioned Mark being alive again and Arizona’s heart broke. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… I think once Tim has settled a bit, we should sit her down and explain and then she can go see Tim and see that he’s alive and she can touch him. It probably helps that,” Arizona swallowed back the lump in her throat, “that she’s never seen his grave. It makes it less tangible, I think. But Tim’s not ready yet.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I trust your judgement with that. She was just asking why Nana and Pops are always at the hospital. I told her they were visiting a friend, so you might want to pass that along.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure, sure.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona wanted to ask what Callie and Sofia were chatting about in Spanish when the door to her office burst open, revealing Alex and a squirming Sofia in his arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey boss, Dr Sofia is all done with rounds.” He set Sofia on the couch next to her, the little girl giggling happily. “And a lollipop for all of her help.” He held out a handful of brightly colored candy for her to choose from. After a moment of deliberating, Sofia grabbed a bright red one. Only then did Alex notice Callie sitting there. “Oh, you’re here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alex,” Arizona began, warningly, before focusing back on Sofia. “Sof, Mama’s gonna take you home tonight and you can have a sleep at Mama’s, okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you gonna be there, Mommy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I have to stay at the hospital tonight, but you’ll be just across the street.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s so close,” Sofia said, her dark eyes wide and looking so painfully like Callie’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yep. Super close.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie stood quietly, gathering her and Sofia’s things. She offered a hand to Sofia, who happily took it. “Say goodnight to Mommy. You’ll see her tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia pressed a quick kiss to Arizona’s cheek, whispering against it, “Goodnight, Mommy, love you lots.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Love you too, Sof.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She watched as they walked out of her office and she tried to remind herself that they were just across the street, not across the country. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So… are we gonna talk about-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not now, Alex. Please.” Alex dropped onto the sofa next to her. “I’m sorry. It’s just… it’s a lot.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I got it. Do you want a hand with your spina bifida kid?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t you be at home with Jo?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex looked around, his guilty expression the same as it had been all those years ago when she first pulled him onto peds. “I’m avoiding wedding planning.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough. Yeah, sure, we’re monitoring overnight.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wanna get a pizza? You can catch me up on the surgery,” Alex offered and Arizona was deeply grateful for the distraction he provided. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only if you’re buying.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You got it, boss.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...so Alex, has Jo decided on a color scheme yet?” She asked, her focus on the table in front of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex groaned, sparing a glance up to the gallery before saying, “No idea, Kepner keeps sending us options. I told her just to send them to Jo. Jo told her just to send them to me. Aren’t weddings supposed to be white or whatever?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not exactly a paragon of purity, Karev.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A snicker rolled around the OR. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona took a moment to describe what she was doing to the residents hovering over her shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once she was finished, Alex scoffed, “Those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, Robbins.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“More like bricks, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve gotta stop threatening people with bricks.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t threatened you with a brick in months. That’s progress.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you say, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Zozo</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he chuckled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Careful, Karev. I’d hate for my streak to end today.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, boss, check the gallery,” Karev whispered, his voice so low Arizona was probably the only one who heard him. Arizona spared a glance and found Callie sitting there, her chin propped up on her hand. Something swooped in her belly. Arizona silently cursed Callie’s ability to elicit such a response from her. It wasn’t fair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dr Karev, I’d suggest we focus on this baby and getting her back inside her cozy home.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He rolled his eyes, but dropped the subject of Callie and her presence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were in the process of closing when the door behind them opened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dr Robbins, can Dr Karev finish?” Arizona glanced over her shoulder when she heard Bailey’s voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yes, he can. Is something wrong, Dr Bailey?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need you to pass this off to Karev before I say anything further.” A million thoughts rushed through her head as she let Karev take her place. She stepped back, keeping her eyes on Bailey. “Your brother, he had to be rushed into emergency surgery. Grey and Webber are in OR 3 right now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona didn’t wait for another word before she took off running to OR 3. Callie caught her around the waist before she could enter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Callie, I swear to God-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They have your brother open on the table. You can’t burst in there. We’ll go up to the gallery and you can speak with them. Okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona shrugged off Callie’s hand, her touch too distracting. “Fine. Don’t… don’t…” she wanted to say ‘don’t touch me’, ‘don’t hold me’ but she couldn’t bring herself to. Callie led her up to the gallery, mindful to stay a few steps back. Once she was in the gallery, her heart dropped at the sight of Tim on an operating table. “Grey, Webber,” she called through the intercom, “What’s going on? What happened?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona, you shouldn’t be here-” Webber began in his classic scolding father tone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just his appendix. He didn’t mention anything until it was about to burst,” Meredith cut in, her back to the gallery. “We already got. We’re just repairing some of the old damage while we’re here. It looks like they were stitching him up occasionally. Has he mentioned anything?” Arizona sagged against the wall, ignoring the brief touch to her back from Callie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just his appendix,” she echoed, “Someone really needs to talk to Bailey about her delivery.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m right behind you, Robbins, mind yourself.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, Bailey. How long do you think you’ll be?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He should be out in the next thirty minutes or so.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank God. Thank you, Richard, Meredith. Thank you.” She released the intercom button, falling fully back against the wall. Callie twitched towards her like she wanted to do something, but stayed put. “He’s such an idiot.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy appeared behind Bailey, panting slightly. “I just heard. I’m so sorry, I was on a call with my superior.” Teddy sidestepped Bailey, nearly pushing past Callie, to pull Arizona into a hug. Arizona clung to her, deliberately ignoring the wounded look in Callie’s eye. Callie made her choice a long time ago. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s gonna be fine, Teddy. He’s just dumb.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy rocked her back and forth a bit before saying, “C’mon, you should go sit with your parents in the waiting room. I’m sure they’re besides themselves.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll come with,” Bailey interjected. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m… I’m just gonna go,” Callie mumbled, then practically ran out of the gallery. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bailey shot her a disapproving look, but didn’t comment. “Alright, let’s go, Robbins. And for the record, I was going to tell you it was his appendix, but you ran out on me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The trio made their way up to the waiting room, Arizona taking a moment to look less like she had freaked out, so as not to stress out her parents. Sure enough, her parents were sat as close as possible, her father holding her mother. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mom, Dad…” Arizona started, approaching them carefully, her gown billowing behind her. She took the seat next to them. “Tim’s going to be just fine,” she said, keeping her voice level. This was okay. She gave this news all the time. She practically had a script for delivering appendix news. “His appendix nearly ruptured and because of his circumstances, they were concerned that it may be something more serious. Drs Grey and Webber are working on him and they’re the best we have. They’ve already taken out his appendix and now they’re just cleaning up some old injuries. He’s going to be just fine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother burst into tears. “He just started whimpering in so much pain. Arizona, he was in so much pain.” Arizona pulled her mother into a hug, sharing a look with her father over her head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, Mom. He’s okay. He’s fine. He’s safe,” she said, repeating those words like a mantra. “He’s safe.” Her father rested a hand over hers, a gentle gesture of strength. “He’ll be okay.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona flipped another page on the paperwork she was working through. Her foot was propped up on one end of Tim’s bed while she sat in a terribly uncomfortable chair. Her dad had taken her mom back to sleep for a while, so they wouldn’t have to see Tim in such a state. Arizona was more than happy to sit with him while he slept, she was just less keen on him awake. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She scribbled off her signature for what might have been the hundredth time. The noise of the hospital was just familiar white noise. Even the excitement of people being rushed about was just background. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“‘re you doin’ homework?” Tim grumbled, his voice still heavy from the sedation. When she looked up at him, eyebrow raised, he elaborated, “You’re doin’ the homework face,” as if that was answer enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just some paperwork. How are you feeling?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like someone was pokin’ ‘round inside me,” he groaned, rolling his neck side to side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona shook her head. “You’re ridiculous. And an idiot, for the record. Your appendix nearly burst. Why didn’t you say anything? It must have hurt.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My entire body hurts, Arizona.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She winced. “Okay, that’s fair.” She began to gather up her stuff so she could leave. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where’re you going?” He asked with a pout. “Don’t go,” he pleaded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you didn’t want to see me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please?” She sat back down, unable to ignore Tim’s sad eyes. “I missed you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I missed you too, you dork,” she said, affectionately brushing Tim’s hair out of his eyes. “I’m sorry. I should’ve come and seen you. I’m a coward. This is just… it brings up a lot of bad, terrible memories for me.” Tim leaned into her touch. “I’m just, I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bad memories about what?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My leg, the crash, Callie, it’s all tangled up together. It’s not your fault. It’s my own stuff to deal with. But it’s not important. You’re important. If you need to yell, scream, freak out, whatever, do it. Just don’t freak out at Mom. She’s having a tough time with you being in the hospital, I think.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She always hated it when you were in the hospital. You were so accident prone all the time,” he chuckled. Arizona joined him, thinking of the various minor injuries and accidents that had her in and out of the hospital over the years. The broken wrist from trying to bike with no hands. The time she split her chin open racing Tim up the stairs in socks. When she knocked out her two front teeth, seeing who could walk further with their eyes closed, her or Tim, with Nick guiding them. Her appendix. Her knee. It was almost endless. None of it serious, but enough to spark an interest in medicine early. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As if you weren’t too.” Tim shrugged a shoulder with a grin. “Tim, we need to talk about your leg.” Arizona took a few slow breaths, as Cate had taught her. She tried to draw upon Dr Robbins but turns out magic and fairy dust didn’t quite apply to this situation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.” The burning anger she was becoming increasingly familiar with clearly had surfaced again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tim.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said, no, Arizona. I’m not… I’m not….” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? You’re not broken? You’re not a cripple? What is it, Tim?” Frustration poured off of Tim in waves, his moods changing so rapidly. “Just say it. Whatever you’re thinking.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He scowled up at her just like he had when she had made him go on the diving board at the pool one summer, even though he hated heights. She refused to let him climb down until he jumped off it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, Zo, I don’t… I don’t want this!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nobody </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants</span>
  </em>
  <span> this, Tim. Do you think I wanted to lose my leg when it cost me everything? God, no. But I’d rather be here with one leg, having this dumb argument with you, going home to my daughter, than dead.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it cost you everything, not exactly a winning argument there, Arizona,” he snarled, the scar over his eye making his scowl far more sinister. “Oh, yay, I can be just like you. Sounds like a fucking blast.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona exhaled sharply. She knew it wasn’t Tim talking really. It was everything else. “Fine, act like a child. Don’t do the surgery.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” Arizona was halfway to the door when Tim called softly, “Wait, can...can you talk me through it one more time? That guy, he just threw around all these big words and Dad was being the Colonel and completely unhelpful. And Dad, Dad kept saying, ‘well, your sister is fine’ and no offence, Zo, but it’s kind of bullshit that I come back from the dead basically and you’re still the favourite.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Timmy,” she walked back to his bed, ignoring the tremble in her fingertips. “Dad shouldn’t… he shouldn’t do that. I wasn’t fine. Hell, I’m still not completely fine. But I was really not fine for a long time and you don’t have to be fine right away. You can be mad and pissed and sad because it’s your leg.” She held his elbow, a poor substitute for his hand. “Did you know, until time around the plane crash, I talked to Mom and Dad every single day? Most of the time, just Mom. We’d just check-in. I’d tell her about my tiny humans and she’d tell me about garden club or what she was watching on TV or what she was making for dinner. But it wasn’t because Mom likes to micromanage or because Dad was overly concerned with my career, it was them making sure I was still alive. They have been grieving for a decade, Tim.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know.</span>
  </em>
  <span> But I can’t deal with him throwing his weight around and acting like I’m a child.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s… I haven’t heard him say your name in ten years. Not until he called to say that you were alive. That you were coming home. He couldn’t even say your name. At your...your funeral,” Arizona choked back a sob, the memories of holding her mother in an airplane hanger and watching her father down a flask of whiskey just so he could force himself into his uniform and Nick standing next to her in the same uniform her brother was being buried in while she accepted the flag because her parents couldn’t do it. “It was… Dad, he wouldn’t speak to anyone but Mom. There were all these important Army and Marine officers and Dad just walked away. He retired the next day.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“None of this is helping me, Arizona,” sighed Tim, his scar moving oddly as his eyebrows pressed together. “I get it. It sucked for you all that I was dead. It wasn’t exactly a beach vacation for me either.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what I’m saying. I just think… he’s terrified to lose you again. I see it all the time with parents who have already lost a child or nearly lose their child. They’re scared of their own shadows. Everything is a threat to their child. They… I’ve seen parents not want to hug their kids because there’s a small chance it might hurt them. Dad, he’s scared and he’s barking orders because that’s what he knows. Mom will probably start bringing in obscene amounts of food and she’s fussing over me more than usual, which says a lot these days.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He just keeps trying to make decisions for me. Like I’m ten trying to decide between baseball and football.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s probably somewhat my fault, that he’s trying to be so involved.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How? You’re the perfect child.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Almost perfect. You’re the one who served.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Army, though. That’s almost as bad,” Tim laughed. The day Tim had come home with a West Point brochure was forever burned in her memory. She could still see him standing in front of her parents, still awkward and lanky from puberty telling their parents that he was going to West Point or he’d just walk into the Army Recruitment Station, but he wouldn’t be a Marine. It had been his own personal rebellion, his way to buck the Colonel’s influence. Arizona had become a doctor. Tim had become an Army officer. It had taken the Colonel a minute to process that his son, named for his own father, wouldn’t be a Marine. But he was still proud of his son for serving. “I still don’t see why it’s your fault.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When… when I was in the plane crash, when I woke up, I wouldn’t let anyone call them. I know Callie did. Because she had called them when we were missing,” Her mother had told her about those days last year when Arizona had finally mustered the courage to ask and it was worse than talking about Tim. She had destroyed her parents for those few days. “But I refused to talk to them for, I don’t even know how long. I wouldn’t let anyone near me. Callie kept them in the loop. But I expressly forbid them from coming to Seattle. Maybe I should’ve let them. Dad probably would’ve kicked my ass out of bed. But that’s neither here nor there. I think they’re overcompensating with you right now because I wouldn’t let them. Just like they overcompensated with me when you were dead.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a few moments, Tim nodded. “Okay. I still don’t like Dad barking orders at me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you think I do? Tim, I cry, it’s humiliating. I’ve cried in front of my bosses, more than one of them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe it was for the best that you didn’t join up. Not a lot of tolerance for crying.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wasn’t the no crying thing I had a problem with, Tim,” she reminded him with a gentle squeeze to his elbow. “Okay, so you want to try again, talking about your leg?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim took a bracing breath to steady himself before he nodded. “Let’s do this, Zoie.” Arizona considered the tablet in her lap for a moment before deciding against it. No point staring at those nightmare x-rays. She was about to speak when Tim cut her off, “Explain it like you would one of your kids? All the fancy medical stuff gives me a headache.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Timothy, I can treat you like a tiny human.” She smiled brightly at him, her nose crinkling and her dimples flashing. “Okay, right, hm,” Arizona paused before dragging a chair over so she could prop both her legs up. “Due to trauma and infection and a lack of treatment, your right is basically not working from here down,” she gestured on her own right leg, leaning back so Tim could see. “Technically, it’s still there and you might feel some sensation from it, but it’s probably super uncomfortable.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Super uncomfortable, that’s one way of describing it,” Tim grimaced. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That won’t go away and your leg can’t hold you up. Think about a chair, for instance, even if three of the legs are strong and sturdy, if one is damaged and can’t support itself, the chair will fall down.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you calling me a chair?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop interrupting. Your leg won’t get better. It’s died, or dead and it can’t recover. You could try and go through painful, painful surgeries with a very small chance of being able to walk again. But you would barely walk with a cane. You wouldn’t be able to run or move freely. You with me so far?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess. Can you explain the amputation part to me?” He glanced nervously to her own bad leg.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She carefully rolled her trousers up until the cuff was well above her knee. She hesitated for a moment before taking off her prosthetic. Tim watched with rapt interest. For a moment, she wished that she had closed the curtains. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After she set her leg down, she twisted to better see Tim, who was staring at her stump with an unreadable expression. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh, so I guess that takes care of your bad knee,” he commented, referencing her devastating knee injury during a soccer game her senior year of high school. “That’s kind of handy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rolling her eyes, she pressed on, even though the panic from earlier was starting to come back. It was just Tim. It was for Tim. She could do this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’ll make a cut somewhere around here,” she gestured to the spot on her leg, “then they’ll do some other things that I kind of doubt you’d want to know about to make it smooth and even.” She brushed her fingers around the rounded edge where her knee used to be. “Then they’ll close it and you’ll be in a lot of pain, I won’t lie. But it’s not a bad pain entirely. I… A friend of mine used to call it a healing pain, a victory pain after hard surgeries when you had won.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And then what? I get one of those,” he asked, motioning to her prosthetic. “Do they come in different colours?” It was such a Tim question, her heart leapt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Once you’ve recovered some, yeah. Tim, it’s hard. Like really, horribly hard. You’ll have to learn to walk again. How to stand.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, so? You did it, didn’t you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure, but-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anything you can do, I can do.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona breathed out an almost laugh. Tim used to yell that at her all the time when they were growing up and she didn’t want him following her around. Admittedly, that had come to a head when they both tried to date the same girl the summer before her senior year of undergrad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You always were such a copycat,” she teased, buoyed by Tim’s apparent mood change. They just changed so fast she was starting to get whiplash. “Although this might be taking it too far this time.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you saying the time I tried to grow my hair out so I could have a ponytail too wasn’t taking it far enough?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You cried the entire walk home from kindergarten! Mom had to carry you and then cut your hair. But you did look like a girl.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, Zoie. You almost got a buzz cut ‘cause I had one and so did Dad and Nick.” Tim winked at her. “Honestly, Mom and Dad should’ve known you were gay when you wanted that buzz cut.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What, the Cindy Crawford poster wasn’t enough of a hint?” Once they got themselves more under control, Arizona asked cautiously, “Tim, will you do it? ‘Cause, honestly, I don’t want to have to push you around in a wheelchair all the time if I can help it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He paused, chewing on his bottom lip thoughtfully. “I… you promise you’ll help me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s a promise I’m happy to make, dork. Of course, I’ll help you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. If you, as my sister and a doctor, are saying this is my best option, then okay. I spent a lot of time not being able to move freely in the past ten years. I’m not going to stand in my own way. But, Zo, you’ve gotta help me. You can’t just abandon me to Dad. He’ll be terrible.” She nodded, blinking back tears. Tim’s eyes darted to her legs, still propped up and exposed, and then to his legs partially covered by a blanket and metal support system. His gaze flitted between the two before he burst out laughing. “You have a right leg and I have a left leg.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took Arizona a moment to realize what Tim had, but she soon joined him in laughing, clutching at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Guess no potato sack races for us anymore?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You suck at those anyway, Zoie,” Tim cackled. “Do you think if Mom and Dad only had one kid, they’d have two legs? Maybe the Robbins kids are cursed to only have two legs between them. It’s a good thing it’s just the two of us.” That sent them into fresh peals of laughter, Arizona leaning into Tim’s bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We...we only have two legs, Tim,” Arizona blurted out, tears streaming down her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona heard a knock at the door, but she didn’t look away from Tim until she heard Meredith ask, “What’s so funny?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim gasped for breath, unable to even speak. Arizona managed to stammer out, “We...two legs….” Arizona waved a hand between her and Tim as if that was enough explanation. After a few more moments, Arizona managed to calm down enough to speak. “We’ve only got two legs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The residents who had followed Meredith in were shifting uncomfortably. One of them mustered up enough courage to say, “I mean, that’s how humans work typically, Dr Robbins.” Meredith shot him a nasty look. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s two of us,” Tim piped up, nodding towards his sister. “And we only have two legs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meredith chuckled. “You are far more twisty than anyone gives you credit for, Robbins. But you, Captain, you need to settle down before you tear those nice stitches I did. I’d hate to see you in my OR again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid I didn’t catch your name, Dr…?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Grey. I’d shake your hand, but-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“-they’re out of commission, I’m afraid,” Tim supplied with a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona sat back, quietly replacing her prosthetic as she listened to Meredith explain what had happened to Tim. She was glad that he had finally agreed to the amputation, but it felt like her chest just kept getting tighter. She inhaled slowly, trying to regain some control. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim’s leg was going to get cut off. She just talked her brother into cutting off his leg.  She was making Tim cut off his leg. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She swallowed back the urge to vomit. Sparing a glance down to her phone, she stood suddenly. She mumbled something about a patient before stumbling out of the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She pushed into the first supply closet she found, collapsing down onto a box of something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She gasped for air, but there wasn’t enough air. Why couldn’t she breathe? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How could she do that to Tim? How could she drag Tim down with her? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She pressed a hand against her chest in a desperate attempt to relieve the pressure, but it did nothing. Her fingers automatically sought out a necklace that hadn’t been there in years. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona tried to remember what Cate had told her, to remember how to breathe. But it just felt like the world was caving in on her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim was only going to have one leg. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona stumbled back until her shoulders collided with the cool metal rack behind her. Her weight shifted slightly onto her right leg, her prosthetic pulling painfully at her. The hand not pressed to her chest tugged on the edge of the prosthetic in a desperate attempt to relieve the pain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A broken sob fell from her lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the midst of her panic, the only thread her mind managed to grasp onto was that this was her fault. Just like it always was, an unbidden voice hissed in her ear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her fingers pinched at her thigh in a misguided attempt to ground herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The unfortunate state of Arizona’s being was that despite her usual logic and planning and levelheadedness, she had never been much good at bringing herself out of these panicked states. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How many nights had she woken up in the midst of a nightmare, sheets twisted tight around her, panic pulling painfully at her chest?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>First, it had been her father dying, then the tiny coffins had started after little Joey Prince, the first child she had watched die in her first year of residency. Those nightmares plagued her, but were never so bad as the ones after Tim’s death. She used to wake up screaming, pleading with someone, anyone to save Tim. After those, she’d frequently spill into a panic attack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie had held her countless times, holding her tight to her chest. For years, even just the hint of Callie’s jasmine perfume had been enough to settle the panic in Arizona’s heart. But in the years since the plane crash, Arizona resorted to self-soothing. For so long, she hated to burden Callie with her problems. How foolish had she been. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In. Out. In. Out. In. Out,” she repeated to herself, her voice barely above a whisper. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona forced herself to stare down at her hands as she slowly unfurled them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Distal phalanges. Middle phalanges. Proximal phalanges. Metacarpal bones,” she sighed, the trembling in her fingers slowly subsiding. “Hamate. Trapezoid. Capitate. Trapezium. Triquetral. Pisiform. Lunate. Scaphoid.” As she finished listing the bones in her hands, she almost could’ve sworn that she heard Callie’s voice whispering along with her. One of the first nights Callie had woken up to her in the midst of a panic attack, Callie had cradled her hand and gently traced over the bones as she listed them off. It had become a habit, even beyond Arizona’s panic attacks, for Callie to quietly whisper the names of bones as she traced over Arizona’s body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taking in a few long, deep breaths, Arizona straightened, her shoulder blades dragging against the rack. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Absently, she smoothed the front of her shirt down. Although the initial panic had passed, she still felt off-balance with an undercurrent of anxiety. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But that was easy enough to ignore. She needed to focus on Tim. He needed all the help and support he could get. And she needed to page Ortho and Callie and update them on Tim’s decision. And she needed to stop at the grocery store and pick up dinner. And Sofia wanted to pick out a new paint colour for her room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she stepped towards the door her phone dinged in her pocket. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Callie Torres [4:11 PM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>Are you around? I have something I want to talk to you about. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona swallowed against the knot forming in her throat, accompanied by a painful twist in her stomach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dread replacing the anxiety, Arizona pushed open the door, slipping back into the real world, feeling utterly unprepared for whatever it was Callie wanted to tell her. She just knew instinctively that it couldn’t be anything good. Because, honestly, when was the last time it wasn’t something devastating or heartbreaking?</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hope you enjoyed ! </p><p>say hey on tumblr at avasharpest! </p><p>much love x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. temp. author's note</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hey team, just wanted to let everyone know that the ending of the previous chapter has changed and that I'm hoping to have a new chapter up by the day after tomorrow at the latest. </p><p>I also wanted to say how insanely grateful I am for all of the many messages here, on ffn and on tumblr checking in on me and this story. I can barely believe how many people are invested in this story that admittedly started as procrastination and insomnia. I've spent the past month in a pretty bad place, but those little messages have really brightened things up and I have so many ideas for this going forward. I can't promise that updates will ever be as quick as they were in January, but there will be updates. </p><p>So just, thanks for sticking around and don't forget to check out the new ending to chapter five! </p><p>much love xx</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>in case you missed the previous chapter, there was a change. if you click back to chapter 5, it'll be evident. </p><p>and just for anyone confused or curious, from the beginning of chapter one (the day after the explosion) to the day of this chapter, it has been seven days. tim has been at the hospital for six. callie has been here for five. hopefully this helps frame how totally overwhelmed and stressed out arizona is. a lot has happened in a short amount of time.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Arizona stared down at her phone, debating how and even if she should respond to Callie. Obviously, Callie wanted to talk and that was all well and good. But Arizona couldn’t help but think back to other times Callie had “wanted to talk” and how poorly those times had gone for her. Dropping her pregnancy in Arizona’s lap; the day in the therapist’s office; the whole New York debacle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona was fairly certain that she was justified in a bit of reluctance when it came to Callie. How many times had she been burned by Callie? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sure, they had had moments over the past few days reminiscent of their post-divorce, pre-Penny selves. But there had also been deeply uncomfortable moments that unsettled Arizona. She used to know everything about Callie, practically considered herself an expert in the woman, but now, she was almost a stranger that reminded her of someone she used to know. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She chewed absently on the inside of her cheek, her thumbs hovering over the keys. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Residual anxiety still twisting at her insides, Arizona propped a hip against the nurses’ station as she craned her neck to look in her brother’s room. She really ought to call her parents and check on Sofia. Her father was probably wearing a hole in her floors, despising the total lack of control he had over the situation. And her poor mother-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Looking for someone?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona jolted against the desk, the sharp corner cutting into her hip. She turned slightly to find Teddy leaning over her shoulder. “Teddy!” She slapped Teddy’s shoulder weakly with the back of her hand. “You shouldn’t sneak up on people.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I called your name like at least twice,” Teddy said, her brow creasing for a moment. “But you seemed deep in thought. Everything okay with the Captain?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Arizona scrambled to catch up with the conversation. Everything just felt a bit too raw still from her panic attack, like the world had jolted into bright contrast and surround sound. “Oh, uh, yeah, Tim just woke up… Meredith is in there now explaining the surgery. He’s agreed to do the surgery on his leg, which is somehow a total nightmare even if it’s for the best… and you’re not listening to me at all.” Colour flushed Teddy’s cheeks and she looked half-ashamed of herself. “What’s wrong?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy glanced around before grabbing Arizona’s elbow and dragging her into an empty patient room. “I am freaking out,” Teddy started, already mid-pace. She pulled a hand through her hand, her eyes slightly frantic. “I need you to tell me this is a bad idea. Like a really bad idea.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a bad idea, Teddy,” Arizona dutifully replied, settling on the corner of the bed. “Uh, what’s a bad idea?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy finished a length of the room. “I kissed Owen. Or, um, Owen kissed me. There was kissing and Owen.” Arizona nodded, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth. “This is bad, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not great, Teds.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy groaned and buried her face in her hands. “That’s what I thought.” Arizona picked idly at a loose string on her sleeve. “But it’s Owen, Arizona,” she all but pleaded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ignoring the painful twist on her heart, Arizona replied, “He’s married, Teddy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not happily,” Teddy shot back, even as guilt crossed her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Teddy,” Arizona sighed, “You don’t want to do that. Even if they aren’t happy or content or whatever, don’t make Owen a cheater. Don’t let yourself be the other woman.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But it’s Owen,” Teddy echoed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Teddy, you are better than that. You deserve more than him stepping out on his wife.” Teddy’s bottom lip began to jut out into a pout. “Theodora, you are worth more than that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy dropped onto the bed next to her. “It’s Owen, Arizona. I feel like we’ve missed our chance.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We had a chance to do it right and we missed it. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her words from nearly a year ago echoed in her own mind. Was she being a hypocrite, warning Teddy away from Owen? Would she take another chance with Callie? The hopeful, romantic part of her screamed yes, while the more rational and deeply hurt part of her struggled to let go of everything that had gone wrong. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then you missed your chance,” she heard herself say in a faraway voice. “But Teddy, please, don’t do this to Amelia.” She couldn’t help but think of the Amelia she had known in Baltimore. The pair of them had been nightmares together, constantly competing against each other and everyone else in the hospital and then heading out to bars and trolling for dates. That Amelia was so starkly different to the woman she knew now. And of course, the very idea of Owen cheating on Amelia resurfaced those images of Callie that haunted her still, the painful, devastating look of heartbreak on Callie’s face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy fell back, covering her eyes with one hand. “I don’t wanna be….” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A dirty mistress?” Arizona supplied, borrowing one of Mark’s phrases from a drunken ramble. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I don’t want to be a dirty mistress. Again. What was Owen thinking?” She groaned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He wasn’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He said he and Amelia are having problems.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Teddy… That, that isn’t a good excuse.” She stared at her own hands. For a moment, it felt like she was transported back to those terrifying days after the storm, after she ruined everything when she didn’t know where Sofia was, when she couldn’t see her way out of her own personal hell. “Look, you’re an adult and I’m not going to tell you what to do, but Teddy, you can do a lot better than a guy stepping out on his wife.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona patted Teddy’s knee in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. Teddy continued to just lie there, half her face covered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just… Arizona, what if this is it for me? What if I can’t move on? What if Owen’s supposed to be the one and this is it? I’m almost fifty, Arizona. I wanted a family. I wanted kids. I don’t regret serving. I know I’ve saved a lot of lives. But God, this isn’t what I wanted.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Guilt twisted at Arizona, even though rationally, she knew she wasn’t to blame for Teddy’s problems. Maybe it was more grief for the life she had lost out on and she was simply projecting on Teddy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have options. You could adopt. There are tons of kids out there who need an awesome mom like you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to be alone anymore,” Teddy admitted, her voice shaky. “It’s not about the kids or any of that. It’s that for the past sixteen years I have been alone. I had Henry, but that was always temporary. He was always going to die.” Arizona’s heart clenched at the thought of Henry. “I had Owen as a best friend, but never as a partner. There’s always been something in the way. Even Allison, even Allison wasn’t really mine. Maybe that’s all I’m good for, being a dirty mistress or whatever.” Teddy let out a sad chuckle. “I’m sorry, you’ve got other shit going on. You’ve got your brother and Callie and Sofia. I’m just being pathetic.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not pathetic.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Arizona, my </span>
  <em>
    <span>married </span>
  </em>
  <span>best friend kissed me after years of supposedly pining after each other. If that’s not pathetic, I don’t know what is.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona twisted and propped herself up on an elbow. “I’m in love with my ex-wife.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Touche.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can be pathetic together.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can form a club.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll make t-shirts.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Teddy barked out a laugh, weakly smacking Arizona’s shoulder. “Do you think I should tell Amelia?” She asked, her tone sober once more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… She deserves to know. But Owen should tell her. He’s the one who did something wrong. But if he doesn’t, I think you should. Wouldn’t you want to know?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Teddy sighed, shaking her head slightly. “I better get going. I’m giving Riggs and Pierce a hand. Oh God, isn’t she like Amelia’s sister or something?” Teddy pushed herself into a seated position, her eyes wide. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona patted Teddy’s shoulder. “Best of luck with that.  Callie sent me a weird message about wanting to talk. So I’m sure that’ll be fun. Maybe we’ll need to have a club meeting sooner rather than later.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You bring the wine. I’ll bring the gin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona followed Teddy out of the patient room, heading back towards Tim’s room. Meredith had evidently left, leaving a lone intern to monitor Tim’s vitals, who stammered out, “Dr Robbins, uh, I-I was just leaving,” before rushing out of the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona all but dropped into the chair she had vacated earlier in her panic. “Everything go well with Dr Grey?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As well as thrilling discussions about my appendix can go,” Tim grumbled, shifting slightly on the bed. “Don’t suppose I could go for a walk or something? I’m getting really sick of this room.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona grimaced in sympathy. She could still remember those first days in the hospital, in pain and disoriented and deeply tired of staring at the same wall for hours on end. “I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, Tim, but you can’t really walk right now.” Tim stuck his tongue out at her. “Real mature.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You own this hospital. Can’t you like invest in better channels? If I have to watch one more episode of Judge Judy or reruns of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Blue Bloods</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I’m gonna scream. And I don’t get like half the references because there wasn’t exactly cable where I was, so then I’m confused. Last time I watched tv, phones didn’t have touchscreens and reruns were </span>
  <em>
    <span>The X-Files</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They remade that last year.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, what?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a thing nowadays,” Arizona said with a shrug, “They remade </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ghostbusters</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Indiana Jones</span>
  </em>
  <span>. There’s a ton of new </span>
  <em>
    <span>Star Wars </span>
  </em>
  <span>movies.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim rolled his eyes, the drama queen. “Zo, I know. I saw them with you in theatres.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, there’s new-new ones.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are they bad?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’re decent. That was always more your thing than mine, Tim.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really, Zoie? We’re gonna sit here and tell lies? I’m hurt.” Tim let out a laugh that brought a smile to Arizona’s lips. “You had such a crush on Leia. Huh, I guess you sort of do have a type.” At Arizona’s raised brow, Tim elaborated, “Dark hair. I mean, Joann, Casey’s cousin Freddie, Callie. All dark haired.” Arizona’s breath caught in her chest at Tim’s casual mention of Casey and she braced herself for a conversation she had managed to avoid for the past six days. But Tim pushed on, “Face it, you’ve got a type.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve dated women with non-dark hair.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll believe it when I see it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a jerk.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, right?” Tim chuckled. “Aren’t you glad I’m back? Or did you prefer your teasing free life?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something painful lodged itself in between Arizona’s ribcage. “You have to stop joking about that. I… you missed so much. I would’ve done anything to have you here for my wedding, for Sofia. Just, just no more jokes about you not being here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim’s eyes softened, even if the scar over his eye made him look so severe. “I’m sorry. If I promise not to make those jokes, will you bring me some movies or something?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What if I don’t have any movies?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d bet my good leg that you have at least five movies in your office here. And like at least a hundred back home.” Tim continued, “You’ve got a kid, you work with kids and you’re like a big kid yourself. I’d be ticking off my fingers if I could move them. So, how about you go grab ‘em and we can watch a movie, just like old times?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Watch a movie with her brother or find Callie and have that talk with her? Hm, what a difficult choice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine. But it’s going to be Disney.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What you aren’t keeping </span>
  <em>
    <span>Die Hard</span>
  </em>
  <span> around for the kids? Just not a princess one, please? You made me watch way too many of those when we were growing up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t like it was Arizona’s fault that Tim didn’t realize she was using a trick coin when they flipped a coin for movie choice. And really, she only made him dress up like a princess a few times. Of course, all three of those times were well documented. But again, totally not Arizona’s fault. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Give me like ten minutes.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Run, run like the wind. Or as fast as the Robbins with two working legs can go.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona snorted out a laugh as she stood and made her way to the door. “I’d say sit tight, but you can’t exactly go anywhere.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a shouted, “Loser!” from Tim’s room behind her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hadn’t even realised how much she missed Tim’s ability to talk her down from any sort of panic or anxiety. As the more type A between the pair of them, Arizona, throughout their childhood, had been prone to overstressing about a variety of things and Tim had always excelled at distracting her, even unintentionally. Now if only he could solve her Callie problem…. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A quick trip to her office and Arizona found herself in the elevator, a few Disney movies and the portable dvd player she kept for Sofia in hand, when Bailey stepped on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Afternoon, Miranda,” she greeted, stepping aside for the chief. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Robbins, how’s your brother doing?” Miranda asked conversationally, tearing her focus away from the paperwork in hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s in pain, but that’s to be expected. Thank you again for earlier.” Miranda waved her off. “I appreciate how accommodating you’ve been with all of this.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Miranda shook her head, a fond glint in her eyes. “Come now, Arizona. It’s your brother. Plus, you got Torres back.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona swallowed against the sudden knot in her throat. “I mean, she’s… Callie, she’s the best person for the job. I’m sure she would’ve done it for anyone.” Arizona shoved her hand in her pocket to prevent herself from fussing with her hair or some other nervous tick. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bailey pinned her with a look that quite clearly communicated that she wasn’t buying what Arizona was selling. “Mhm, sure. You two getting along?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you didn’t do personal, Miranda.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t,” replied Bailey easily, one eyebrow rising steadily. “I’m more concerned if you two can get along professionally. I was in on that last board meeting. You two looked like you were going to have a full on domestic over video chat.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Professionally?” Arizona echoed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bailey continued on as if Arizona hadn’t said a word, “I can’t have two department heads acting like that. It’s bad for morale.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Department heads?” said Arizona, feeling a bit like a broken record. “Bailey, what are you talking about?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bailey turned to more fully face her, eyes wide. “Didn’t you hear the good news? Torres finally was able to negotiate an early end to her three year contract with NYU. Of course, her appointment is subject to board approval. But given she’s on the board, that should be easy enough. I was about ready to strangle the chief over at NYU. We’ve been in negotiations for four months now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona shifted her weight back until she was leaning against the elevator for support. Callie… … four months of negotiation? Callie was moving back to Seattle. She knew that, in theory, she should be glad that Sofia would have both parents nearby but there was a selfish part of her that dreaded Callie moving back fulltime. And for Callie to keep it a secret, that just made it worse. She remembered with a sinking feeling in her stomach the handful of times over the past few days that Callie had shushed Sofia like they had a secret. The panic that had evaporated earlier reappeared in full force. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her confusion quickly morphed into fresh anger with Callie. Had Callie been planning on keeping Sofia in New York for three years? She must have been planning on staying there if she signed a contract. That was a serious commitment. Bile rose in her throat. Callie had been making a serious commitment, making plans. For Penny. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t know?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I wasn’t even aware that Callie was considering moving back to Seattle.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You two share a child.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m aware.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you communicate?” Bailey asked incredulously. “Tucker drives me mad most of the time, but we’re able to have civil discussions about major things like someone moving across the country.” Bailey tsked. “I assumed you knew.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope. Callie did not mention that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before she could say something she’d regret, the elevator doors slid open. As soon as she was a few steps out of the elevator, leaving Bailey behind, Arizona leaned back against a wall,  scrubbing a hand over her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was all too much. How hard was it to pick up the phone or send an email? Hell, Arizona would’ve taken a text. She just wanted a heads up. Was that really so much to ask? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pinching the bridge of her nose, she exhaled shakily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Admittedly, she wasn’t sure how long she had expected Callie to stay in New York. At least if Callie was in Seattle, Sofia wouldn’t be trekking across the country all the time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As that sinking feeling in her stomach grew, she realised that Bailey hadn’t mentioned whether Penny would be joining Callie. She could only assume she would be. Her words to her mother from the other day resounded in her mind, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t watch her be in love with someone else</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” She knew, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>it was horribly selfish and that she had no right, but that awareness did very little for the tightness in her chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A passing pair of nurses jarred her out of her reverie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her phone buzzed in her pocket. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Robbins?” A hand waved in front of her face. “Hey there, space cadet.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Karev,” Arizona groaned, shoving at Alex’s shoulder. “Don’t do that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the one zoning out in the hallway. Shouldn’t you be with your brother or something?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Callie’s coming back.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex tipped his head to the side in confusion. “Dude, she’s been back for like a week.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, like she’s coming back-coming back. She’s moving back to Seattle.” Alex joined her in leaning against the wall, his eyes wide with surprise. “Tell me you didn’t know anything about this.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex shook his head so quickly she was surprised it didn’t give him whiplash. “Robbins, c’mon. I would’ve told you. She just decided to move back? Isn’t it your year with Sofia?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Apparently, it’s been in the works for a few months. Why wouldn’t she just tell me?” Arizona tugged her free hand through her hair, frustration practically rolling off of her in waves. “I’m not… she’s more than welcome to move back to Seattle. It’s great. It’s great for Sofia. I’m thrilled. Really.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you should practice that a few more times before you tell her that. You look pissed, boss,” Alex chuckled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona nudged him with her elbow. “I just don’t understand why she couldn’t’ve just told me. And, and I’m almost positive that she’s been having Sofia keep secrets about it, which just… we can’t do that!” Her phone buzzed, punctuating her sentence. “For god’s sake…” She shoved the dvds and player at Alex before pulling her phone out of her pocket. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Callie Torres [4:58 PM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>Sorry, got pulled into a meeting with Amelia and Jackson</span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Callie Torres [5:07 PM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>It’s good news. I swear. Lmk when/where’s good for you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, is it childish to avoid Callie?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was rhetorical, Karev.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t change the fact that it’s childish to avoid your ex.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What has my life come to if you’re telling me I’m being childish?” She held up a hand before Alex could respond. “That was also rhetorical.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She glanced down at her phone as a message flashed across the screen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Callie Torres [5:10 PM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>Are you ignoring me?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Arizona Robbins [5:10 PM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>No</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Callie Torres [5:11 PM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>Are you sure? </span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Callie Torres [5:11 PM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>Sorta seems like you are</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie’s casual joking was simultaneously easy and familiar while also being entirely grating. This was just like Callie to make major decisions without warning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Callie Torres [5:12 PM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>I’m in my lab working on Tim’s cartilage </span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Callie Torres [5:12 PM]: </em>
  </b>
  <span>I do really need to talk to you, but I also wouldn’t mind some company</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell,” Arizona hissed under her breath, “What is she doing? ‘I wouldn’t mind some company’?” She read off to an increasingly uninterested Alex. “What does that mean?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, I’d assume she wants some company ‘cause she’s lonely? Or is this like a sex thing?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cheeks flushed, Arizona said, “She has a girlfriend.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but you two have history.” Alex vaguely waved his free hand around. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“History. In the past.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing, boss. By the way, what’s up with the kids’ movies? I thought Sofia was with your parents.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Oh, for Tim. He’s tired of watching reruns. Do you mind bringing that to him?” She patted Alex’s arm before he could answer. “Great, thanks, Karev.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know I’m not your resident anymore, right, Robbins?” He called after her, shaking his head, as she headed back towards the elevator. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Looking back over her shoulder, she managed a bright grin at her protegee. “You’ll always be my resident, Karev.” He grumbled goodnaturedly, but still turned to head towards Tim’s room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Time to face the music, as they say, she thought as the elevator doors opened. The path towards Callie’s lab was somehow still ingrained in muscle memory, her feet leading the way without much thought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before she even had managed to gather her thoughts on what she wanted to say to Callie, she found herself standing outside Callie’s lab. How many times had she brought Callie food? How many late nights had she spent flipping through journals in the corner while Callie fussed over formulas? For God’s sake, they had hooked up in that room too many times. Good God, had Callie and Penny had sex in there? A wave of nausea crashed into her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Straightening her spine in a desperate attempt to seem put together, Arizona pulled open the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“One second,” Callie said, hunched over a beaker, her dark hair pulled half back. Old memories plagued Arizona as she watched Callie work. It was all too frustratingly intimate. She had never fully mastered letting go of her memories with Callie and now that was catching up to her. “Sorry.” Callie looked up from her work, flashing a bright, nearly blinding smile Arizona’s way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No problem,” Arizona said, rather proud of how strong her voice sounded. “I know how you get with your cartilage.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you do.” The softness in Callie’s eyes sent Arizona spiralling back through the years. Standing in front of Callie now, Arizona struggled to remember why she had come in here in the first place. “Thanks for coming down here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You said…” Arizona cleared her throat as her earlier anxiety made itself known once more, “You wanted to tell me something.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And oh, how familiar this all was. How many times had Arizona stood in front of Callie, waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop? In hallways and elevators and offices. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A strange combination of guilt and nerves and even excitement flickered through Callie’s eyes. That look had rarely boded well for Arizona. At least this time she knew what was coming. Or that’s what she was going to keep telling herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m moving back to Seattle.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You, you’re moving back to Seattle,” echoed Arizona. Somehow, even with forewarning, hearing it from Callie made it so much more tangible, so much more dangerous. Callie nodded mutely. Arizona chewed on her cheek as she tried to find words. She felt like she was drowning and couldn’t ever manage to quite get her head above water. “Okay,” she finally said. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay.” The words felt hollow, but it was what she could manage in the moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie rubbed at the back of her neck, her eyes darting around nervously. She began speaking, merely to fill the silence, “Uh, yeah. It was only ever supposed to be a year, you know, with the grant and everything.” Of course, how could Arizona forget about the all-important grant that had torn everything to shreds? “And I don’t want to be away from Sofia for a year.” Arizona flinched back at that. It wasn’t as if she wanted to be away from Sofia, but flying wasn’t exactly easy for her nor was it easy to be away from Sofia for such long stretches of time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does Sofia know?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In abstract. We’ve talked about it, if she’d want to move back here, which she did, by the way. I didn’t want her to…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t want her to tell me. Is that what you didn’t want her telling me in the OR the other day? ‘Cause Callie, I’m not thrilled about you using our seven-year-old to keep secrets. You could’ve just told me. I’m glad you’re moving back, for Sofia,” she quickly qualified. “It’s good for her to have both of us here.” Callie had the good grace to look ashamed about Sofia keeping secrets, but it still left a heavy feeling in Arizona’s chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t… it wasn’t like that, Arizona. Sofia didn’t know that it was happening. I had just asked her about coming back to Seattle-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which she would have been doing anyway,” Arizona cut in, her irritation rising to the surface. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie’s eyes flashed. “Yes, I know, Arizona. All I told Sofia was that I might be able to move back, but I wasn’t sure, so I didn’t see any reason for her to tell you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should’ve told me!” The words came out far harsher than she had intended and she was quick to backtrack. “You should’ve told me, Callie. It affects Sofia.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you’d be happier.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona pinched the bridge of her nose, letting her hip fall against one of the tables. “You sprung this on me. Actually, worse than that, I found out from Bailey, who you’ve been discussing this with for months now?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you already knew?” Callie stood to her feet, taking a few steps towards Arizona. “Why didn’t you say anything?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona shrugged a shoulder. “It didn’t change anything.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s why you’re mad? Because Bailey told you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona squeezed her eyes shut and tipped her chin up. “I’m not mad.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really? Because you look mad.” Callie folded her arms over her chest as one eyebrow shot up. “That face you’re making right now. It’s your mad face.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona inhaled sharply in an effort not to say something she’d regret. “You should’ve told me. I just… you should’ve told me, Callie.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Last time I checked, I don’t need your permission.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That is not at all what I’m saying and you know it.” Arizona mirrored Callie’s stance, her arms forming a barrier between herself and Callie. “You had months to tell me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, we weren’t exactly speaking, were we?” Callie shot back, hurt flaring in her expression. “Can you really not stand to have me in Seattle?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re twisting my words.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want me to think? You’re clearly upset with me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re doing the same thing you always do, Callie. You just make decisions and expect everyone else to be fine with it.” Arizona dug her fingers harder into her biceps, trying to maintain some control. “But you’re right. It’s your life and I’m glad you’ll be here for Sofia.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie had moved closer at some point, close enough that Arizona could touch her if she wanted, close enough that she could watch the myriad of emotion in Callie’s eyes. “That implies you’re not fine with it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You sprang this on me. You’ve been planning this for months. I just want a little communication, Callie.” A wry, sad sort of smile pulled at the corner of Arizona’s mouth. “Communication has never been our strong suit.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A chuckle bubbled out of Callie, the corners of her eyes crinkling slightly. “You don’t say.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bailey said you had a three year contract at NYU?” Arizona asked, trying to keep her voice light. “I thought you liked New York.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie’s expression softened and she looked at Arizona with far too much emotion for an ex wife. “I thought I’d find what I was looking for there.” Arizona swallowed back a gasp at the implication of Callie’s words. How could she reconcile the Callie who said things like that with the Callie who made split second, devastating decisions, the Callie who snapped at her and made her want to tear her hair out? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For lack of anything better to say, Arizona stammered out, “I hope you find what you’re looking for.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I already have.” Callie shrugged. One of her hands twitched at her side as if she wanted to touch Arizona. With a startling stab of pain in her chest, Arizona realized she wanted Callie to reach out, she wanted Callie to initiate contact. Cursing her weak heart, Arizona glanced around the room for a distraction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How is the cartilage going?” Arizona waved a hand towards Callie’s work, hoping that would break the moment between them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie twisted around to grab a vial, shaking it a little. “I forgot how much I love cartilage. I haven’t been able to do very much research recently. Just loads of hip and knee replacements.” As Callie launched into a long-winded explanation of how exactly she was going to use the cartilage, Arizona leaned back against a table, a soft smile playing at her lips. This was Callie in her element. This was Callie as Arizona had first noticed her, first fallen in love with her, before the world came crashing down around them. Arizona was more than happy just to watch Callie animatedly wave her hands around and describe complex procedures. She missed this, having someone who was her intellectual equal amongst other aspects of their relationship. “Sorry, I’m rambling on.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s… you’re passionate. That’s a good thing.” Brushing a loose strand of hair back behind her ear, Arizona said, “I should probably go check on Tim. And then I need to head home so my parents can come see Tim. My mom was just too stressed out by the surgery earlier.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right, yeah. I should probably get back on my cartilage.” Callie glanced back to her research on the table. “Give Sofia a kiss for me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona nodded, at a loss of what to say to Callie. Too many emotions swirled inside, the ongoing frustration, confusion over Callie’s words, her own anger at her inability to not be wholly in love with Callie Torres. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” she finally said, “Have a good night, Callie.” Pushing off the table, she misjudged her momentum and put far too much weight on her prosthetic, sending her tumbling forward. Eyes squeezed shut in anticipation, she threw her arms out, but she never hit the ground. Instead, Callie caught her upper arms, keeping her upright. “Oh God, I’m sorry.” Blinking her eyes open, she found her face very close to Callie’s. In fact, probably the closest since… well, it wouldn’t do any good to think about that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona leaned back slightly, creating some space between them, but Callie’s hands lingered on her arms. No part of this was okay. Because Callie looked beautiful and she could see her freckles and Callie had a girlfriend and, and, and. There were a million reasons why this was distinctly bad. But Arizona had a nasty habit of doing things that weren’t good for her. Like binge-eating donuts and kissing random girls in bar bathrooms and going to Africa and falling out of the sky and cheating on her wife and letting the best thing in her life leave her behind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, there you are- am I interrupting?” Meredith’s voice cut through the tension hovering between them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sprang apart as if they had been burned, both of their cheeks flushed guiltily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I fell,” Arizona offered weakly, motioning to her leg, only to realize she pointed to the wrong one. Meredith raised her eyebrows, an amused smile lighting up her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll say.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yep, well,” Arizona’s words hung in the air, waiting for someone to say something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meredith glanced between the pair of them before saying, “I just heard the good news, Callie. Bailey told me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like Bailey’s telling everyone everything,” Callie grumbled under her breath, much to Arizona’s amusement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I for one am thrilled. Joe’s? Arizona, you’re more than welcome too.” Arizona certainly was not fond of that glint in Meredith’s eye. That meant antics, she was sure of it. “By the way, Robbins, you never mentioned what a flirt your brother is. He’s got all the nurses tripping over themselves.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a snort of laughter, she said, “Not sure when that would’ve come up. And thanks, but I really need to get back home and make Sofia dinner before she talks my dad into takeout. For a Marine, he’s surprisingly susceptible to puppy dog eyes. You two have a fun evening.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See you later, Robbins,” called Meredith while Callie settled for the world’s awkwardest wave. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>About halfway down the hallway, she nearly tripped again when she heard Meredith’s “Did I interrupt you two making out?” and Callie’s yelp of denial. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she made her way back up to Tim’s room, she sorted through her schedule for the rest of the week and responded to a few colleagues’ emails. She really needed to start training a fellow; her consults alone were starting to overwhelm her, let alone the long, highly technical surgeries. Add in managing Sofia’s schedule and her parents and Tim, not to mention her increasingly tumultuous relationship with Callie, and Arizona was going to need a vacation by the end of the day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused outside of Tim’s room at the sound of laughter. Peering around the door, she was nothing short of shocked to find Tim and Alex chatting happily while they watched a movie on an iPad, the Disney movies abandoned on a side table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you two watching </span>
  <em>
    <span>Pitch Perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was all the intern had on his iPad. Apparently, it’s his little sister’s favourite movie,” Alex said as if that explained everything. “What? I spend all day watching Disney movies. I was hoping for something a little more action-y.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, I have to get home. Mom and Dad will be here soon and at least one of them will stay overnight,” she said, brushing some of Tim’s hair out of his eyes. “You really need a hair cut. You’re looking sloppy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tim jerked his head away, letting his hair fall back. “You sound like the Colonel. He’s about ready to go at it with a weed whacker.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, this is a good part,” Alex cut in, gesturing to the screen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona raised an eyebrow, shaking her head. “Alright, you boys have fun, I guess. I’ll see you tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Later, Zozo.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, bye, Robbins.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>xx </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... yeah, okay. Sounds good, Mom. Okay, okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. Yes, I’ll bring breakfast. Give my love to Dad and Tim. Love you too.” Arizona dropped her phone onto her bed, letting herself fall back against her headboard. Absently, she rubbed at her browbone in a futile effort to stave off the tension headache that had been building for days now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She briefly considered heading downstairs to refill her wine, but decided the ordeal of having to put her leg back on was a bridge too far. Tipping her head back, she finished off the last sip of red wine, dark fruit notes lingering on her tongue. Her nose wrinkled. Honestly, she didn’t even know why she opened that bottle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona scoffed at herself. She knew exactly why she picked a red tonight. She knew why she always picked a red. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It reminded her of Callie. Scratch that, it reminded her of kissing Callie. How many nights had they spent curled up on their old couch, drinking and laughing and kissing until inevitably clothes came off and they retreated to their bedroom? Red wine tasted of Callie, simple as that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few months before she met Eliza, one of her friends from outside of the hospital had reconnected and insisted on setting Arizona up on a date. The date was doomed from nearly the start. Not that the other woman hadn’t been lovely. In fact, the Arizona before Callie would’ve probably at the very least taken the woman home for the night. But, instead, after the other woman insisted on ordering a bottle of red for the table that just so happened to be one of Callie’s favourites, Arizona found herself unable to get the taste of Callie out of her mind. She kissed the woman on the cheek goodnight and never returned her calls. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A high pitched giggled erupted from her, nearly surprising herself with the noise. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She pushed the glass as far across her nightstand as she could manage, the lingering smell of red wine worsening her headache. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After that disastrous date, she stuck to white wine and gin on the few dates she went on. More often than not, she just simply didn’t go on dates. In fact, after the custody battle, Arizona buried herself in her work, the very idea of going out and trolling bars for dates now repugnant to her. For years, meaningless sex served an important place in supressing whatever problems ailed her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now with nearly nine months of dedicated therapy behind her, she recognized that as a desperately unhealthy coping mechanism. But that recognition did little to undo the damage it had done. Eliza represented a new, fresh, healthier direction, but that had gone south quickly. And now Callie was here, slowly unraveling her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona pursed her lips in irritation at herself. It wasn’t Callie’s fault. And Callie was doing her a massive favour. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But then why did that spark of anger never leave her chest? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Because she left you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, a traitorous voice in her head whispered, </span>
  <em>
    <span>because she’s moved on</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bile rose in her throat at the thought of how Callie had moved on. How Callie was happier than she had ever been. And now Arizona would get to see that everyday. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It felt like she was watching a train wreck in slow motion. She stifled a chuckle at the thought. With her luck, she’d end up in a train wreck. It was about the only safe form of transportation for her at this point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she stared up at the ceiling, she tried to parse through the myriad of emotions swirling with the prospect of Callie returning to Seattle. Anger, jealousy, sadness, irritation and even a glimmer of happiness overwhelmed her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie wouldn’t have to ever spend a year away from Sofia. Callie got to have her year in New York with Sofia and her perfect girlfriend and now she’d get to be in Seattle and still have everything. It wasn’t that Arizona wanted to keep Sofia away from Callie, far from it. But a small resentful voice in her mind whispered that Callie always got everything. Of course, more often than not, it was because Arizona gave it to her for the simple reason that she couldn’t stand to see Callie upset. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Having both Callie and Arizona in the same place would only benefit Sofia, so why did Arizona feel absolutely terrified? She couldn’t stop herself from creating scenarios in her mind, no matter how ridiculous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Would Callie decide to move away again? Would they have to go through another drawn out custody fight? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, no, she was almost positive that Callie wouldn’t do that again. But had Callie learned anything? She got to have her metaphorical cake and eat it too. Arizona, despite putting everything on the line for Sofia, despite winning, had still somehow lost. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How many nights had she cried after speaking with Sofia, who always seemed so happy in New York? Far too many than she’d ever admit to anyone, even her therapist. She pushed her sadness down into a small tiny place next to her unresolved grief over her brother and the trauma of the plane crash and put on a happy face for the world to see. No one noticed the way her smile never quite reached her eyes or the way that she spent more time at the hospital than away from it. No one noticed or cared to notice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The only person who had ever been any good at curbing her more self-destructive habits left her and Arizona was still learning how to help herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Christ, she really needed to schedule an appointment with Cate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She blindly reached for her phone and added a reminder, the glow of the screen bothering her eyes. It was well past midnight. Arizona groaned, burying her face in a pillow. She glanced at her phone again, debating if she should set an alarm or not. Sofia smiled up at her from her lockscreen, a photo from Sofia’s soccer phase the previous year. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie moving back was good for Sofia. That’s all that mattered. Sofia was what mattered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona had long ago pledged to herself that she would do anything for Sofia’s happiness, regardless of the personal cost for herself. And Callie living in Seattle would make Sofia happy and it would make Callie happy and that was all that mattered. Arizona threw away her chance at happiness long ago. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie moved on and found happiness and that was great and really, really, Arizona was thrilled for her. But Arizona knew, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>that Callie and Sofia had been her shot at happiness and she had ruined it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her desire for Callie and Sofia’s happiness, however, didn’t fully erase her irritation at Callie for not communicating this with her. Or the fact that she seemed to have told Sofia not to tell her. If she and Callie started having Sofia keep secrets, it could only end poorly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door to her bedroom creaked open, the nightlight in the hallway illuminating a small figure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mommy?” Sofia called quietly, “Mommy, are you awake?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Sof, what’s wrong?” Sofia climbed into the bed quickly, burying her face in Arizona’s shoulder. Arizona brushed her fingers through Sofia’s dark hair, working out a few knots. “Did you have a nightmare?” Sofia nodded, her face still pressed against her mother’s shoulder. “Aw, Sof, I’m sorry. Do you wanna talk about it?” Arizona maneuvered an arm around Sofia’s shoulder to pull her closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You and Mama died, just like Daddy,” Sofia finally admitted, her voice thick with unshed tears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona’s heart clenched. “I’m right here and your mama’s safe too, okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But Zola’s dad died too and now she only has Aunt Mer! What if something happens?” Sofia lifted her head to meet Arizona’s gaze, her dark eyes and wide eyed expression somehow the perfect blend of Mark and Callie. “People die all the time! Would I have to move again?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sofia, no one’s going to die. Did something happen?” Sofia shook her head. “Is this a new nightmare?” She shook her head again and even taking a breath hurt Arizona. “Oh, Sofia… did you tell Mama about your nightmares?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Once,” Sofia sighed softly, her eyes welling with tears. “She said that Daddy was always watching and keeping us safe. But it made her sad. I don’t wanna make you or Mama sad, but it was so scary.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona brushed away a few stray tears. “Hey, hey, you should always tell us about your nightmares if you feel comfortable talking about them. Your mama, she, uh, she just really misses your dad sometimes and it makes her sade. But you make her so happy and you have his smile and his nose.” Arizona tweaked Sofia’s nose gently, drawing out a half-smile from the girl. “Do you wanna have a little sleepover in here, little miss?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I please, Mommy?” Arizona lifted up the corner of the duvet for Sofia to crawl under. “I never got to have a lot of sleepovers with Mama in New York.” Arizona bit down on her cheek accidentally. She really didn’t want to think about Callie’s sleeping arrangements if she could help it. “But one time, we built a blanket fort in the living room. Penny was really awesome at it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time, Arizona bit her cheek intentionally. “That’s nice, sweetheart.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sofia curled into her side, the familiar smell of Callie’s shampoo wafting from her hair. Sofia must have borrowed it that morning at Callie’s rental. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you do the dreams again, Mommy?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” She pressed a quick kiss to Sofia’s forehead before holding her hands above Sofia’s chest. “Bad dreams, bad dreams go away. Good dreams, good dreams here to stay. Bad dreams, bad dreams go away. Good dreams, good dreams here to stay. Bad dreams, bad dreams go away. Good dreams, good dreams here to stay.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Love you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Love you too.” Arizona kissed the top of Sofia’s head before curling protectively around her daughter, as if that might stave off anymore nightmares.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hi again! </p><p>so this chapter has been a nightmare - i think i've probably written around 75,000 words total of it, in various iterations. there was a version entirely from sofia's perspective. there was a version with a super nasty, brutal fight between callie and arizona. there was one with a long conversation between callie and tim. but this is the one i've landed on. maybe some day, i'll share some of those scenes. i do have scenes written from callie's perspective, and i know many of you have been very eager to learn more about what's going on with callie, but i likely won't publish any of those until this is finished as i have been deliberate in limiting to only arizona's perspective. </p><p>i'd also like to say thank you to all of you who continued to check in on here, tumblr and ffnet. i have been going through a really tough time, not limited to, but including catching covid twice, working on my masters, breaking up with my girlfriend after catching her in an indiscretion and having to move as a result of that. </p><p>i do know where i'm going with this, but these chapters aren't short and i have school so i can't promise the quick updates of before. </p><p>as always, much love xx</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>let me know if people are interested in this continuing! </p><p>it will primarily be from Arizona's perspective as I honestly just find her easier to understand, but it won't favor Arizona. Callie comes off as a jerk in this chapter because we're really only seeing a few charged phone conversations and texts, but that will all be explained. </p><p>say hey on tumblr at avasharpest ! </p><p>much love xx</p></blockquote></div></div>
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